Monday, April 27, 2009

JA of the Day

Here is what I want to happen when you spend your five minutes reading my blog, I want you to laugh. And not necessarily at the expense of others. But periodically, each of us lays witness to a little something and think, I am just going to have to make a comment about this. And we are not talking about laying witness to random acts of kindness or coming upon a pantheon.

So now, I am will unveil my new post called JA of the Day.

At one of my former (and most fondly remembered) workplaces, we used acronyms constantly. Hey, it was the software industry, its required. But, we also created our own list of acronyms to make our point without being surly. We worked with a sales force that was the cream of the crop in my book, but a few infiltrators crossed our bridge during my tenure there. Hence, a variety of handy acronyms for such persons was necessary, and kept me out of HR for using profanity at the workplace. Profanity? Me? I know. You are suprised.

JA was one of the acronyms and it means Jackass. This is no novel idea, but came in quite handy for us. As in

"Did you know Jared F. did ......."
"Yes, because he is a JA".

I think you can put it all together.

Well, JAs abound and I must give my first award of JA of the Day to the one I have in mind.

We went to a kid friendly event recently. It had a bar, but tickets were 20.00 per person (including munchkins) so it wasn't like we took our little man to the bus terminal after hours.

I was at the bar requesting an ice water and a juice box while the man next to me ordered a bourbon and coke and a shot of jagermeister. He is holding his wobbly little boy on the bar who appears to be about 12 months or so. Ummm, its noon. That thirsty? Can't take the kid friendly event without liquid painkiller? Is that your baby you are holding? Nice work. I cant wait to see your wife come over here and go to town on you.

The bartender jokingly asks the baby if he too would like a shot of jagermeister. I know he was joking because the bartender is not an imbecile and in addition to the litany of legalities involved in serving alcohol to minors, no bartender in metro Atlanta would give a baby a shot of jagermeister. The Dad, laughing, says, "Oh, not yet, but he sure likes the taste of beer."

You don't give babies beer. Not a sip, not a lick, not a drip. Oh, I know some people think it is all a comedy act to give little wobbling beings alcohol, be they babies or puppies. And then they smile at their cleverness while they tell all their friends about it. Oh, you know what you forgot to tell your friends? That you are an idiot. Your son will be knee deep in beer funnels in a blink of an eye. Must you dabble in the libations with him when he is one year old? Stop it.

I had a wanton wish for Medusa's power so I could turn him into stone. My countenance smeared with scowl might have conveyed that message. (You all know I don't have a Poker Face by now.) But, I said nothing and moved along as he tried to catch my eye with his knowing smile and ridiculous wink as if we were all in this boat together.

Congratulations: You sir are the JA of the Day.

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