Bird brain

After a little run late Monday afternoon, I walked to my car in the parking lot of this golf course. A man, thoroughly pissed, looks to be yelling at his car. As I approach my own vehicle, I am close enough in proximity to him to discover the source of his outrage. At first, I believe his face to be so red due to the heat and the fact he looks to have just played some golf.

Steps away from him, I realize his fury is over the fact he had bird caca all over his windshield.

He says to me, as I am the only one nearby, CANYOUBELIEVETHISSH*T?

Literally or figuratively? Well..yes on both accounts. We are both parked under a tree in effort to block some of the sun from igniting our interiors. And you had your top down, clown, so be glad there isn't a treat waiting on the seat for you. I don't answer him.

He clearly had a bad golf game, and probably a few el hozzels, because I have never seen someone get SO. PISSED. OFF. over this. He behaved as if he simply would not accept this travesty. I wanted to high tail it out of there before he either turned green and shredded his clothes a la a very unincredible Hulk, or the paramedics came to run the defibrillator.

As I take something out of my trunk, he asks me, like we are old pals, "What are you going to do when a bird sh*ts on your car?" First of all Bobby Knight, why don't you reduce the volume. You are yelling like a robbery victim. I didn't say that because he appeared to be ready to cut someone.

I looked at him as I got in my car. I think he is playing a trick question on me. So I say, "Ummmmmmmm. Wash it off?"

The funniest part is the look on his face as if he had NO IDEA what I was referring to....wash it off? What is this nonsense to which you refer?

I happened to notice his wedding ring when I went past him. Anyone who about hemorrhages over something so insignificant is probably a really neat spouse. If you like the male version of NO MORE WIRE HANGERS.

And yes, anyone can have a bad day. But even on my worst day, I didn't go apocalyptic over bird poop.

I hope his wife likes cocktails. In fact, I am sure she does.