Yesterday, I was penning some thoughts on recently turning 41 and not only what still lies ahead but the simple reality I could be at the half way point of my life. I had a great window of time to think about the highlights of my life and some important lessons learned. Oh, the fact you get to turn another year older is a gift not everyone receives.
Last night when walking down the street in NYC, we passed in front of two gentlemen. I received the following compliment from one of them:
I would tear your middle-aged *ss UP. Ugggh.
I actually do not know how you hit on women but I do have some thoughts on how you do NOT hit on women. And ironically, as I was reminiscing on past and present I can assure you, I have never heard such a statement. Clearly, there are many, many unsavory aspects of this comment.
First, thank you for noticing me. OOOPS, I spoke to soon. Don't stand on the sidewalk and haggle women. This has nothing to do with being in NYC. This type of shenanigan occurs in every city. PS: No great relationship started with a catcall on a sidewalk except maybe a Richard Gere movie from the 80s, something currently in production with Channing Tatum, or a porn movie.
Second, the expression I would tear your *ss up sounds a little scary, Hannibal Lecter. You sound creepy. There is more than one reason no wedding vows include I promise to tear your *ss up. If you like this type of behavior Christian Grey, keep it to yourself or your actual playmate. This statement reminded me of Mike Tyson's first fight when he was released from prison. Not the image any woman correlates to love or cartoon bluebirds.
Third, please don't grunt and lick your lips when you make comments to women. Women are not like a shelf of barbequed ribs. Yikes. And really, you are giving us far too much power over you. And your ding-dong. Simmer down.
Finally, really? You had to date stamp me? Middle-aged? I just turned 41! Oh wait, I am actually middle-aged. Good for you for gauging my age range. I am actually quite fine with being 41. I am hopeful more great things lie ahead. Here is a tip, most women are age-anxious. Don't guess age like a carnival barker and shout it out with glee like Rudolph. Women don't like this. But if you MUST do this, most women will prefer you round down.
My more poetic thoughts on age and aging will return after this brief interruption on this important PSA.
Have a gorgeous weekend. And behave.