Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Wonderous World of Haterade

I remember the first time I heard the word Hater. What used to be strictly found in rap songs is now an often heard vocabulary word. Contrary to what might be taught on MTV Cribs, a Hater is not merely someone who envies someone else. A Hater is also someone who just wants to bring people down a notch.

I like to think I could never be such a thing. But I am sure, as with many things, there is sliding scale of Haterville. From someone sweet as candy to the girl that belongs on the Real Housewives of Dirtyville. And as nice as we might be, I think anyone can be susceptible to unsavory behavior from time to time.

And while you aren't quite drinking from the firehose, this is what I like to call having a tiny sip of Haterade. For example: 

You are having a tiny sip of Haterade if you mock Jessica Simpson and her crappy music but still know AND SING all the words to Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Or if you openly criticize people who watch The Hills and The OC but you watch every episode of Gossip Girl AND know all names of all characters.

Ditto if you belittle Harry Potter fans but you yourself are a Twihard.

Or if you can not stand it when people type LOL or LMBO but you LOVE to type OMG and WTF.

Or if you say things like "I can NOT believe any adult would watch High School Musical!" yet you still dance around and sing every word to every song in Grease. Zac Efron is this decade's Danny Zuko. How does that haterade taste?

And you are having a tiny sip of Haterade if you smirk at someone's PRADO bag because its fake, but you bought yours over in Chinatown in NYC for $75.

Or if you are man, lamenting about some "poor musclehead fool" in his "tight tshirt" yet, you go home and stand in front of the mirror flexing, and sucking in your stomach at the same time.  

Or, if you say things like "I can't believe she would date that dolt" knowing you would date him in a hot minute if given the chance.

Or if you roll your eyes in disdain at some woman flashing her ample cleavage, but know full well you have done that before OR would do so frequently if you were built for it.

Or, if you snark at some sassy outfit you see on another woman whilst you and your pals sip your cocktails, and then wear something very similar a week later. Significantly more than a sip of Haterade if you said, "I can't believe she is wearing that..."

Or, if you are a man who loves to yell at the screen during game time about how YOU would NEVER miss that shot/drop that pass/wank that tee shot, yet you pull a ligament doing a simple push-up.

Or, when you give a nonchalant shrug to your neighbor who is ecstatic over the Seven Jeans she bought online for 75% off, and you remark "awww, good for you" but you don't mean it, but then you go home and spend two hours scouring eBay for a similar fabulous deal.

Or, if you despise the office gossip, because gossip is clearly dangerous. But then you think you are only sharing "news" but it is all "news" you preface with "Don't tell anyone I told you this..." 

Or, if you sometimes get a touch sour over your spouse's obsession with sports AND the inordinate amount of time your spouse spends watching/discussing/analyzing relative sporting events, BUT you spend all that time AND more on your shoe purchases, girlfriend chitty-chat, or your blog, well, put down the Haterade.

Better stop now, or I will soon see you snacking on these:

And I am happy to share this post was my first article published by Technorati last week. Thankfully,  Technorati is NOT sipping on haterade. 

46 comments:

Kristi Faith said...

aha! Love it! :)

the walking man said...

Now isn't that wonderful that technorati finally gave you your due?




heheheheheheheheheheheh hatorade don't taste so bad

Christopher said...

i know a chic that sells em out of her trunk for 50$

the trick is just to date girls that don't know the difference

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

Haterade tastes terrible, yet we still serve it up like it's champagne. Well... sometimes. Guilty as charged on more than one, but fortunately not all that many.

♫♪ You're the one that I want! You are the one for... Ooo Ooo Ooo Honey!♪♫

TKW said...

The election is over, so I'm going to take a big drink of Haterade, because I voted but don't care about the results!

Hit Me Baby One More Time!

singedwingangel said...

PREECHHHH I call it being a hypocrite. Ya know when Jesus said how dare you point out the splinter in your neighbor's eye when you can't see past the telephone pole in yours.. umm yeah

ChopperPapa said...

Far too many, and I'm mostly looking at some of you ladies, have Haterade hooked up to an IV.

Hate the game, not the player.

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

I'm betting there's a little bit of Haterade in everyone's fridge.

Good post Jenny Mac!

Mighty M said...

I think I'm a hater.

Later.

Scrappy Girl said...

Love it! Hater Tots...hahahaha

The Boob Nazi said...

I totally drink Haterade. Oh well.

Dumblond said...

Just because Zac Efron and HSM is this generation's Grease doesn't mean I have to like it. Give me Sandy and Danny any day!
And congrats on the Technorati love!

Cara Smith said...

I think we all are a little bit guilty of this from time to time. Like when I want to gripe at my husband for not cleaning out the garage...but I haven't scrubbed the tub in a little too long.

Eva Gallant said...

Love it....the shoe fit there once or twice, too!

Kristina P. said...

Oh no! I am guilty of a few of these. But I consider that just having a good taste.

Scraps said...

A) Hit Me Baby One More Time is Britney Spears... I'm having trouble coming up with a Jessica Simpson song but I know there's one about t-shirts or some such.

B) I guess I need to brush up on my urban dictionary--I always thought Hater boiled down to jealousy more than hypocrisy. Though I suppose it all falls under the heading of sour grapes!

Fun post! Love the HSM/Grease comparison, especially.

Allyson & Jere said...

Great post!! I think we are ALL guilty of some of these "offenses." I call that human nature.

Love the term Haterade!

Together We Save said...

Great post!!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Love it!

Yankee Girl said...

Those are all great examples of Haterade! What a great article and great job on calling everyone out. We all probably have done it at one point or another!

And I absolutely know all the songs in HSM. And no I don't have a young child to blame it on!

Barbaloot said...

I'm just hating on the fact that you credited a Britney Spears song to Jessica Simpson. They are both very different. Right?

Mommy Lisa said...

I liked High School Musical - of COURSE its corny and cringe-worthy at points, but its still good fun!

obladi oblada said...

I love it...Haterade, Hatertots..whats next? A Bacon, Lettuce and Tomhater Sandwich? BTW, I resemble the first one (Jessica Simpson/Brittany Spears)

KittyCat said...

I totally use WTF all the time. Are you making fun of me? ha ha.

I agree I dont do any of the above, but I am not too good to be a hater now and again.

Everyone has a spiteful side to them. Its just most of us dont release it out into the world.

Great post!

Soccermom approved :)

Shell said...

This post is hilarious!!!!

Congrats!

Heather@WHMB said...

Okay, okay - guilty! Drinking from the fire hose of Haterade I'm afraid. :)

Kat said...

I try very, very hard not to drink the Haterade. I really can't cast stones. I watch Glee. And have been to every Midnight Harry Potter release party. To each his or her own. Just don't bash Glee... I WILL open up a big can of whoop a**. And congrats on Technorati publishing you. It's about time! Kat

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh yes to be a critic, Glass houses ... hmm As I keep reminding myself be better, stop being quick to judge because I myself does not like it!

Easy to preach it to the kids but to take an innered look not so much :). A work in progress.

Elaine Bullin said...

Haterade may not be a personality trait that we like to admit but as you so well point out, it is part of all of us.

MommaAmma said...

What if you hate all the types of people above and the haters who hate them? What does that make me? Excuse me while I go sip on my snarkybitcherade.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Or the person who acts 'holier than thou' because he attends church every Sunday, then tells dirty jokes in the parking lot afterwards. I know such a person.

I hate when people say, "Don't tell anyone I told you this..."

I always reply, "Then don't tell me." I miss out on a lot of gossip, but I can look the person in the face without any guilt.

Luna said...

great post and very true.

secret agent woman said...

Why are you hating on hypocrisy, hater?

Little Ms J said...

Everyone hates every now and then... people wouldn't always strive harder if they didn't have someone to compete against. Although, if I saw that skank, Jessica Simpson...

Kidding.

Good for her that she can wear mom jeans and still nail hotties. AND John Mayer referred to sex with her as being like liquid cocaine. I have to give the girl some mad props.

Babes Mami said...

hahaha to hater tots! And woo ha on your article!

Slamdunk said...

I would throw in there the folks who complain constantly about politicians by are always too busy to vote (maybe they are all secretly convicted felons who lost that right).

Off to read your published work--you go JM.

Kate said...

Huh. Okay, so what if you belittle People and US magazine in public but then devour thesuperficial.com at night? A little Hatery? A tad? But in a fun way? Yes, that's it! Funhater!

carissajaded said...

Congrats on Technorati, that's awesome! As for the haterade, I was actually thinking about that tonight. I was sitting there thinking that I'm an inheriently good person. I don't think a lot of bad thoughts, and I try to be honest. But dude... when I really started thinking about it... I can be a total bitch sometimes.

shortmama said...

Ok saying high school musical is this generations Grease...yeah that puts things into perspective! So true!

KittyCat said...

Just wanted to say LOVE YOU and what you have to say everyday.
Keep on keepin on. : )

Belle said...

WTF is so much better than LOL though. LOL makes me want to punch people in the face, while WTF makes me want to hug them. Fine, I'll go eat the Hater Tots...

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I am 50% Irish, 25% alcoholic (is that the same as Irish), and 25% Hater it seems!

Maria said...

I guess I need a chug of the Haterade...'cause sometimes the news is too big not to share...It doesn't count if you share with your sister who works with you, right?

WhisperingWriter said...

Ha, well I'm amused.

And for the record, I don't get Harry Potter OR Twilight.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Congratulations! You deserve it! And not a touch of Haterade to it!

Intense Guy said...

I save my hate for politicians and other morons.

:)