The Evolution of the Crush

While at the beach, a darling 7 year old boy invited me to go play volleyball with him. He was adorable. Maybe it was because I was demonstrating stellar volleyball skills in the pool. Or, as his Mom put it, he likes older women. He was one of a set of triplets. All going to be heartbreakers one day. And at the rate our son is going, kissing a picture of Scarlett Johannsen in my Vogue, in a few more years he will be inviting an older woman he meets at the pool to play volleyball too.

Remember your first crush? My first crush happened in about 4th grade. My older brother had a friend I found to be perfectly dreamy. That crush lasted until I was about 15. I did what all poised young ladies do: acted like a total buffoon everytime he was near. I told my older brother once, " I bet he wants to marry me." To which my brother responded, " I think he would rather hold your face underwater for a long, long time."

Around that same era, I developed a crush on a friend of our family and every time he would come over, I would flee in the other direction, likely wretching and carrying on to the point he asked me one day, point blank, "Do you think I have boy germs or something?" I was frozen in time. Why is he talking to me? My parents laughed uproariously and then promptly nicknamed him BoyGerms and mocked me for at least five years if not longer. 

My first year of high school I developed a huge crush on a boy two years older, Boots. Maybe crush is an understatement, more like a suffocation. I think it was no secret from any of my friends or him. He went on Spring Break and brought me a present back. Again, I was frozen in time. And then thought, I knew it!!!! Kisses are on their way! Not quite, but once my older brother gave me a charley horse after I was not listening to a single thing he said because I was super busy writing my name  as Mrs. Jenny Boots. My brother also implored "Try not to be so *&$#^*! OBVIOUS!" What? Telling a 15 year old girl how to manage her hormonal fascinations and fluctuations? He would have been more successful getting me to go to school wearing leg warmers made from scrambled eggs. 

In law school, I had a crush on one of our professors. I had told not a soul except my BFF MarciaGarcia. Likely because she would only intermittently mock me for it but  allegedly, she also had a crush on another law professor. It was rarely discussed as fraternizing between professors and law students was uber-taboo. Not because we were puritans but because a few professors and one Dean were up the infamous creek a la sh*t from previous transgressions years before.

A few years after I moved to Atlanta, through some connections, I was invited to a concert at the hottest country bar in the state. Prior to the concert was a private Meet & Greet with the performer, a male country singer.  I like multiple genres of music and while I was unfamiliar with this artist, I thought it sounded fun. The minute I laid eyes on Mr. X, outside I said, "WOW" but inside I said, "MEEEEEEEOW." Later, I was pulled aside and told "Mr. X asked me who you were." I tried to cover my intense desire to do some high kicks with my Smirky McSmug face like, "He did?" and instead asked, "What did you say?"

His response: I told him you were my girlfriend.
My response: Really? 
His response: Jennifer, you are my girlfriend. 
Me: I KNOW but remember when I stated you had a free pass with the lead singer from Trick Pony? I meant it!

Not exactly precious moments. But really, we weren't that serious. And we laughed about it many times afterward.

And now that I am happily married, I reserve my crushes for non-legitimate outlets. Like Mark Ruffalo. Or McDreamy. And maybe I will partially admit I was fine with watching Dear John because of the dirty-sexy combination of Channing Tatum. 

But the best crushes are starting out with our little man. Who not only adores Scarlett (and she is a fine choice but  I see him trending always toward the blondes and have no problem reminding him brunettes are fabulous too) but Mini got asked to dance one night at the beach by a girl four years his senior. And once he said yes, his smile couldn't be shifted off his face for that entire song. Watching him smile like that reminded me exactly how the evolution of the crush works.

And of course, she was blond. 

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PS: Blogger is still intoxicated from the holiday weekend. There has been difficulty posting comments since Saturday and some comments will not post today. AND at one point I was locked out completely. If there is no post tomorrow, you will know it is because I am going to ask Blogger to step outside for a duel.