Friday, June 24, 2011

Chew with your mouth closed

Don't read while eating.

China is a country on the culinary edge. The restaurants and the markets spread out through the major cities host a very wide selection of items like fried whale or puffer fish.
While I applaud open mindedness, and anyone with more culinary daring than me, I will fully admit I would draw the line at the following. But first, put your fork down. I am serious. And I don't write the news, only my response to it.

In Beijing, a restaurant named Guo-li-Zhuang features a menu consisting almost entirely of dishes made from animal penis and testicles. Like to try some Yak balls? Look no further.

While there may be a sense of adventure in ordering up some snake penis ( I admit, I didn't know snakes even had a penis, poor things...they must look like a little letter T when the get excited) I think I will pass.  The common belief is that eating penis will raise libido. The more you eat, the higher your sex drive. Please don't teach this to American men.

While there may be some tradition in medical potency in eating the penis of a seal, duck, deer, and horse, women don't eat the testicles because they are believed to cause masculine features. Medical potency? I will stick with my Advil, vitamins, and Eucalyptus lotion.

However, penis is believed to be good for a woman's skin. Awww....of COURSE it is, gentlemen! And thank you for really just looking out for our personal well being and youthfulness. Why this secret isn't on the cover of Vogue, I don't know. Maybe because all along we girls thought good skin was one part genetics + one part H2O + one part Creme de la Mer.

The history of China has famine, disaster, and drought so I understand the idea of utilizing an entire animal to feed a family. But this particular restaurant is highly expensive and caters to an elite crowd.

An elite crowd of highly aroused penis eaters. I hope they chew with their mouths closed.
I read an article from a reporter who watched the Chef prepare Yak testicles for his table.
While reading this story, if I had a penis, it would have cringed and then burst into tears.

PS: Please don't be mad at me if you didn't put your fork down! I am just sharing information. 

19 comments:

B.o.B. said...

I'm all about trying new things, but I don't think penis a la carte would do it for me.

And, why is it that penis is good for a woman's skin, but not a man's?

Maria said...

Oh my. I don't think I could ever partake of such cuisine. How a man could ever sit and watch any living thing's penis sliced, diced and cooked is beyond me. Perhaps that is why they are men...YUCK!

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

And here I thought it was going to be a rant about proper dining etiquette - eating with your mouth open is one of my biggest peeves!

Yep, the Asian market is full of things that we find distasteful, and frankly a lot of it is utter hogwash. Many of their customs are nothing short of barbaric (ie: shark fin soup, where sharks by the thousands are caught, their fins cut off, and tossed back into the ocean to die a horrible death) and should be stopped.

Oh wait, this wasn't a soapbox, was it! Sorry JM.

Eva Gallant said...

My question is, do they swallow?

Pricilla said...

This is Montana. I live about two hours away from where they host the annual Testicle Festival. Not that I've had any urge to attend but Prairie Oysters are very popular in these parts.

And they don't need that many bulls I suppose.

Anonymous said...

LOL - yuck and more yuck.

Simply Suthern said...

Is it important which end goes in the mouth first. Might be important. Just sayin.

There is a whole population of men in the US and world eating them things and it did nothing to make them more masculine.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I prefer to eat clams.

Simply Suthern said...

Once you go Yak, You never go back.

This is a terrible post. I have spent waaaaaaaaay to much time thinking about it. LOL

So. Cal. Gal said...

I don't eat anything that can't be scrubbed thoroughly first. I'm assuming penis is one of those things.

webb said...

eeeeuuuwwww! Not that adventurous!

Ed said...

No thanks.

I'll stick to eating vaginas.

Blythe said...

Well!

It's things like this that make me happy I'm vegetarian. If I'm ever presented with the opportunity, I can just smile apologetically and explain that I never eat meat.

Shudder.

Intense Guy said...

Given the billions of Chinese - they need to get away from "raising" libedoes and viagra and start seriously thinking about population containment.

...as does the USA actually...

ipenka said...

Not sure if this was the right post for my first comment here but...

Interesting thing about the restaurant name. Looked up the characters and it literally means "Strength inside the Pot". How appropriate?

Rebecca Knight said...

Argh! I think there is a whole show on the travel channel dedicated to penis/ball eating around the world.

I believe it was supposed to feature more than that, but every commercial I see it's Penis O'Clock for the host.

Yum?

HalfAsstic.com said...

Isn't it amazing that one of the worlds most medically advanced cultures still clings to such bizarre wives tales? Or, really? I think there's just a market for anyone with too much money and not enough to do with it.

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

LMAO.....I am SOOO glad I wasn't eating lunch at my desk reading this.

Dalton said...

I know that restaurant, lived in Beijing for 9 years! In China, the medicinal properties of food seem to always be directly related to the part you are eating...not much imagination goes into it! Want beautiful skin? Eat pork skin. Want to improve your intestines? Eat pig intestines, and well, the testicle/penis restaurant is no different.

Obviously, I never went. But despite how you'd think men would literally, cringe at the thought - the place is an expensive (delicacy) touristy spot that caters primarily to men! Shocking.