Take A Bite Of: Artichoke Gratinata

something rich, full flavored, and perfect in the summer time. Oh, and it bakes in about 10 minutes; all the more reason to serve this incredible side dish (and one of my favorites.)

From Giada De Laurentiis comes a perfect vegetarian option for your dinner table. Buon Appetito!

Artichoke Gratinata

Ingredients:

nocoupons

• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1 pound frozen artichoke hearts, thawed (or you can use 2 cans)
  
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup Marsala wine
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1/3 cup plain bread crumbs
• 1/3 cup grated Parmesan

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.

Warm the olive oil in a heavy bottom skillet over medium-high heat. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add the artichoke hearts, parsley, salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes and cook until the artichoke hearts are starting to brown at the edges, about 3 minutes. Add the chicken broth and wine and simmer for 3 minutes. Transfer the artichoke mixture to a 2-quart baking dish.

Melt the butter in the same skillet used to cook the artichokes. In a small bowl mix the melted butter with the bread crumbs. Stir in the Parmesan and top the artichokes with the bread crumbs. Bake until the top is golden, about 10 minutes.

You can also add pancetta or cappacola if you want. Simply take 3 or 4 slices, slice into small pieces, and brown over medium heat until crisp. Add before baking.

Mizzpelled

A tiny conundrum: Why would you commit time, money, brain power for plotting, planning, negotiating, organizing, hiring, developing and executing a business plan to open your own business to then at a critical juncture decide the BEST way to carry your legacy forward would be to annoint your company with name that is misspelled.

Krazy Kousins Realty

This is the business name I saw upon a sign I passed last weekend. No, it wasn't spraypainted on the back of a cardboard moving box staple-gunned to a telephone pole either. It was on a building. Rare? No. There are countless examples of this phenomenon as you already know. Guess who I don't want brokering a deal for me? The person who doesn't know how to spell COUSINS.

And during the financial crisis of our times, when Wharton grads with flawless credits can't secure financing to start their business, best not roll into the Savings and Loan with your horribly selected name. Literacy: the cornerstone of success. And spelling is as important now as it was in first grade. No one loans money to the person launching "Phoebes Phish Pharm."

I'm counting to three....

Guess what is an incredibly fun activity for you and your youngster to enjoy together? It's called TIME OUT.

Well, at least it is an activity even if "incredibly fun" is misleading.

We, being so fresh and new to parenting, thought all we read and heard instilled in us a good line on how to implement and execute Time Out. The good news is we were primarily on the right course. And with a few tweaks, I thought we would have total cooperation. Again, only a fresh and new parent of a toddler would think such foolish things.

We started doing Time Out about six months ago.

While our son quickly absorbed the concept, he decided he didn't actually want to participate. As in, no thanks, I would rather not sit on the stair. Short of holding him down, which produces a joyful noise you can imagine, I wasn't sure what to do. I have assisted him by the arm, and his face looked quite similar to the face of this cub.

Oh yes, I know the imperative role of consistency. I could have simply opted to escort him back to the stair....100 times if necessary. But I wanted an easier and smoother route to his understanding. Oh, and that joyful noise I mentioned? Just wrap your arms around a wild, injured animal next time you are in the woods. Go ahead. Get in close and cuddle. That sound is one you can "block out" only after you hear it for ten straight minutes.

As you can guess, this seemed inefficient for everyone involved.

I was talking to another Doctor at work, and she recommended a book called 1-2-3 Magic. We tried it and Booo Ya. Success. The book gave us some great tips, and as any parent knows, your child will either be an instant conformist, OR the opposite.

Our little man has always been an Angel Baby. He was scheduled from about week one (scheduled within the confines of normalcy and not neurosis that is). And he was an adapter. He was sleeping through the night at nine weeks. Yes, its true. Even then, he was easy breezy.

Toddler time has proven to be the same interesting time for us that it is for anyone else who has ever had a two or three year old expert now living in their house who loves to tell you "I WILL DO IT MYSELF". The pursuit of independence and liberty? I know it well.

But Time Outs are necessary for us. We utilize one of our staircases, and our son has to sit on the bottom step. Initially, he played along very nicely with the theories of 1-2-3 Magic. Testing the boundaries was sporadic. We were at some friends and JohnnyMac dropped the counting on our little man. When he got to three our son looked at him and said, "Where's the stairs Daddy? No time out if there's no stairs!" Wrong. But I respect your rationale.

And so he played a trick on me. He was an instant conformist and now quite frequently, he is in staunch (and vocal) opposition.

One day, it was like baby wrestling. Me, encouraging him to stay in time out (with no emotion. And no talking. Per the book). And he was trying to go pound for pound with me. Umm, kiddo, you won't succeed there. Then he screamed NO MOMMY about thirty times. This tactic failed. He changed course and said, "I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOU!!!!!!!!" You are clever, little bird.

And one day, I was reflecting on where we got off the path of "WOW. WHAT LUCK!! Time outs work beautifully!" and I saw a women we know who has a son a six months older than ours and also a brand new baby. I asked her how things were going and she said if she knew what their older child was going to be like at this age, she would never had another baby. Except, now she has one she likes (said with a tired grin) when she realizes how much the other one drives her crazy. Oh, it takes a lot to be an honest Mom. And I appreciated it. And it made me realize, we are no where near that stage with our son. I can be more patient. Hence he turns into a toddler we want to leave at Grammy's house all summer.

And while he still might not want to do it (and likely never will), we have also achieved the "magical" plateau where simply getting to "2" often helps him modify his behavior.

However, let's be candid. On the occasions in which he declines the invitation to stop whatever it is we want him to stop doing, he might also occasionally opt to treat Time Out like a battle of wills. (I am groomed and bred on this game, just you wait little one. ) Once on the step if he is disinclined to sit their on his own accord, we simply sit him on our laps. This gets very fun, very fast.

And when he has had enough, he shouts at the top of his tiny lungs NO MOMMY NO MOMMY NO MOMMY NO MOMMY. It is ever so pleasant. The art of 1-2-3 Magic is that the parent refrains from the nonstop chatter that goes hand in hand with discipline. And, you are encouraged to be completely emotionless when your child is in Time Out. No back rubbing, no scolding, no talking period. This is a skosh easier when your child is not screaming, and then trying to buck away from you like a wild donkey. Let's hope those instances are few and far between. (Older, wiser parents feel free to laugh now.)

Now, Time Out works on everyone. Daddy did something we are not letting our son do, so Daddy (proving a great point) went to Time Out. Our son felt sad for Daddy so he ran right over. I thought it was great until JohnnyMac gave me the "ahem...how long do I have to sit here?" Sorry! But it was working and I haven't heard pure silence in the house when we are all home together and awake in, well, over two years. And if I can get that, well, I will volunteer to go to Time Out.

And for any one who has a precocious toddler in the house, you know we can all use a little 1-2-3 Magic.

You can leave your hat on

US Airways, not just serving up free beverages on a flight last week. Instead, all passengers and crew were subjected to a free strip show by one of their passengers. No one is paying for this...trust me.

On a flight from Charlotte to LA, a 50 year old Bronx man decided to disrobe. Completely. On the flight.

Oh, that's not what you meant by peanuts anyone?

He not only stripped, he refused to use the little blanket to cover up his business. First: Yuck. I know the air conditioning isn't high tech on those planes, but really? You are so hot you simply can stand another thread of material on you for one more moment? Second: YUCK. Those seats are dirty enough. No they don't come in with bleach rags and Febreze. Now someone has to sit in the seat your bare ass was in. Hope they don't drop their Biscoff on that seat and pick it up to eat it. Third: You have people sitting right next to you don't you? Men are already cramped enough in that tiny narrow space lest you decide to go commando. Thanks for taking "airplane discomfort" to amazing new levels.

Oh, and guess what happens when you won't put your pants on? You get subdued. And arrested.

Have people learned nothing in the past few years about on-plane ettiquette? Do you know that if you even give a flight attendant a dirty look you are at risk of being bounced? Once, while sitting on a Delta plane waiting for people to board, a flight attendant overheard me say a mild profanity and after she shook her finger in my face and upbraided me, I wanted to say something to her. BELIEVE ME. But she was giving me a look like "I will cut you. Deep." And so I did what I rarely like to do (or do period) and kept my lips sealed. Those men and women manning those flights are congenial most of the time, but cross them or pose a threat and they will go prison-style on your ass in less than five seconds. Don't believe me? Act up. See what happens. And you can pen me all about it from your tiny stool in the clink.

The plane had 148 passengers on it. Guess what they did not want to do? Get diverted because you had to free your ding dong. I can't imagine with 148 people on board, anyone wants to even see a naked man, let alone have all travel for the day derailed because of him. And no one even got a lap dance.

Yes, I am sure something was wrong with him. He didn't appear to be under the influence of any alcohol or narcotic, but clearly, something was awry. And no, if something was wrong with him, we should not belittle. However, if you can't fly safely, and clothed, then do not get on the airplane. The other passengers actually wanted to get to LA and didn't want to see your dangler in the process.

The plane was diverted to New Mexico and Mr. Naked went into Federal Custody. I hope the mug shot wasn't full length.

Crazy Talk

Our little bird (e.g. our child, you know I like nicknames) attends an "Early Learning Center". We have discovered ELCs are much, much different than "daycare." How did we learn this? When we paid tuition. Oh, its the same as private schools for high school kids? Nice.

But, he loves it, is excelling there, and I never felt any maternal angst leaving him in their care. In addition, most of the parents there seem great and the kids seem to truly benefit from the educational focus and overall environment. That is why I was surprised to overhear the following conversation down the hall of school yesterday as I walked with little man to his class.

Mom: Will, hurry up. We have to get to your class. (She is 40 paces in front of a little boy about 18 months or so.)

Will drinks his juice and continues walking.

Mom: Fine. I don't care if you hurry. Take ALL the time you want.

Will drinks his juice and continues walking. He is actually moving but come on, his legs are little and he's not a baby cheetah.

Mom: WILL HURRY UP. I am SERIOUS!!! (Rarely do you see parents acting/talking/behaving this way in our school. By all means, I am sure most of us wait until we are home at least!)

Will drinks his juice and continues walking.

Mom: It doesn't matter to me if you hurry at all. Walk as slowly as possible.

Will drinks his juice. He does not appear confused but I am certain I do.

Mom: HURRY UP WILL. RIGHT NOW!!! WE NEED TO GET TO OUR CLASS!!!!!!

Will drinks his juice. Its a long hallway, trust me.

Now, I don't know about Will, but I am thinking what in the @*^# are you talking about? I am all for reverse psychology when it needs to be implemented. Even without a psychology degree, I am confident that you don't alternate between directives and reverse psychology ten times in less than one minute. I am certain you aren't using sarcasm. And I like sarcasm (a lot). But you know who doesn't like sarcasm? Tiny people who barely grasp the English language, think their teddy bear is real, and still wear diapers. We don't use sarcasm in front of our son and he can recite the entire Pledge of Allegiance. But he is only two. Don't you have to wait until your child is at least, I don't know, ten before you introduce sarcastic statements? I hope we never do but I am not making promises. I will attest that we can wait until he is at least exponentially older than he is now.

So if it isn't sarcasm, what exactly is that pattern of dialogue you are whipping around this morning? Should you not choose one approach? It was a little bit like "which way is this bird flying." Which may explain why Will wasn't altering his pace at all because give it one more nanosecond, and she would go right back to "I don't care how fast you walk".

So which is it? You do care about speed and expediency in arriving at the classroom? Or you do not?

I made a tiny note to self: Don't talk this way. It apparently has no impact on your audience, and well, you sound just a little bit crazy. Children will learn this technique quickly. They will have the ability to use it against you one day. Don't give them ammo before they have earned it.

And yes, I can appreciate that Mom may have been having a bad morning. However, crazy talk only makes it worse. You know why? Because all the gibberish wasn't changing the outcome. AT ALL. And even when I am tempted to communicate this way, I will remind myself that Will looked cool as a cucumber while his mom was getting just a wee bit foamy at the mouth.

Someone needs detention

To counterbalance the piles of Language Arts and Social Studies homework most 5th graders are plied with all year, some teachers end the year with a heartfelt collection of memories. Sent home with the kids at year end, these memories are meant to capture the joys and highs of the student's school year.

Unless you live in Elk Grove, California.

And if you live in Elk Grove, California and were a 5th grader in Crystal Defanti's class at Isabelle Jackson Elementary School, your school memories just took "spicy" to a whole new level.

Last week, kids were sent home with a DVD made by their teacher, Ms. Defanti. They were able to scroll through the menu to review various functions and school trips. Until you hit that magic mystery option. Those who did surprised themselves and their families when part of the DVD includes Ms. Defanti having sex on her couch.

Oh my.

Let's all learn a lesson here:

1. Do not put yourself on home video having sex. Ever. Do you think you look like Jenna Jamison? I am certain you do not. Unless you have a full film crew with special lighting and editing equipment, it is never going to look like you think it does.

2. Do not provide permanent evidence of your personal endeavors. To anyone. Heard of YouTube? Heard of YouPorn? Do you want to see yourself on an international media format after the breakup/divorce/bitter end? Do you think all of those other women inadvertently put on the net thought their lover/boyfriend/spouse would never do something like that either? Right.

3. Do not store your videos of the Elementary School Spring Fling in the same desktop file folder as "Getting It On Couch Style". Really? You can make numerous folders. Pay attention.

4. Aren't you a teacher? Do you not tell the children often to REVIEW THEIR WORK BEFORE THEY TURN IN? Should you have done so? Of course. Then you wouldn't wonder why Brad and MaryEllen's fathers smiled at you so much more during the end of the year school picnic.

Bless her heart though. You know she is mortified by such a colossal mistake. Initially, the school asked all parents to return the DVDs. Now they have simply asked that each family destroy the DVD. Ummm hmmmm. I am sure someone kept that video. I am sure that someone has a bizarre school teacher fetish. Poor Ms. Defanti.

A crime? No. Should she be fired? Her own embarrassment is surely a huge price to pay. I am certain she is thrilled the school year is over. Perhaps a long vacation. But this time, please leave your video camera at home.

Take A Bite Of: Spicy Grilled Sweet Potatoes

the perfect cook-out acoutrement. Growing up, my only exposure to sweet potatoes was the mushy kind topped with brown sugar and marshmellows. Ugh. And I wouldn't touch sweet potatoes because of that dish. For years. Well, silly me. Look at all I missed!

Since this is one of the biggest cook-out weekends on the calendar each year, you need something simple, easy, and delicious. This version of a sweet potato will deliver.

From one of my favorite cooking mags, Cooking Light, the perfect side dish.

Spicy Grilled Sweet Potatoes

Ingredients:

3/4 t ground cumin

1/2 t garlic powder

1/4 t salt

1/8 t ground red pepper

1 T olive oil

1 pound peeled sweet potatoes, cut into 1/4 inch slices

cooking spray

2 T. chopped fresh cilantro

Directions:

Combine first four ingredients in small bowl.

Combine olive oil and sliced potatoes in medium bowl to coat.

Heat a large grill pan over medium heat. Coat pan with cooking spray.

Add potatoes, cook about 10 minutes turning occasionally.

Place potatoes in bowl, sprinkle with cumin mixture and cilantro. Toss to coat.

Dance Fever

Shall we spend a minute talking about dancing? But of course. I just watched a video of a dance group in England called Flawless. Guess what?

They are flawless.

Matters not if you like to trip the light fantastic friends, these boys are incredible. If your soul has any rhythm, just take a peek. Believe me. Now let me get back to the floor. I am trying to determine how to mimic at least one of these moves. I may not have as much time to shake it, but when I do, watch out.

And since it is a holiday weekend, and you probably will have a sip or two extra, you might want to get your groove on too. Prepare to be enthralled.

Just brew it....

Now that it is officially summer, I want to make a point. Eddie Cochran had it all wrong. There is a cure for the summertime blues. There is nothing better to combat a hot day than a refreshing and cold beverage. While beer might not be my drink of choice, let me assure you, I know a fantastic ale when it comes my way.

And while you are concerned about the volume of carbs each 12 oz beer comes with, let me share a few little known facts about your barley and hops concoction: Beer not only contains B6, but beers containing hops and malt are also a source of antioxidants. So see, it not only makes you look better on the outside (to other people consuming same said beverage) it may just be making you look better on the inside.

Let me share a little list I compiled. For the next time you are seeking a cold tasty, give one (or more) of these a chance. And with 4th of July just days away, I know I will be sipping one of these for sure after the Peachtree Road Race. And since you may either host or attend a cook out or two, by all means, these are always a welcome guest.

Just a note: I am not man enough to drink dark smoky beers. You will find no stouts, barleywines, or malt liquors on my list. These are meant to refresh you my friend, not weigh you down or cause you to do bad things.

Cheers.


1. Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat. (Thanks to my little brother and that fabulous bar in Boston. This is my all-time favorite. Now faithfully served on Delta Airlines. Love it.)

2. Sam Adams White Ale. It is seasonal so you better get it while its hot.

3. Blue Moon (Belgian style white beer made by Molson and a former World Championship of Beer medalist.)

4. Honeymoon (From the makers of Blue Moon. It is a summer pale wheat ale.)

5. Hoegaarden (Belgian style white beer.)

6. Sweetwater Hummer (Made in Atlanta. Boosting that local economy. And you know you did giggle a little bit over the name. Admit it. )

7. Rising Moon. (From the makers of Blue Moon as well. Great wheat beer with a mild twist of Kaffir lime.)

8. Shock Top (Belgian style white ale with hint of orange. Made by Anheuser-Busch.) Serve with a slice of orange. MMMMM.