Now that I have your attention, let's discuss a common practice among many women. Oh, I have participated in the discussion a time or two myself but its been a long time and I am quite thankful to say so. On my morning flight to Philly yesterday for a period of approximately 20 minutes which actually felt like forever, I enjoyed very little the conversation of two women behind me discussing of all things, size of her recently received engagement ring. She was excited and giddy the way most women with newly minted fingers are, but it is the line of dialogue that makes me think, 'if he could hear you right now, he would likely change his mind.'
How did we as women devolve into creatures where a large portion of a man's value is directly correlated to the size of the diamond he bought you? Really, tell me how. How can we surpass confidence, intelligence, loyalty, kindness, family ties, ambition, care, skill set, religion even choice of music, books and dance moves and land all the chips on the box marked RING?
The conversation behind me went something like this:
Friend: Oh, did you know he was going to ask you on Valentines Day?
Girl: OMG no, and it was a total surprise. Except we talked about rings for 6 months.
Friend: LET ME SEE IT!
Girl: Didn't he do good?
Friend: WOW that is SUPER DUPER!
Girl: oh, I was VERY specific! (apparently also part of the 'total surprise component')
Friend: Well, you have a keeper.
Girl: Even my Mom was like, OH what a good boy.
Really girls? Your soon to be spouse is a 'good boy' because he knows "how to buy stuff?"
So the simple act of shopping categorizes him as top shelf? Does he know your system by which he is measured? I hope not. PS: You sound mentally soft. PSS: The first time you get really irritated w/him, talk to your ring about it. PSSS: "mentally soft" is the nice way I say "dumb."
Is it fun to be excited? Yes. I like to say things like "Yippee" and toss in a few high kicks. Is it fun to be giddy? Bring it. Is it fun
to get a sparkly new treat? Amen. But this on-going conversation isn't
about happy/giddy/sparkly. It is about gauging worth based on size.
Oh listen, I like baubles like the best of them. My husband is great at picking out gifts and I have some fabulous pieces of jewelry. When I see beautiful jewelry on others, I say, "how awesome" or "that is beautiful" or "what a gorgeous surprise."
I do not look at engagement rings and exclaim "you are so lucky to get that guy based on that ring."
And I was once privy to the most awkward conversation between ring-wearer and another girl who clearly thought the ring was a 'starter' ring. The ring-wearer made an uncomfortable expression and politely exclaimed, "It was his grandmother's."
My thought: Why are you explaining yourself to Princess Tactless?
My second thought: Now you don't have to invite her to the wedding.
One of the most beautiful couples I know have simple matching bands. Frankly, I would also classify them as one of the most happily married couples I know which in this time of society of dwindling counts of happily married people, it is quite a statement.
In the current times where our culture certainly spends days sliding down a sewer pipe of trash television and poor behavior, can we set the bar a little higher? Let'd so and teach younger women to side step this type of conversation. Pretty please?