Breaking up is hard to doooooo....
Breaking up is hard to do, right? That's why the lead word is an action verb which can mean annul but can also mean to smash, split, or divide into parts violently; reduce to pieces or fragments. Yes, breaking up is tough. That's why its called breaking up and not called Tickle Party. And a tricky category of break ups of which I was unaware until I was an adult was the platonic break up. Remember when you were kids you simply liked/didn't like/loved/hated friends sometimes on a cyclical spin.
My best friends stayed fairly consistent but
don't think we were without our moments of:
I hate you
Well I hate YOU
I hate YOU MORE
NOT POSSIBLE. All hate in the WORLD flows from me to YOU.
Oh, tweens...how did our parents endure us? Because the next minute, day, or week all was glossed over. But as adults? It is a bit more difficult. Well let me rephrase. Breaking up with friends is difficult for women.
I think men break up with friends like this:
Hey Joe, don't be a d-bag.
F you.
They run into each other days or weeks later and have a beer because they would never remember something like that in the first place. If they do remember, its more like this:
Hey Joe, remember that night you were a d-bag?
F you.
Time for more beer consumption.
I had my first and only break up with a female friend about five or six years ago.
She was beautiful, brilliant, and successful. But unfortunately, also highly vain and terribly spoiled. Beneath her tough exterior though was the potential for a great person. But, like the Russians, how long are you going to hunt for Red October? I knew somewhere in the darkness was a gem, but it reached a point of futility. It was something I actually struggled with though. But in the end, it had to be done.
For example: A man hit on her one night we were out. She told him she wouldn't be "last in line" and he should just go back to the blond he had been working for an hour. He said, "That was actually my sister. And you need Anger Management."
Do you know people that need Anger Management? Here is how you find out, tell them they need Anger Management and watch what happens.
And then JohnnyMac and I had to break up with a couple. What started as easy reverie with this pair turned into playing hopscotch in a mine field. Every minute held explosive potential. My wish was can't you tell me you are like this one day one? Please don't bait and switch me. They were over for dinner one night for his birthday and she called him a dick as in "if my husband wasn't such a dick..."
In front of him. It was so uncomfortable. And then I realized when I would spend time with her, uh oh, this isn't all that atypical. There was something wrong with everyone. You all know someone bitter like this, no one deserves success, or accolades, or acknowledgement. It was a pissy fest when something good happened to any other person. Bitter people like this abound, don't they?
And listen, I know marriage is not always Giggle and Kisses Night but I don't think you call your husband a dick. Especially in front of him. And if you absolutely can not curb the rage and are so incensed that calling him a dick is the only toll you will accept, can you whisper? Better yet, wait until the next day. You don't call someone a dick on their birthday. Besides the obvious reasons, for the next thirty years it will be: oh yeah, I remember that birthday, the one when you called me a dick. Choose words and timing wisely.
And this is why some people believe a Marriage License should have a footer: Requires Alcohol.
And when it became too much, we began to dodge them. Every invite was graciously swept aside with excuses of family commitments, baby activities, or time to scrub the baseboards. Does it take Greg Behrendt to tell you we're just not that into you? And they have a baby now. I ran into her recently and asked how things were going. Her response started with "if my husband weren't so _______ clueless....". Uh huh. Breaking up was wise to do.
Breaking up is hard to do, right? That's why the lead word is an action verb which can mean annul but can also mean to smash, split, or divide into parts violently; reduce to pieces or fragments. Yes, breaking up is tough. That's why its called breaking up and not called Tickle Party. And a tricky category of break ups of which I was unaware until I was an adult was the platonic break up. Remember when you were kids you simply liked/didn't like/loved/hated friends sometimes on a cyclical spin.
My best friends stayed fairly consistent but
don't think we were without our moments of:I hate you
Well I hate YOU
I hate YOU MORE
NOT POSSIBLE. All hate in the WORLD flows from me to YOU.
Oh, tweens...how did our parents endure us? Because the next minute, day, or week all was glossed over. But as adults? It is a bit more difficult. Well let me rephrase. Breaking up with friends is difficult for women.
I think men break up with friends like this:
Hey Joe, don't be a d-bag.
F you.
They run into each other days or weeks later and have a beer because they would never remember something like that in the first place. If they do remember, its more like this:
Hey Joe, remember that night you were a d-bag?
F you.
Time for more beer consumption.
I had my first and only break up with a female friend about five or six years ago.
She was beautiful, brilliant, and successful. But unfortunately, also highly vain and terribly spoiled. Beneath her tough exterior though was the potential for a great person. But, like the Russians, how long are you going to hunt for Red October? I knew somewhere in the darkness was a gem, but it reached a point of futility. It was something I actually struggled with though. But in the end, it had to be done.
For example: A man hit on her one night we were out. She told him she wouldn't be "last in line" and he should just go back to the blond he had been working for an hour. He said, "That was actually my sister. And you need Anger Management."
Do you know people that need Anger Management? Here is how you find out, tell them they need Anger Management and watch what happens.
And then JohnnyMac and I had to break up with a couple. What started as easy reverie with this pair turned into playing hopscotch in a mine field. Every minute held explosive potential. My wish was can't you tell me you are like this one day one? Please don't bait and switch me. They were over for dinner one night for his birthday and she called him a dick as in "if my husband wasn't such a dick..."
In front of him. It was so uncomfortable. And then I realized when I would spend time with her, uh oh, this isn't all that atypical. There was something wrong with everyone. You all know someone bitter like this, no one deserves success, or accolades, or acknowledgement. It was a pissy fest when something good happened to any other person. Bitter people like this abound, don't they?
And listen, I know marriage is not always Giggle and Kisses Night but I don't think you call your husband a dick. Especially in front of him. And if you absolutely can not curb the rage and are so incensed that calling him a dick is the only toll you will accept, can you whisper? Better yet, wait until the next day. You don't call someone a dick on their birthday. Besides the obvious reasons, for the next thirty years it will be: oh yeah, I remember that birthday, the one when you called me a dick. Choose words and timing wisely.
And this is why some people believe a Marriage License should have a footer: Requires Alcohol.
And when it became too much, we began to dodge them. Every invite was graciously swept aside with excuses of family commitments, baby activities, or time to scrub the baseboards. Does it take Greg Behrendt to tell you we're just not that into you? And they have a baby now. I ran into her recently and asked how things were going. Her response started with "if my husband weren't so _______ clueless....". Uh huh. Breaking up was wise to do.
