Maternal instinct

This is our little man's first photo shoot. That face! He was graced with a fairly even temperament and an intrinsically happy disposition. He was an obscenely easy newborn. And while he may be getting a bit more bossy now since he turned two, he at least maintains his manners. i.e: Let me do it myself! PLEASE!

The pregnancy was a bit of surprise. By "bit" I mean we had no clue. When birth control companies boast 99% effectiveness, the remainder is obviously based on actual people who use birth control and still get pregnant. Officially, we make up that 1% margin.

I knew I was pregnant about 12 hours after it happened. How I would know this innately, with no previous pregnancies, and zero knowledge about pregnancy in general, well, my acute knowledge suprised everyone. Everyone but me. Maternal instinct apparently starts tout de suite.

When I told JohnnyMac we were late. He simply said, ok. I reiterated we were late. Not late for dinner late, but late for nature late. Again, he simply said ok with calm eyes and voice. He asked me what we should do first. I opted for pregnancy test. I took multiple. All signs pointing to yes. Why I thought a 2nd or 3rd test would actually be the most accurate, I can not say. As if the urine on the first tests was somehow compromised. Or as if I had put the stick outside for a moment and directly in the path of a pregnant dog in the neighborhood. No. The first result was the same as the last result. Large blue plus sign.

I called my Ob-Gyn's office and spoke to her Nurse. The nurse asked me how late I was, and I replied "About 12 hours." The Nurse seriously guffawed (loudly) into the telephone. I don't think she stopped her laughter for several mintues. She cleared her throat and informed me most women don't become concerned until they are four weeks late or more. Four weeks late or more? I told her there would be no patiently waiting four weeks to confirm. She tried to placate me. She suggested home tests and since I had already accomplished this preemptive measure, I shared my results. She then shifted her attention and took me a bit more seriously before responding with a "Hmmmm. There are rarely false positives."

She then asked me how I knew I was late, what kind of tracking did I do. I told her. She asked me how long I kept track, was it for a few weeks, a month? I approximated fifteen years. She laughed. And told me in her two plus decades of being a nurse, she could not recall a patient ever knowing quite that quickly. She told me I would be the talk of the office that day.

Maternal instinct. When it comes, it apparently comes full force.

Mamma Mia

I have always celebrated Mother's Day because of my mom is great and deserves more than a day in honor of how much she has loved us. And I celebrate Mother's Day because of other truly incredible women in my family and friend circle. But this is only my second time of being celebrated on Mother's Day. And it is incredible.


So thank you JohnnyMac. You were the first man I met that made me want such permanency. And you brought an entirely new level of value and true depth to my life involving marriage and parenting. And thank you for taking me to NYC and sending us home with a permanent souvenir.


And my son. Without you I would not be celebrated today.


You are such a little man. You are proof that goodness, that is pure and true exists. And I want you, your life, and all that you will become to be not only a reflection on us, but a reflection of us. It is a lot to live up to, I know. But I hope the greatest characteristics of both Daddy and I are the only ones we instill upon you.


My son, every initial sense of leadership, strength and character you learn will come from inside this house. I take that to heart and while I may disappoint you (and certainly irritate you circa 10 years from now or so) if you respect me, I have gained immeasurable ground. We teach people how to treat us, and I want you to have everything you need to go in the world and lead.


And you have made me patient in ways I did not think achievable. For this, you should be anointed King. You have made me laugh as you are particularly delighted with things I may have thought I was far too busy to notice before. And the first time you got hurt (and in retrospect, it was just a tiny hurt but you were terrified), I knew how true responsibility felt because I amassed some abnormal level of strength and clarity to do whatever was necessary (short of performing surgery in our kitchen) to heal you.


The day in the car when you asked to hear Count on Me, and as you sang along with the words, you moved me in such a personal and loving way. Count on Me is our song. And the first song Daddy and I danced to at our wedding. To have you unknowingly instill that song in your memory bank and personal playlist made me catch my breath. And I have not told another person that until now. It was a beautiful day when you came along but these moments, these opportunities for things I like to inherently and magically become things you like, its amazing to witness.


It is a huge responsibility to be your mom. You are gifted and we greet that part of you with open arms. You have everything we have to offer at your fingertips and our job is to help you become a great boy, and a great man. And as we learn how to do that with you, I hope I am what you believe is the absolute best you could have as a Mom.


I hope I live up to the great expectation, but loving you along the way will be the easy part. Thank you for giving me an entirely new role and title. You were worth every second of waiting.


PS: Thank you for telling me you wanted a brother because "Daddy has one." Let's see how we all end up on the other side of toddler years and we can revisit that request.


PSS: Daddy had what looked like a tiny stroke when I told him what you said so no need to approach with with that specific request either.


I love you, Baby LAM.
Mommy