Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Even dumbarses like to recycle...or they don't.

Subtitle: Recycling 101: Not everything goes in the can.

How hip and modern I thought our neighborhood to be. We have recycling containers set up in one location near the western entrance. Fully labeled and clearly marked, this recycling center makes it very easy for all of the home-owners in our neighborhood to recycle glass, plastic, paper, cans, metal, and cardboard boxes. It also saves every single one of us a trip to the nearest recycling center in the city. Twice a year, a benevolent home owner in the neighborhood has a giant dumpster delivered near that same entrance, which is meant to be a great place to put all the other crap that should not go in our garbage cans or the recycling bins.

But apparently, even people who can not read well need a place to live and several of them have moved into our neighborhood. How do I know? Oh, let me tell you. But before I do, let me assert apparently, some people don't know the definition of recycle. OR what I like to call: even dumbarses like to recycle...or they don't.

I am a big proponent of recycling. It is the LEAST we can do. Oh, we have had several interesting debates in our neighborhood because some people believe the recycling company merely comes and picks up all of the contents of the bins and takes them to the nearest dump. I disagree. So do many other neighbors so we all keep on recycling. When the recycle bins is marked like this: GLASS, PLASTIC, ALUMINUM ONLY or PAPER AND MAGAZINES ONLY then I find it astonishing something like an old ratty deflated soccer ball would find its way inside. A fluke? Perhaps. A young rascal playing a prank? Mmmm hmmmm. Maybe one soccer ball was a mistake but here is what else we have seen in the recycling bins in the past 12 months:

Fully assembled lamp
Dead plants (in planters)
Pair of mens running shoes
Vacuum
Broken office chair
Ugly painting
Ears of corn
Wire and linen baskets
Box of packing peanuts
Door (With a fist size hole in it. Watch your temper there, Rocky Balboa.)

Because people are clearly too embarrassed to stick those items in their trash cans to be mocked by the local sanitation workers. Oh, I know. You saw the word "reuse" and you thought SOMEONE would love to reuse your door with a hole or your junky broken office chair. Right. Who collects these things? Rumplestiltskin? A troll living in a hovel? Oh, I know, The Professor on Gilligan's Island so he can build a plane and fly the _____ away from there. None of those people live in my neighborhood. 

BUT, all of those inappropriate items aside, not a single one of those on the list above comes close in comparison to what a group of people discovered at a recycling center in Sweden. Not a broken office chair or an ugly painting. Oh no. They found the head of a dead goat. Who thinks “dead goat” ought to be carted off and deposited with "empty soda bottles" or "empty cardboard boxes from Ikea" is a mystery I will likely never solve. But I certainly hope that particular extra special candy-coated fool never relocates to my neighborhood. Soccer ball or broken office chair I can handle, goat head I can not.

*my second published article on Technorati! Titled Recycling 101: Not everything goes in the can.

40 comments:

the walking man said...

You have just made me well pleased I do not live in your neighborhood because my wife would be pulling half that crap out and saving it for parts if nothing else.

Even the Goats head...made a great album I hear.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

The carnival of idiocy never ceases to amaze me.

PS I have found a recliner, a plastic play kitchen, and various fast food leftovers in our recycling.

Cara Smith said...

I kinda wish we had something like that. We have little bins (think the size of a small office trash can) that gets picked up with the trash once a week.

My in laws neighborhood has the big industrial trash cans for recycle (provided by the city) that gets picked up every 2 weeks. The are to the point they recycle more than they throw away. I'm sure somethings that aren't exactly recyclable make there way in there, but not a goat's head.

ChopperPapa said...

Didn't you know? Satanic worshipers are so green now. They sacrifice animals, drink their blood, and save the environment.

SmartBear said...

Just when I was feeling jealous about your neighborhood recycling program....I can't imagine what my neighbors might put in there. I am sure there are some gently used guns the guy across the street needs to unload?
Best,
Tina

webb said...

We like recycling and also recycle more than we throw away. it does bother me a little teeny bit, tho, that after we sort everything and put it by category into our bin, the big burly recycle guy dumps it all into the same chamber on the truck!

That One Mom said...

Apparently I am a recycling dummy. No, I haven't ever put any of the before mentioned items into recycling, BUT I learned recently on a field trip with my daughter that any container that once had chemicals in it cannot go into the trash or into the recycling! What's a girl to do?!?!?

Slamdunk said...

Good rant.

We take our stuff to a local recycling center and I feel sorry for the folks that work there--they spend half of their time trying to identify what some goofballs drop in the boxes.

ellen abbott said...

People are stupid.

Caty said...

We just have one big recycling trash bin that gets picked up weekly by the city. we don't have to separate any recyclables...they say they do that. does make it a little simpler; and since I'm the only one throwing stuff in it (and my roomie), we don't usually find too many goat heads-thank goodness!

Kris said...

A goat head? JEEEZ!

Belle said...

Come to think of it, I could use a gently used goat's head...

Christopher said...

do you live near a bunch of homer simpsons? it's not that complicated...

Eva Gallant said...

Yeah, some people are just idiots.

KittyCat said...

Really? What is wrong with people. I think it is pure laziness.

MommaAmma said...

I think half those things can go in a compost pile if someone wants to start one of those. And maybe the goat head could go there too???

Kristina P. said...

These are actually my minions, who I have sent to help me destroy the earth.

Big Fat Gini said...

See, this is where living in the south comes in handy. You stick that broken crap and ugly paintings out with the garbage and someone will snatch it up. About four years ago, someone even thought we were selling Mr. BFG's old car. They left a note on it and everything, hoping we'd contact them and let them know.

The only thing we don't leave out are our cans. Because, damn it all if someone doesn't drive by and take those too.

Pricilla said...

This goat is appalled.
And quite upset. That goat deserved a decent burial.

On the publicist's side when she lived in NJ they had mandatory recycling. If you didn't put it out every week you got a note from the town reminding you and further reminding you of the fine for not recycling. It wasn't big brother watching but maybe big garbage

Kristin said...

It takes a special kind of person to think that they can recycle a door. Clearly they've never heard of the DUMP!

DaisyGal said...

I really can't stand people who can't take direction..I mean is plastic, paper etc that hard to understand and follow????

If I ever found a goat head anywhere I would scream and my whole neighborhood would hear me....ICK.

foxy said...

A goat's head? GROSS. I've seen a lot of wrong things in the recycle bin, but nothing as wrong as that.

Susan Erickson said...

In the Okanagan they now have a camera that scans your recycling and will catch you if you do that. You will be publicly humiliated and fined. I guess it is really necessary. People can be lazy and stunted and cheap .....

J.J. in L.A. said...

We used to recycle...til the city told us to stop. They said it would happen at a recycling plant and we didn't have to worry about it. Seems no one (except for maybe us) were doing it so the city decided to do it for us.

That's one place I wouldn't want to work. lol!

Kat said...

Ok, yesterday it was fish displayed on some nubile young thing's abdomen. Today, a goat's head. Are you doing research for a twisted mystery novel? Seriously, a goat's head in the recycling bin? What the hell did they think they would make out of it? Good grief... Kat

Marie Antionette said...

Dummies make the worls go round...LOL them and a few others.
Pop on over to my place.I am having a give away to celebrate my return to blogland and the holidays.
May God bless,
XXOO Marie Antionette

vanilla said...

At least the goat wasn't butchered on someone's front porch. So far as you know.

Grand Pooba said...

Ok I may be dumb when it comes to recycling but I'm pretty sure I would know that a goats head does not belong in the recycling bin!

Eric said...

There's a place down here in Dallas that could cook up a plate of cabrito if you had brought that goat in.

Inge' said...

Wish I had known about the goat's head sooner. We have a very small section of town fondly known as "Voodoo Village". Bet they could have used it.

injaynesworld said...

I shudder to think of what happened to the rest of the goat.

Maria said...

The question begs to be asked: can these people read and more importantly, do they comprehend what they read?

I guess the folks in Atlanta aren't too different from their neighbors in Florida! Stupid is as stupid does, I guess.

Baloney said...

That's exactly where I would stick a spare goat head I'm finished with.
Someone may want it.

The Lady's Lounge said...

Thank god somebody is thinking straight! Because when I'm looking for goat heads, the first place I go is the neighbour's recycling bin. It's clearly time to move to Sweden.

Intense Guy said...

I'm convinced most Americans can't read or follow instructions -

Of course being inundated with useless signs for this, that, and the other thing doesn't help... Signs like: open at other end, bridge freezes before the road, no trespassing (if its not your property don't you think you should stay out?) and on and on ad nauseum...

The Constant Complainer said...

I was laughing out loud by the time I got to ears of corn. Read the signs, people.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

I just went home to the "old country". Someone gave my mom an umbrella a while back and although she thought the umbrella was of poor quality, she did not say know 'cause that would have been rude. She's been keeping the umbrella at home but the tiny apartment does not allow hording (at least hording of ugly things). So what did she do? She made me bring the umbrella back to the US to donate to Good Will.

Babes Mami said...

A for effort? At least it wasn't a body!

People here (like my sister, friend and neighbor) laugh at my recycling because they say that it doesn't really get recycled. I assume it does therefore I continue doing it and until they can show me differently I will keep yelling at them when they throw a can in my trash.

HalfAsstic.com said...

BWAHAHA! We are fortunate to have a recycling truck that drives by every Friday and pours the contents of these plastic tote bins they have given us to use into a ginormous truck. It's kinda cool, all compartmentalized with the side of the truck bed all opened up and certain places for the different kinds of recyclables.
Also? Friday is "heavy trash pick up day" and the oddball stuff that doesn't fit in the trash cans goes curbside then. Most recently HalfAsstic House had a steel pole from a dilapidated basketball goal lying out there.
It's gone! POOF!
GOD! I LOVE AMERICA!

Anonymous said...

So funny. Adore the way you write. Idiots seem to be everywhere! Why can't people read?