Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Happy Birthday from the sack of noise

Dear older brother: You had just turned four when I came along. Here you are holding me when I was just weeks old. I love that beaming face of yours when in reality you were thinking “Someone in this house is hard of hearing. I asked for HOT WHEELS not a tiny sack of NOISE." I know I was not the best birthday gift you ever received and given the opportunity, you would have traded me STAT for a subscription to Mad Magazine, a pack of bubblegum cigarettes, and a Hippity Hop. But you were stuck with me.

As a special present on your special day, let me freely confess to several occasions in which I was a pain in your arse. Yes, I know this doesn’t begin to cover it. I am the gift horse. Don’t look me in the mouth. I will also make these confessions with only a few details of why I believed you deserved it at the time. You are welcome.

When you relayed to Mom I broke the glass lamp shade in my bedroom, what was I to do? I was ten. Therefore, I wasn’t crafty in the ways of “remaining silent and plot fantastic revenge” at that age. I resigned to telling Mom you let your friend Trevor shoot a BB gun inside our house. And for good measure, I also told her you were using your nunchucks in the kitchen and broke the kitchen light. Not another minute was spent on the lampshade. Me=Pain in arse.

And remember when you embarrassed me in front of Tom? For whom I had a mad, mad crush? And oh, you laughed so very hard? Well, for that I poured water in your bed and told our Father you had a bed wetting problem. Me=Pain in arse. And an extra “Sorry” because I was quite delighted that our Father appeared to believe me for a minute.

Oh, and remember your drumset? The drumset of which you scientifically measured the precise angle of the cymbals to know whether or not I had broken the law and touched them in your absence? AND I did AND I got in big trouble? That explains why I asked mom if I could borrow a book from your room and I certainly picked the one I knew to be the secret storage chamber for your contraband cigars and cigarettes. What a coincidence. Me = Pain in arse. But oh, a very clever one.

And in high school, I told my friend Tish that you only liked her because she had a big rack. SORRY. That was a double offense to you AND her. And that same summer, Mom found those pictures of me and all my girlfriends having that huge party at our Father’s house when he was gone? She was about to get CrazyPissed when I came home and she asked me “What EXACTLY are these?” Well, I said “PHOTOS” which was the WRONG ANSWER and then I said “Ask Tumbleweed, he was there. He was our adult chaperone.” Me = Pain in arse, BUT one that escaped restriction. Girl has to do what a girl has to do.

I do think it fair to remind you of this though. When I was about four, tottering out to breakfast one morning, I found out we had no milk for my cheerios. At that same moment, our dog Shiloh was host to eight tiny and thirsty puppies. Do you remember what you did? Let me refresh you. You slid open the back door and told me we got our milk from the same place as the puppies. I was obviously quite hesitant. I was sure I had seen our milk come from this place called "The Red Barn" but you seemed oh so certain. You actually nudged me closer to Shiloh before I turned to you in my angelic innocence and quivering voice, asked "Are you s-s-s-s-sure? Maybe I should ask Daddy?” Thank you for whisking me in house immediately. Clearly, you had some of this coming to you. 

Oh, and incidentally, when you were asked to "watch your sister" that did not mean punch me in the arm repeatedly with gusto for entering your room without knocking.  

But after you grew up, left home, added new experiences to your life vault, I think we grew to appreciate each other better. And our friendship grew during that time frame, and we actually got to know each other as people. I think we have such a great friendship. And I thank you for all the times we have laughed, shared common annoyances, shared great music and books, kicked everyone’s ass at Taboo (NO ONE can beat us) and shared great trips (just kidding…remember that HORRIBLE trip you went on with me that I told you would be “fun” and was almost but not quite as fun as chewing glass or a Backstreet Boys concert? SORRY!)

Today I celebrate you. You have become such a great man. You are kind, thoughtful, talented, and loved. Thank you for all your support, and truly being a champion of everything I do. And for giving that same love and encouragement to MiniMac. (Ummm, the fact you are buying him a drumset only demonstrates to me that you might be trying to pay me back for some of the above.) I know that you would do anything for me, and you have already done so much. I am glad our different routes in life have remained connected. This certainly negates the time you seriously encouraged me to somehow suckle enough milk from our dog to eat my morning cereal.

I hope this year holds amazing things ahead for you. Happy Birthday Brother. The world wouldn’t be the same without you.

67 comments:

Jules said...

Aw, that's really sweet! Happy Birthday to him!

the walking man said...

there is benefit tobeing the younger as long as there are no more than two or three but more than that you just get lost in the middle and blamed for everything anyway.

Lucky man to have such a witty sister,

Brian Miller said...

you know i hope one day my sister can write similar about me...

singedwingangel said...

Ok these were some amazing tit for tat stories..and once again proof we will always be a little quicker then boys lol.. sounds like you and your brother were perfect for each other..

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh that was so funny but such a great story of your growing up with each other....the dog story...oh No!!

Happy birthday to your Brother,
xxx

Slamdunk said...

With those exchanges, I am surprise that one or both of you is not institutionalized.

Thanks for the laugh and Happy birthday to your brother.

Cara Smith said...

You had me rolling with the dog story. Siblings can be so evil to each other.

Happy B-day to your big brother!

mbkatc230 said...

What a fun tribute to your brother - Happy Birthday! My brother was younger, and a royal p.i.a. growing up. But now we are very close and I love that we have that bond. The puppy story just had me rolling. Payback are hell, aren't they? Kathy

Tiffany said...

Sounds like you were just being a typical little sister!! Happy Bday Bro!

sharonheg said...

Very cool! I always knew I missed out by being an only child. I'm glad you get along so well now because I know sometimes that isn't the case. Happy Birthday to him!

Sorry for the lack of recent comments, BTW - hubby and I were in England. Blog entries of same are posted, if you don't mind the shameless plug, LOL! But when you get the opportunity to sing with Brian May at the Royal Albert Hall you kinda want to shout it from the rooftops, LOL!

BigSis said...

I love this. Thanks for sharing!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Wow....I love your pain in the butt little Sister self. I am sure he does too.

MommaKiss said...

oh this made me all schmoopy. seriously. I have 3 older brothers who are the world to me. you're a good lil sis. and tortured him like little sisters are intended to do.

obladi oblada said...

Oh I just loved this post! Those stories about the things you pulled on each other are priceless, as you are probably aware. My big brother was visibly upset when he found out I was a girl!

Susan Erickson said...

My bro is four years older than me as well, and my early years were filled with his various tortures. Every day he pulled my toes which has given me incredible powers with my feet. I can pick up a dime and walk like a ballerina. He would chuck me under the chin and turn my temper on. Pisses me off just to think about it......

Writing Without Periods! said...

This is great revenge. Create a cool blog, lots of people will come to it, then blog about brother. He should have thought of this when he was punching you in the arm! :-)
Mary

HalfAsstic.com said...

Aww, well done! Happy birthday indeed! What a great brother/uncle!

Intense Guy said...

Happy Birthday Dude.

You ain't never gonna win, dude, 'cause like that sister of yours has one of dem photographical memories and your gonna "git it".

Mommy Lisa said...

Yeah for brothers.

Mommy Lisa said...

Yeah for brothers.

Herding Cats said...

I have a brother too. We made life hell for each other until I went to college. Now we get along really well (for the most part). I definitely appreciate the relationship brothers and sisters have. Happy bday to your bro!

Cathi said...

What a wonderful tribute...My arm can still feel my brother punching it when I was a kid....I truly was his torture toy growing up! Loved all your stories about your brother - the dog/cereal one made me LOL...!! Have a great day, JennyMac! xxoo :)

Dumblond said...

Bubblegum cigarettes...haha, those were the days.

Joann Mannix said...

A great tribute. I've got 3 older brothers and I was never able to exact revenge because well...3 of them.

I'm soooo very glad your brother had a bit of heart back then. I was reading the puppy part through wincing eyes. That would have been quite the story.

Happy Birthday to your bro!!!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

I love this! I have a brother, too, so can relate to the unique fun (torture?) of growing up with one. Now we are friends, only took 20 years ( : Happy birthday to the Mac bro.

Johana Hill said...

A sweet post. Reminds me of my brother. He's younger than me but we're very close. He didn't torment me as yours did but we did clash on several occasions.

Anyway, wishing your brother a happy birthday! ;p

jayme said...

i wish i had your memory, girlfriend! these stories are hilarious and so true of siblings! precious picture and it sounds like your household was quite lively! love it all.

Alicia said...

happy birthday tumbleweed!! i can't believe he tried to get you to drink milk from a DOG! ha!! ahhh the joys of older brothers.

Kristina P. said...

What an amazing tribute, Jenny!

My name is PJ. said...

I, too, have an older brother. He had a silver ring with a thunderbird (the Indian thing, not the car) on it and left bruises on my arms in the shape of the thunderbird.

Happy Birthday to your older brother. If he's anything like you, well, your poor mom! :)

Eva Gallant said...

What a hysterical and loving tribute to your brother!

Andrea said...

Oh my gosh, milk from the dog? Too much! Older brothers are the best!

Cranky Mommy said...

HAHA! I'm the oldest of 3 with my sister being 4 years younger and my brother being 6 years younger than I.

There are some similar stories between the 3 of us. But when I went off to college my sister and I became friends almost instantaneously - aside from me having to track down my summer clothes she let her skanky friend steal from me.

Happy Birthday to your brother!

mama-face said...

I love your stories. This is so funny and sweet. "Sack of Noise". LOVE IT.

Barbaloot said...

Loved it. So fun to read---and now I have an idea for the letters I can write my older brothers one day.

Thanks for that.

Vodka Logic said...

Love the nickname.. what does he think of it?

Love the stories and you are so lucky to have a wonderful brother.. have you ever thought of writing a book?

Pricilla said...

I have three YOUNGER brothers.

It is good to be queen.
Happy birthday to you brother.

Salt said...

Ahhh the joys of having an older sibling. It's something I've missed out on and you made it sound so magical. :)

Happy happy birthday to your brother!

Aunt Juicebox said...

Little sisters are great aren't they? LOL I used to get my big brother in trouble all the time too. I'll never apologize for it though. ;P

AmyLK said...

Happy Birthday Tumbleweed! You two certainly have shared some good times! Here hoping there will be many more to come!

Heavenly Housewife said...

What a sweet post! Wishing your brother a very happy birthday.
*kisses* HH

BlueRidgeLady said...

Great stories about you and your brother! Reminds me of growing up with my brother and sister! Loved the priceless picture, and we love TABOO Too! I have some pretty hilarious memories of our past game nights!

Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

What a nice post dedicated to your bro- my bro and i are really close and i agree- life wouldn't be the same w/o him... :) He graduates college this weekend- I cannot believe it!! He's still the same little 6 yr old in my mind...

foxy said...

Man, this was so great. Love hearing the stories... me and my brother have some pretty good ones like that.

shortmama said...

Isnt that what sisters were meant for? I was a big fan of getting out of punishment by bringing up something one or both of my older brothers did that was MUCH worse.

Happy Birthday Tumbleweed!

I'm Jane said...

This is great! I have one of those big brother holding darling little baby sister pics too. I think he was trying to stick a finger up my nose at the time.

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

The two of you sound like you really made your parents work. It's so nice to hear about siblings that have such a good relationship.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Awwwww! What a sweet yet slightly evil tribute to your big brother! Love it!

I always wanted a big brother. As the oldest, of course that was not to be, and I seriously did not want the little brother that I ended up with. Wish we had the relationship that you seem to have with yours!

Happy birthday to your big brother!

P.S. thanks for the virtual glass of wine - I certainly did need it after my scare! But I'm really OK :) Maybe one day we'll share a bottle of the real stuff, eh? Cheers!

Sarah said...

Hi from Scotland! What a fab blog -great writing. Thanks. x
www.weshopthereforeweare.co.uk

undomestic chica said...

This is too funny. Sounds like you've got plenty more Tumbleweed stories to share!

Tumbleweed said...

WOW!! What can I possibly say after reading such a vivd (and somewhat tilted HAHAA) post? There were TONS of good times, and some not-so-good times as well. But I will always be thankful for that first invite to KU for a basketball game - I think that was the starting point to where we are today. MY LIFE just would not be complete if you (and your fam!) were not a part of it...a mere hollow existence at best!! I have been blessed with a wonderful, supportive family who is always there and I could not possibly ask for more. Its me that is thankful for you, your input, your disposition and view on life - all just added benefits of being your brother...and we haven't even breeched the subject of Mini-Mac!!

I thank you for your unflinching confidence in me and your ability to turn on the BS sifter when necessary (I am a sailor, after all!!) and help me sort through the mire. THANK YOU for being my friend and my sister!!

Love Always - Tumbleweed

p.s. if you think the antics with you and I were rough...just wait til Mini-Mac and I start plotting!! HAHAHAAAA!!! T-R-O-U-B-L-E!!!

Tumbleweed said...

And also -
THANK YOU to all your blog world friends kind birthday wishes!! Thanks for reading JennyMac's blog...She RULES!!!!!

Allyson & Jere said...

I aboslutely love this letter. It is so well written, and the memories are hysterical. Thanks for sharing funny stories and insights into your life, it's fun.

I had 3 brothers, two older, one younger, and for the life of me, i can't remember ANYTHING like yours. But, my older brother did come at me with a can opener while my Mom was nursing me and informed her he was gonna "bleed" my head. We've been tight ever since. haha

anaïs said...

as an only child, i can't even imagine the fun that siblings must get into...

it sounds as though you two kept (and still keep) each other quite entertained...LOL

i hope that your brother has a phenomenal birthday!

Myya said...

I think all that stuff that big brother put you through when you were young helped with that sassy writing style you have. Siblings rock... who else could share such random things as almost drinking out of a dogs teet. HA! Happy Birthday to your Big Brother!!! :)
Ohhh & watch out, he is SOOOO going to make Mini-Mac trouble for you!

Will Burke said...

That was really sweet, and made me feel a little better about my relationship with my sister.

J.J. said...

Happy Birthday to your brother!

And, oh, the stories I could tell (being the youngest of 7)! Like when I spray painted the side of the house and blamed it on my youngest brother when my dad finally saw it.

But my oldest brother qualifies for the statement of the century. I spent 2 months in the hospital after I was born and he asked, "Why can't you just get another one?"

Thanks bro!

Matthew said...

I cannot imagine writing such a piece about my own brother. I am glad that you're able to acknowledge yours so effortlessly and with genuine appreciation.

Little Ms J said...

I was really hoping you suckled. Not THAT would have been a great story.

He sounds amazing. You're a lucky girl.

Nyx said...

Firstly, happy birthday Tumbleweed!

Secondly: Oh JennyMac...it's totally unfair what younger siblings get away with.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

Bwahahaha!! Suckling milk from a dog. That's about on par with me telling my sister that cat food was graham crackers and getting her to eat a bunch in front of our babysitter, who I loved to impress. Great post and happy bday to your sweet big bro!!

Erin said...

A drum set for MiniMac? I suspect this will be the end of any last remaining shred of peace & quiet in the Mac household...but he sounds like a fabulous brother and a phenomenal uncle to MiniMac!

Happy Birthday to your bro!

oh, and the milk from the dog---ewwwww!!!

Aging Mommy said...

Just wonderful - I just am willing to bet your brother loves his PITA sister very, very much.

Mighty M said...

My husband was relentlessly evil to his sister (7 years his junior) growing up. This just reminds me of that, although I am not sure how she chose to retaliate, I think yours are just about perfect. And I LOVE what you tried to do with the bed wetting. Ingenious!

Missy said...

I love this! My brother and I had our moments. I was older. And often meaner. But today, he is one of my favorite people ever. He's still a brat, but I appreciate and love him for it!

K A B L O O E Y said...

Awwwww. Great post, great picture, just awwwww. But now I want a Hippity Hop.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Yeah to brothers. I think I have some patchwork to do w/ mine. Thank you for the inspiration!