Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A positive and negative of holiday shopping

Scenario 1:  I visit a swank boutique last week. A girlfriend recently bought a gorgeous Kill City leather jacket and I wanted one. The boutique hunts one down for me and I am delighted to go and try it on. A beautiful and uber sassy boy behind the counter helps me. I try the jacket on and return it to him. The following conversation ensues:

Him: Uh oh. (Makes a sad face.)
Me: I love it but I did not realize it is cropped in the back.
Him: Girl, who cares! Everyone loves cropped!
Me: Everyone? Maybe Mary Kate and Ashley but not necessarily everyone.
Him: Didn't you say your friend wore this jacket the other night?
Me: Yes, but I did not realize it was cropped only in the back.
Him:  (with venom) PROBABLY BECAUSE IT LOOKED GOOD!

Me: 1. Jacket: 0. Final verdict: Negative. There are various methods to sell me a gorgeous garment. The verbal betch slap method is not on that list. But bless that sassy heart.


Scenario 2: Shopping in Bloomingdales for possible holiday gifts for JMac, I peruse one section of the men's department. An older, well-dressed, distinguished- looking man appears to be looking for something. From about ten feet away, he politely calls to the Associate with whom I am speaking.

Him: and says, "Show me to your pants, please?"
Her: Brief pause. Then: Excuse me?
Him: Ma'am?
Her: My panties?
Me: WTF?
Him, very slowly: Show me to your pants. Please.
Her: Hand over mouth, mortified look on face. Then: Oh, I am terribly sorry. Men's pants are one section behind you.
Me: HAHAHAHAHA.

Yes, he phrased the question in an unusual way. BUT even the randiest codger does not walk into Bloomingdales during the holiday shopping frenzy and ask one of the Associates: Show me your panties. Poor girl. She needed a cocktail on the spot. Final verdict: Positive because I witnessed it and it was hilarious. And you know she laughed her arse off later. At least I hope she did.

27 comments:

AmyLK said...

CUTE! Both of them!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

LOL OMG the panties story is awesome!!!!!!

obladi oblada said...

LOL!!!! The whole panties thing...thanks for my very first real laugh of the day!

Eva Gallant said...

Both were hilarious! lol

Barbaloot said...

I hope the older gentlemen laughed a lot later as well:)

Bouncin' Barb said...

Now that is a hoot. Definitely cocktail worthy. Thanks for sharing that laugh.

Stephanie Faris said...

LOL...well, I'm sure that gave that associate a funny story to tell everyone at Christmas!

Mommy Lisa said...

Yes PANTIES! I highly approve of the use of the word. ;)

Kristy said...

Maybe that was part of the problem - she had already had a cocktail or two!

Kelli said...

Oh dear.
Last week during a video shoot, my boss (white male) says to woman on camera (black female) "Can you say that last one again?"
She stares at him for a while and finally answers, "Did you say 'use the N- word?' "
Whoa. For the record, there was not laughing after that one.

Kristina P. said...

Haha, those are both hysterical, guuuurl.

hotpants™ said...

Love these! Show me your panties. Ahahahaha!

DaisyGal said...

loved the "Panties" "Pants Please" LOOOVED IT> :)

but you should have bought the jacket, you probably looked GOOD...Divine even ;)

Pricilla said...

Poor girl was probably exhausted.
Christmas and retail is a deadly combination.

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

Sassy needs a wedgie - no one needs a bitchslapping by a sales clerk.

Can only imagine the look on both faces at Bloomingdales :) Too funny!

Congrats on your publications!! I'm so excited for you!!!!

Merry Christmas, JM!

Elz said...

Pants+please = panties! Too funny. I wonder if she's been asked that before?! ;)

When Pigs Fly said...

It's all in the delivery. Hope you have a terrific weekend. Merry, merry!

jules said...

She must have been mortified! ha ha ha.

Slamdunk said...

Geez with the show me guy, you'd think the sales associate would have heard just about everything and had an endless "I know what you mean" translation talent.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family JM.

Intense Guy said...

I'm going to try that second dude's pickup line sometime...


Bail me out of jail will you?

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Thanks for the morning giggles!!!

Merry Christmas.

vanilla said...

Great shopping stories, notwithstanding I have no clue as to what a jacket "cropped in back only" is or would be, or...

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

ladytruth said...

Well, even if she didn't find it funny, it seems there are at least 22 other people who found it hilarious :) Good reading you again!

Maria said...

Both stories are WAY better than what I encountered at our outlet mall earlier this week. Both in the parking lot and in the stores, PLEASE don't cut off women who are dragging FIVE children with them. It is hard enough. You wouldn't even think it was Christmas time

Wishing you all the best JennyMac I would have paid good money to have seen that Bloomingdale's exchange!

Caty said...

Ha Ha so funny =)

J.J. in L.A. said...

I would've told 'jacket dude', "I may have a big @$$, but at least I don't have to LOOK at it (his face) in the mirror every day."

Life with Kaishon said...

That is HILARIOUS!