Monday, October 25, 2010

Don't cut your hair with a chainsaw...

I believe life is full of common sense principles one need not be told in order to avoid. Maybe when you were a kid, you needed a gentle nudge once not to run with scissors or not to put your hand on the stove. But after the age of ten, I think the average person extrapolates such messages without needing them stated or written. Such messages as in don't cut your hair with a chainsaw. Or don't put urinal cake in your oven. Or don't  wear baby vultures as earrings.

But apparently not all messages are deemed as common sense. Thankfully multiple news sources like  The Hartford Courant are here to help.

Now, I am certain at this point even gnomes living in the caves of Ireland have heard about Lady Gaga's recent unsavory outfit. From PETA to Ellen DeGeneres, the public has weighed in on this outlandish pop diva  donning meaty attire for the VMA awards. Oh, some people consider that artistic? Really? ARTISTIC? Haven't seen the get up? Here you go:

Now, the Hartford Courant  posted an article strictly intending to warn its audience of the numerous dangers involved should they opt to wear a similar meat dress this Halloween. Dangers include various infections like  campylobacteriosis, which can bring about fever, muscle ache, dysentery  and/or toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection that can lead to brain damage or death among those with weak immune systems.

Now, I am not going to assert Gaga was crazy or fabulous to wear something SO outrageous. But I will say if you decided to wear a meat dress and meat shoes to your friend's annual Halloween bash your biggest concern will not be catching toxoplasmosis. Your biggest concern will be being told Do NOT EVEN THINK of sitting on my furniture! while people contemplate what the ________ is she doing!?!?!?!?! before being escorted to go stand on the back deck with all the smokers while the men think I wonder if I could just rip a piece of that off and slap it on the grill. 

If you want to prance about in a beef laden suit of armor to escort your children trick or treating, your biggest concerns will not be catching campylobacteriosis. It will be foreverafter labeled THE MOST disgusting person in the neighborhood. Ever. And have fun being humped by a pack of feral dogs who will surely hear your meat siren blaring.

Thank you Hartford Courant for this excellent reminder. I will look for your article next week advising me don't cut your hair with a chainsaw.

37 comments:

Kat said...

I must be living under a rock. How on earth did I miss this little tidbit of disgustingness (is that a word? If not, it should be) Ick! Did she not understand the beef council's tag line? Beef, it's what's for dinner. NOT Beef, it's what to wear for dinner. Kat

The Savage said...

So, would you say it was a fashion faux pas or a fashion foie gras?

Yes that steak makes your butt look fat... well... more marbleized really...

I could go on... Nah... I'll stop there....

the walking man said...

Do those warning apply to pork and chicken too? I think I could find a small enough piece of bacon to wear for Halloween.

TKW said...

How about some strategically placed sausage to add a bit of whimsy to that ensemble?

Ed said...

I did not find it surprising that someone so familiar with meat, would look good wearing it.

Just surprised that she was actually WEARING her meat for once instead of hiding it.

ellen abbott said...

hey, we're all wearing meat suits. that's what my friend calls her body, a meat suit.

Susan Erickson said...

I'll bite....I don't really know much about her ....and now I will not find out anything either....bad meat!

Slamdunk said...

I think Sam the Butcher needs to know what to expect when he is out promoting his business on Halloween.

I am thinking the flies may become unbearable as well.

Kristina P. said...

Well, I was Lady Gaga last year, wearing a replica of the Kermit coat she wore. I just cut Kermit out of paper. I wonder if bacon would cause these things?

Eva Gallant said...

Lady Gaga had to be a couple sandwiches short of a picnic on that occasion! Whoops! She WAS the sandwich...she just wore the filling on the outside! lol

Eva Gallant said...

Lady Gaga had to be a couple sandwiches short of a picnic on that occasion! Whoops! She WAS the sandwich...she just wore the filling on the outside! lol

Dumblond said...

Ugh...I do NOT understand that woman. I have never wandered through the meat section of my local market and thought, "that would be fantastic as a skirt...steak".
Though if someone wanted to dress in a meat dress, I could see doing faux meat...like felt or other fabric made to look like T-bones. Real meat?! So unsanitary...

Pricilla said...

Living on a goat farm is messing with my au courant.

I missed this story completely. Off to google.

and erm, DISGUSTING.

Yankee Girl said...

That is gross and it must make her smell so bad!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

LOL I can just imagine Lady Gaga running from a pack of dogs, losing pieces as she goes down the street.

She's some sort of special isn't she?

SmartBear said...

I can't even imagine how she smelled at the end of the evening...not to mention what it took to get her into that thing and keep it from falling apart.
There's cutting edge and then there's falling of the edge and into crazyland....
Best,
Tina

M-Cat said...

I still can't get over the spectacle she makes of herself.
She needs a good friend in her life to tell her to STOP MAKING A FOOL OF HERSELF!

Allyson & Jere said...

Yeah, I somehow missed this piece of gross. Thank goodness. I may well have BARFED had I seen, or smelled for that matter, a dress made of meat. That woman is a freakshow.

And you're right....someone wanting to copy Lady Gaga on this WOULD be looked at as the neighborhood freakshow.

J.J. in L.A. said...

"a parasitic infection that can lead to brain damage"

You mean she's not already brain damaged??? ; )

kittycat said...

Considering she is supposed to be a vegan, why didnt she just wear some damn veggies instead?
I dont know about it being artistic, but stupid might be more spot on!

Intense Guy said...

I'm left commentless... Lady Gaga does that to me... I hope she has tenderloins... :)

So does a nicely cooked pork chop (with apple sauce).

Babes Mami said...

I don't think it was artistic as much as gross. I later learned it was a faux meat dress but still kind of gross. We love her music round here though, makes Babes booty bounce!

Caty said...

that is not at all attractive. it looks like she just ripped her skin off and is walking around with her muscles and tendons hanging out. ...And can you imagine the smell after a few hours?? She is one unique (and slightly deranged-in my opinion) lady.

lisleman said...

good advice on the hair.
Lady Gaga got what she wanted from that dress and it wasn't dinner, just some PR.
In a world of balloon boys, meat dresses, and gators on planes I guess I happy not to know any of them.

Maria said...

Wrong. On so many levels. Is she young enough to chaulk it up to youthful silliness?

K A B L O O E Y said...

I thought it was kinda funny.

Herding Cats said...

I hadn't even thought about people trying to copy the meat dress...but, I bet it happens - a LOT. And wow, sucks to be anyone around them!

Christopher said...

is it bad that i want a burger right now?

My name is PJ. said...

If you wrote nothing more than "...don't cut your hair with a chainsaw. Or don't put urinal cake in your oven. Or don't wear baby vultures as earrings," you'd still be one of the funniest bloggers in the blogosphere. Gosh, you crack me up!!

The Random Blogette said...

This is hilarious. I am sure that Lady G's people did research and found a safe way to do the meat dress, but if someone would actually want to emulate this then they are insane. Nothing says you are not allowed in my house like a crazy person showing up in a meat dress!

AmyLK said...

who would want to copy this? ewe! Imagine the flies by the end of the night.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

this makes me want to become a vegetarian!
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Joann Mannix said...

And not to mention, how pricey that little outfit could potentially be.

Utter grossness. And yet, I'm sure they'll be out there, the wackadoos in their meat dresses.

I had some great instructions the other day. I was blowing up a kiddie pool for our ducks. (Don't ask.) I happened to glance at the instructions. It said, "Warning: Do not ingest this pool." We have to be told not to eat an inflatable swimming pool? Since when?

secret agent woman said...

Tome for her to change her name to Lady Gag-a.

Luna said...

i recently talked about this with my best friend. i dont know what lady gaga is thinking. who knows what is next with her. she keeps trying to top herself. this was just disgusting. i thought she was a freak before and now she is a disgusting freak.

hotpants™ said...

I would be worried a pit bull would maul me. Plus, you know it has to STINK!

undomestic chica said...

You're hilarious. The whole time she was wearing it I kept thinking, "Was it frozen and now thawing out? Was it refrigerated and cold? Does she stink?" What in the world made her think that was a good idea?! I'd like to know.