Friday, September 7, 2012

Going to the chapel

JMac and I celebrated our wedding anniversary over waverunners, great wine and outdoor concerts last weekend.  We opted to take MiniMac because he is one of the greatest gifts we have ever received. And well, now we know a five year old contributes in a very different way to a celebration weekend than say, oh, a fabulous bottle of red wine. We had a great, great time together as a family. But as soon as we got home my husband planned a trip to Vegas for us. Apparently, we will have an adult-only weekend-long no-pants party after all. 

For this weekend, JMac once again had some other surprises up his sleeve. His sleeve is notorious for holding great surprises. I love his sleeve. This time, a free pass to the jeweler who custom designed my wedding rings. WOW. I am going to need time to prepare for that...

I think back on our wedding day. It is absolutely amazing to have so many people we love in one place at one time. We were so lucky. 

When planning the wedding, I initially had a guest list over 300 people. JMac stated, "This isn't a tailgate party." Of course it isn't silly, I could not imagine a wedding with canned beer and buffalo chicken dip! But I got his point. So we worked that list down for nine months until it was 100 guests. And that group of people are some of the most amazing people we know.


It is moving to know that for most of us, at the core of who we are, we do believe in love. We want to be seized up, fluttery. We want to be involved and evolved. We want to be part of something larger than the space we alone consume. 

We wrote our own vows. I promised that when I look at him, I will look to see him clearly. And that I will never assume I know everything about him. I also promised to spend my life participating in this relationship. And to treat his love and presence in my life as a gift.
 
But let's be candid. Marriage is hard. There are days we are completely in sync. There have been days one or both of us have wondered 'who IS this person'.
To be patient when you want to be impatient. To be silent when you feel insistent you are right, or your point is more valid. It is hard, and it is easy. It is raw at certain crossroads. At times, it is holding a mirror to yourself. And at other times, it is shows you what you are missing, and makes you a better person. It is honest. And sometimes it is overwhelming. And surely, I have done all of these things well and I have done all of them poorly. But it is by far the most complicated and rewarding relationship you ever have because it is the one you picked. 

Love is a gift. And I hope I am fully living my promises. Sam Keen said Love isn't about finding the perfect person. Its about seeing the imperfect person perfectly. 

And so, in the minutes I may not be living my promises, when I feel that distractions, or other priorities are valid excuses for making my marriage second tier, I want to keep in mind: that both of us, with our imperfections, are better as a team than we could ever be as individual. 

And now, as we are raising a son, a little man who is proof that goodness that is pure and true exists, what we strive for as his parents is that everything good about him is not only a reflection on us, but a reflection of us. And this is another really great goal to have.

Sometimes love misses it mark, but not the day we got married. It is late on Friday afternoon. I know I should be working and planning for my crazy travel week next week. Apparently, I would rather write about love. 

Happy Anniversary JMac. I am celebrating all we have done and all still in store for us.

10 comments:

webb said...

Happy anniversary to youboth. Marriage is difficult indeed, but it sounds like you all are working on the right things.

DeNae / SHP said...

I've missed you, my friend. What a fantastic tribute to your marriage and your family. My husband and I have been at this for 27 years, and he is still the very best person I've ever known. Happy Anniversary!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Happy anniversary!

Urban Earthworm said...

What a beautiful and true post. Happy anniversary! I'm glad you got two such wonderful celebrations. This is one of the best captures of the joy and struggles of marriage I've read in a while.

Eva Gallant said...

What a beautiful post! Happy anniversary!

Rita/Fighting off Frumpy said...

Fabulous post! I think my husband needs to have sleeves like JMac's. :) Happy anniversary, you two!

So. Cal. Gal said...

Happy anniversary, Jenny and JMac!

Lauren Welsh said...

I love this. I reminded me that I saved the post you wrote 2 years ago at anniversary time. Both are so good!

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

Happy Belated Anniversary! I'm envious of you both. It's so hard to find that one person that compliments your life and will work with you to make the married life between you the best it can be.

Liza said...

Lovely.