Last night, running on the treadmill, a woman gets on the treadmill in front of me. She looks healthy, fit and fabulous. As she was running, I could not help but notice that she had the one thing I think all women despise: cellulite. She was probably a size two and had highly visible cellulite. Causing me to wonder several things:
1. What the ____ is the point of cellulite? oh, a layer of chubby cells for warmth? No thanks. If I want to be warm, I don't need to wrap my legs in down pillows of fat. There are other methods for layering and staying warm that aren't ugly and they are called Patagonia and North Face.
2. If fat cells wanted to collect together and have a party, why not in the breasts only? Or at least give us a selection.
3. Men don't get this at all? EVER? Nice. Why don't you just hand us menopause and PMS too? Wait, you already did that.
3. Even a girl who is a size two gets cellulite? And it isn't just one girl who happens to be a size two. It is many, many women. Apparently if you are over the age of 18, you can be a victim.
4. What the _____ is the word 'lite' even included with the root word? This is silly. And misleading. And sounds like a diet drug. Why not call it something more apropos? Cellumallow.
4. Besides diet and exercise, genetics are the primary instigator of cellulite. So pardon me, Mr. Guy at the Kiosk in the mall, when I call B___sh___ on you. First, work on your approach. Best way to not get a lady on your good side is to stop her and ask if she wants help with her cellulite that you can't actually even see. I saw you do that last week when I popped into my favorite store near your sector.
Also, no, I don't believe you when you promise your little bottle of lotion has been proven to eliminate all cellulite because unless that bottle is full of pure grain alcohol which would impair the vision enough to create the effect it has diminished cellulite, your claim is not sound. How do I know? Because if you truly did have a cure for cellulite you would not in fact be selling it out of a kiosk in the middle of the mall which is the equivalent of living in a van down by the river, but you Sir, would in fact be doing much bigger things, for example, owning the universe.