Tuesday, May 24, 2011

10 steps to a great vacation

Wow. Vacation is delightful. This is our third trip to Disney in the past 8 months. We know just about every nook, cranny and shortcut at this point. And MiniMac is at the perfect age to enjoy even more and more rides and shows. These are 10 steps to a great vacation in Orlando.


1. Take your 4 year old to see Bon Jovi. There is amusement and irony watching him sing every word to "You Give Love a Bad Name" because he certainly does not know love in this context and he certainly has not learned the ways in which to give it a bad name.  We had fantastic seats and hopefully, his retinas and opinion of woman and how woman should dress, look and act will NOT be based on the parade of sassy harlots we saw at the concert. But bravo to you Jon Bon Jovi because if you wanted to be a dirty dog, you had about 19,850 willing participants that night. One woman that was standing behind us was gorgeous but gorgeous in a "Whitesnake" and not really a "Lancome" kind of way. She had a tiny and VERY sparkly shirt on which barely contained those girls under there. Luke saw her. Smiled (because she was blond) and said, "I like your sparkles."

2. Have an awesome husband who hires a driver to fetch you and take you to Amway Center from Disney to see Bon Jovi concert. NICE. Think you don't initially need a driver because you won't have a cocktail because you have  your toddler with you. WRONG. You are going to Bon Jovi. You haven't seen this many sparklers or boobs on display since you went to Mardi Gras. Drink up. Enjoy the driver.

3. Have a waterslide at your resort that your son begs you to go down. Laugh that you secretly know regardless of age, you never have to have your arm twisted to go down a water slide. Love that your son will patiently sit there with Daddy while you go on it 10 times. Ignore the fact you are three times the age of any one else in the waterslide line.

4. Have a blast on the giant lazy river also at the resort. Enjoy your casual, floaty, leisurely pace. Place your son on your lap and rejoice in all his smiling and happiness. Ooops, pay attention to the giant sprayers. Ooops, too late. Fail to realize that getting douched in the face by a giant water cannon will make your son laugh endlessly. Hope that never happens again. Realize you should have spent your energy on other wishes because it happens again, and again.

5. Every morning when you wake up and prepare to spend the day at Disney, find your bottle of patience pills. Select two or three, Swallow them down. YUM. Why do you need them? Because it is Disney. There are so many great families, smiling faces and fun opportunities. There are also fools and some kids so bratty that you want to put soap in their mouths. But you can't. Because that isn't the Disney way. So gobble down your patience pills.

6. Feel free to skip rides you don't want to go on. Unless your child asks you to go. Like the rickety clackety rail road roller coaster at Magic Kingdom. Oh, it's called Thunder Mountain. And should be called "Rickety Clackety" for sure. MiniMac asked me to go on it. I have clearly expressed on this site I no longer enjoy the company of roller coasters. But his tiny voice said, "It won't be scary" to which you respond, "Umm, who is scared?" So you go on it and right before the first big plunge, he shouts, "LET'S HOLD HANDS!!" and you think you need a hand to hold more than he does. But you also love these numbered days where holding your hand is all the comfort your child needs.

7. Laugh and smile to yourself watching your grown man of a husband hug characters like Winnie and Tigger because it makes your son feel a little more comfortable. Know that this is something your husband would NEVER have planned to do or enjoy. But he does it because he really wants your son to have the best time possible. Smile that he is also willing to wait in line for 30 minutes for your son to meet Buzz and Woody. Even though you both look like sweet patient angels, you are rejoicing for the fact you both have your phones with you so you can send pics instantly to grandparents (and check Facebook.) Also smile and give God a high five that you have a boy and do not have to wait in one "Princess" line. Except Rapunzel, because your son has a crush on her. Oh, and that line was 2.75 hours long when we got in it. Buy your son a pic of Rapunzel and skedaddle away from that line and get back to the fun rides.

8. Take your son up in a hot air balloon. Admire that he is not the LEAST bit fearful of it. We did this and it was a first for both of us. AMAZING. Sunset over Disney? Here you go:



9. Find your favorite ride. Go on it as many times as you want. Two rides I love: Test Track and Soarin'. Single rider line is the one perk parents with a kiddo get. One stays with the kiddo and the single rider line is your fast track to the front. And when your child is old enough, take him on the ride and see if likes it. Applaud when he does so you can go on it even more.

10. If you are going to Disney for a week, rent a place with separate bedrooms and a kitchen. And stock that kitchen with some healthy snacks and plenty of beverages. I will starve to death before I eat a hotdog at a Disney park. And the perfect way to end a full day at Disney when your toddler is off to slumber is a giant glass of wine. In fact, "giant glass of wine" might be perfect in any situation involving many children.

15 comments:

Slamdunk said...

You have some gems there JM.

I would never have thought about being a dad and hugging Buzz and Donald Duck--thanks for giving me time to confront my fears before we go in the future.

Ed said...

So the truth comes out. These trips are for YOU, not MiniMac.

lol

Sara said...

Sounds like an amazing time! Definitely second the "get a room with kitchen" if staying a week. We are heading to Florida for a week in July, a condo with a kitchen was a must.

Michael said...

That sounds like a great list for the vacation. I'm 3 weeks away from taking my five year old to Disney for the first time and love some the advice.


All I could think of as you wrote about your husband hugging Pooh and Tigger, was that maybe it was similar to the water slide and in truth he just needed an excuse too :)

Pricilla said...

I had such a blast at Epcot with my goddaughters. I danced with Tigger and Pooh and their laughter is STILL with me 10 years later. They loved watching their old "aunt" acting the fool with a big stuffed cat and bear but it was as you say, worth every minute.

Intense Guy said...

You missed a tip...

Go when the weather is nice!

:)

Kristina P. said...

I am reading this with suck longing. I've been up in a hot air balloon once. It's a good thing I did it when I wasn't such a wimp.

Mommy Lisa said...

Yeah - Boo Boo got over any type of plunging ride last December at Nickelodeon Universe. Mother.Of.The.Year I am.

http://www.mommysnest.com/2010/12/holiday-shopping-with-boo-boo-la-la.html

Bouncin' Barb said...

Great post. Sounds like a great time was had by all. Cherish those moments with hand holding child is right!

Eva Gallant said...

Sounds like a wonderful time was had by all!

K A B L O O E Y said...

I think I'd have to wear a hydration backpack full of wine to get through a trip to Disney. But reading this makes me feel better because I know I have to go. My daughter is six and I gather it's the law. (Only consolation: she doesn't do princesses either.)

Kir said...

seriously are you "THE COOLEST" parents on the planet????? I want you to adopt me!!! NOW!!!! ;)

I am so glad that you had such a good time and that being MiniMac's mommy and daddy is a vacation of joy all by itself!

xo

Talia said...

This had me laughing at every suggestion.

Glad you had a great vacation jam packed with warm fuzzies!

DogsDontPurr said...

Oooh...what are these "patience pills" you speak of? And do they really work for a day at Disney? If so, do tell. I really need some of those!

Maria said...

Ahh, another Disney crack addict! So happy the weather cooperated, the Bon Jovi rocked, and that you all had a wonderful time!