I believe life is full of common sense principles one need not be told in order to avoid. Maybe when you were a kid, you needed a gentle nudge once not to run with scissors or not to put your hand on the stove. But after the age of ten, I think the average person extrapolates such messages without needing them stated or written. Such messages as in don't cut your hair with a chainsaw. Or don't put urinal cake in your oven. Or don't wear baby vultures as earrings.
But apparently not all messages are deemed as common sense. Thankfully multiple news sources like The Hartford Courant are here to help.
Now, I am certain at this point even gnomes living in the caves of Ireland have heard about Lady Gaga's recent unsavory outfit. From PETA to Ellen DeGeneres, the public has weighed in on this outlandish pop diva donning meaty attire for the VMA awards. Oh, some people consider that artistic? Really? ARTISTIC? Haven't seen the get up? Here you go:
Now, the Hartford Courant posted an article strictly intending to warn its audience of the numerous dangers involved should they opt to wear a similar meat dress this Halloween. Dangers include various infections like campylobacteriosis, which can bring about fever, muscle ache, dysentery and/or toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection that can lead to brain damage or death among those with weak immune systems.
Now, I am not going to assert Gaga was crazy or fabulous to wear something SO outrageous. But I will say if you decided to wear a meat dress and meat shoes to your friend's annual Halloween bash your biggest concern will not be catching toxoplasmosis. Your biggest concern will be being told Do NOT EVEN THINK of sitting on my furniture! while people contemplate what the ________ is she doing!?!?!?!?! before being escorted to go stand on the back deck with all the smokers while the men think I wonder if I could just rip a piece of that off and slap it on the grill.
If you want to prance about in a beef laden suit of armor to escort your children trick or treating, your biggest concerns will not be catching campylobacteriosis. It will be foreverafter labeled THE MOST disgusting person in the neighborhood. Ever. And have fun being humped by a pack of feral dogs who will surely hear your meat siren blaring.
Thank you Hartford Courant for this excellent reminder. I will look for your article next week advising me don't cut your hair with a chainsaw.