Tuesday, June 21, 2011

If you ask the guy why you so fly, he'll say the Funky Cold Medina.

Seriously, what is Medina, where can you get it, why does it have to be cold and what makes it funky? This song for what it lacks in sensible lyrics certainly makes up for in catchiness and beats.

Yesterday at the gym, I happily listened to music and as if on auto pilot, when Baby Got Back came on, I sang every word including the classic lines "my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon." And as that song transitioned into Salt and Pepa's Push It, I realized upon the intro, that at the time the song came out, I really didn't know what they meant by "all you fly brothers." 

It reminded me the 80's  was a fantastic decade for music. Songs I still listen to (and sing) to this day. But apparently, when I dig deeper, I need to revisit the 80's for a little education. And no, I don't mean a refresher in Home Ec ( I would ROCK that class now) or how to avoid picking up your teacher's athletic cup and calling it a ball holder (which I openly shared) or how to discourage myself from wearing legwarmers and zipper pants. I mean, I need to revisit the 80's for some education on what some of these artists were trying to say in many of the songs we all know and love. For example:

When do doves actually cry? And how do you know?

What exactly is a sucka DJ?

How does one rock a mic like a vandal? And by the way, Robbie Van Winkle, thank you for the singular positive thing you did in your life. Ever.

Do I really just need one night in Bangkok? No. How do I know this? Because this is how you are selling it: it’s the creme de la creme of the chess world. Really? The CHESS world? WOW. You know how to seduce a girl.

Who is Eileen and can she explain how exactly you loo rye ay?

What exactly does it mean to be “Livin like a lover with a radar phone?” And incidentally, it sounds like when pouring sugar on me, you are saying “living like a lover with a red iPhone.” I thought Def Leppard was the 80's hairband version of Nostradamus.

I understand you are hungry like the wolf but how does one actually smell like they sound?

How can you technically dance on the ceiling? Or better yet, what were you ingesting when you thought you did that. Let me introduce you to another popular phrase in the 80's Lionel: Just Say No to Drugs.

How did you know there was a code word, and could you not have crafted something sexier and more James Bond sounding than “Word up”? Word up sounds like a cross between a spelling bee and a game we played in 4th grade called Heads Up, Seven Up.

Big question mark on the entire song Monkey by George Michael. You were a hot man with tight jeans that impacted the boyfriend dress code for at least a decade. But given your penchance for shenanigans, the lyrics about sharing your baby with a monkey are frankly creepy because I can picture it and not in the way you meant.

I wanted candy back then too. But does anyone really like candy when it is stuck to a sweater?

How can someone be tough, hangin’ tough or otherwise when being encouraged to “get out on the floor and do the new kids dance.” I saw that dance. And believe me, it was about as tough as butterfly wings. And less graceful.

Where is Funkytown?

If you were going to get it on, which many people like to do, at what point does it cross your mind to stop getting it on and take a big break to bang a gong? No one does this. There is a reason the Gong Show was limited to a few seasons. Even porn stars trading sex for spearmint gum aren't suggesting this accoutrement.

Did Air Supply write a single song without the word love in it?

Is it Don’t bring me down, gruuuuuuce or Don’t bring me down, Bruuuuuce?  And by the way, if you tell me once more before you get off the floor, you already are down, I can’t bring you down any further.

I understand rhythm is a dancer but what in the world is a “source companion?” And really, you are serious as cancer when you say rhythm is a dancer? WOW. Now that I know you are serious, it all makes sense. 

And finally, I would love to have fun tonight but don’t have a clue how to Wang Chung tonight. It sounds like something dirty. Or a delicious take-out dish. Or a combination of both.


Intense Guy said...

Funkytown "expresses the singer's pining for a metaphorical place that will "keep me movin', keeps me groovin' with some energy".

I wish I knew what metaphorical meant...

A Daft Scots Lass said...

a Brilliant post!!! Brilliant!!!

Simply Suthern said...

I gotta say, I liked the 70's music better.

SpiritPhoenix said...

Love this post.

Personally, I always thought the line from Def Leopard was "Livin like a lover with a red hot thong."

Still a bit odd, but less so than the radar phone.

Jennifer Vanderbeek said...

Ahhh, what a trip down memory lane. ALMOST makes me want to bust out those remember the 80s cds.

*Did Air Supply write a single song without the word love in it?* Can't think of a one, to be honest. It was their niche.

*I understand rhythm is a dancer but what in the world is a “source companion?”*
I was under the impression that rhythm was a SOUL's companion... which makes a tiny bit more sense than 90% of the rest of the collective 80s lyrics.

Bossy Betty said...

I live in Funkytown, It used to be a fun place, but now it sort of smells.

Ed said...

I know have a bunch of 80's songs stuck in my head.

It only took me 20 years to get them out of there the first time.

Thanks for that.

brokenteepee said...

It was the confluence of too much bad disco, too many bad clothing choices from the 70ies and too many bad drugs along with the declining state of the American education system. It all came together in bad 80ies lyrics.

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

I'm a fan of 80's music. They at least left some room for questions. Now the lyrics don't just spell it out for you, they shout it out. I'm in favor of a little mystery. But, I'm from the genration that thought "Louie Louie" had "secret dirty lyrics". So secret I never knew what they were. lol

B.o.B. said...

lol! awesome. don't forget about:

how does one take on me? and why exactly did kemosabe jump on it?

Unknown said...

Funkytown is the only one I remember. Was too busy with kids and work to have paid much attention to the music of the 80's. My bad.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, I have thought, at least, half of those exact same thoughts before.
Some of John's favorite moments with me in the car include me singing, (my version) along with the songs on the local classic rock station.
Mine are much more entertaining.

So. Cal. Gal said...

This...was...AWESOME! It's been a stressful day but I laughed so hard I've got tears running down my face.

Thank you! : )

Slamdunk said...

You are on a roll JM.

I appreciate my ability to wander through life singing songs and not reflect on the what? what? I think I am just saying me being clueless has an advantage.

Kir said...

OMG, I was laughing so hard reading this this morning (at 5am) that Jacob came in and said "MOMMY ARE YOU OK?" LOL

loved it.

oh and that song about Chess...is from the Broadway Musical "Chess". soo....;)


chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com said...

And what is a Penny Lover?

This isn't an 80's song but what does My Dinga Ling mean?

K A B L O O E Y said...

Reminds me of Phoebe from friends singing "Hold me closer, Tony Danza." Don't mind me: I live in Funkytown and wear my sunglasses at night.

the walking man said...

GOOD GOD WOMAN!!! what did you do to yourself in the 80's? Have you ever heard of The Cure or Depeche Mode? Maybe a little Psychedelic furs? Seriously George Micheals and Wang what?

McKenzie said...

Love this post! Lots of laughs ☺

Pseudo said...

In the early 1980's, I was working as a cocktail waitress at a Bobby Mcgee's, putting myself through college. I know almost all of your references and they bring back great memories.

Working in a nightclub was the most fun ever. It's like getting paid to be sober, watch other people get drunk, and skip along with a cocktail tray to all the dance tunes.

Anonymous said...

Hey! I still want to get on the floor and do the new kid's dance. Hahaha!

I have Funky Cold Medina on my iPod. It's a classic even though I have no idea what he's talking about.