Monday, August 5, 2013

Hot Sh*t

At the gym yesterday, I overheard two guys discussing a particular female.

One guy: I don't really like her, she is kind of conceited.
Other guy: Me either, she thinks she is such hot sh*t.

Hmmmm. There are several phrases that make no sense to me and this is one.  If someone is conceited, do they really think they are hot sh*t? Are there NO other phrases to employ that make more sense? Does anyone who actually is conceited look in the mirror pursing their lips, smiling at themselves and ask what do I remind myself of? A beauty queen? Madonna? A super model? Oh, I KNOW, warm feces. It does not make any sense. The only thing worse than a pile of sh*t would be a hot one. I was once out with girlfriends and one of them was getting hit on a man who most definitely did not lack in the confidence sector (see, a clearer way to describe someone who thinks they are hot sh*t) and she asked him, "When you get home, do you kiss yourself goodnight?" It was hilarious because we were on cocktail #3, but really, even that doesn't make sense and it is STILL better than 'hot sh*t' right?

I realize it is just a phrase but it is a pretty horrible one, you have to concur.

BUT, should you or someone you know suffer from classifying yourself as hot sh*t, do not worry. You know what will knock you down a peg from all your comingled self-love and poopy thoughts? A polaroid picture. Seriously. They make virtually everyone look ugly, especially the close ups. How do I know?  Well, because a friend took one for me and when I gazed at it, I thought perhaps I was looking in a funhouse mirror. Except I was not. Yikes. Where is the Photoshop button on those archaic things?!? So, if you have a friend suffering from the disease, snap that polaroid. It will work. I promise.

So, if we can't deconstruct the phrase at least I have offered a cure for it. 


injaynesworld said...

You're right! Who came up with that one? From now on when I hear that term uttered, I will only think of "warm feces." Then I will laugh and wet my pants.

vanilla said...

I suppose that "full of oneself" may not be appropriate, either. But it is my expression of choice when referring to certain individuals.

Little Ms J said...

I seriously do not know what we did before Instagram.

Love that you eavesdrop at the gym too. Lots of fodder.