Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Apparently, your vajayjay needs a gym membership.


Flying home late last night, I was delighted my son opted to nap so I could peruse my stockpile of magazines. And while doing so, I came across an article about exercise routines. Not Jillian Michael’s style exercise, or even Richard Simmons.  More like Jenna Jamison. But no, not Cardio Pole Dancing either.

Now, there are a litany of women suffering from negative zhu zhu down in their genitals: incontinence, painful cycles, or worse: painful interference while making the sweet, sweet love. Urogynecologists specialize in diagnosing and curing these ailments for the thousands of women impacted. And in the process, have also developed a new focus on pelvic fitness which is being practiced by numbers of women NOT impacted by any of the above. Wait, pelvic fitness? No one ever told me I might have a lazy hoo ha.   

And I thought it was the one part of your body that basically just needed to show up. But no, pelvic fitness is here. Might my bits and pieces needs their own elliptical?  A gym membership? How does pelvic fitness work? Well, the number one exercise recommended from gynos to women’s magazines are Kegels. But according to research, 30% of women are doing them wrong. (There will be no demos here. Google it if you need to check your technique.)

BUT, I did not realize special weights exist. Just for your flower garden. They are called StepFree. In multiple sizes, these weights can be inserted and held in place while you do other activities. I am no urogynecologist but I am pretty sure that I have heard of something women can insert and it is not called vaginal weights. If your vagina does need a work out, better vaginal weights I suppose than the 30 Day Shred. 

However, while I am not quite ready to get all Hanz and Franz with my ladybits, I applaud fitness of all kinds. Plus, stronger pelvic muscles lead to much better satisfaction and NO ONE would mock that concept.

And even better news: Even if you have the most lackadaisical cha cha in the world, somewhere, it still has a fan club. 

_____
And for the big finish: Guess who has a fabulous getaway ahead? DaisyGal. A gorgeous weekend stay in any of the Larkspur Hotels locations...a weekend just for you! Email me and congratulations!!!!

58 comments:

blueviolet said...

What are you supposed to do if your vag muscles give way and you drop the weights on the floor? How do you 'splain that?

Leah said...

I actually had to research similar things for a booklet I wrote for young survivors of breast cancer. Apparently, chemo and radiation can lead to an awful condition called Atrophic Vaginitis, aka vaginal atrophy. The harsh cancer treatments often send women into early menopause, and the lack of estrogen resulting from this causes the tissue walls of the vagina to thin to the point where there is no longer any elasticity, and sometimes the walls even collapse. The best ways to remedy this - slowly - are through a combination of Kegel exercises and insertion of various sized dilators, starting super small and gradually increasing. Estrogen therapy is also an option, but for women with estrogen-receptor positive breast cancer, it's too risky to go the estrogen route, so the Kegels, lube, and dilators are the way to go.

Just wanted to share this, since many women are dealing with these issues and might be embarrassed to talk about it! A vast majority of breast cancer survivors are struggling with this, so if you're one of them, you are not alone - and you aren't doomed to a life of painful intercourse, either!

quietly_making_noise said...

Only you could come up with 8 terms for Vajayjay in one short blog post. ;) Nicely done.

Welcome home. Hope you had a great trip.

Brian Miller said...

things i never really realised i need to know...lol.

Mom in High Heels said...

There was something on the news about this the other day and it stopped James Bond in his tracks. He looked at me and asked if my ladybits were in good shape. I told him I thought he'd probably be a better judge of that then me and he cracked up laughing. He said he wondered how well it would go over if a husband told his wife her ladybits needed to be toned and tightened. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. :)

Will Burke said...

I can't call myself a connoisseur, but methinks some moderate grooming will do the trick.

webb said...

Dr. Oz recently gifted a lady with a set of StepFree weights. You should have seen the look on her face when the specialist explained how to "train" with them! Fun post!

My name is PJ. said...

This is great news for a lot of women.

I find doing a few kegels every time I see a commercial for any product used to combat incontinence is a good thing too.

Badass Geek said...

I guess it's obvious that men don't have to worry about that. I mean, we can exercise that particular muscle easily enough.

Simply Suthern said...

Oh my, Please tell me the weekend morning TV is not going to be taken up with Infomercials selling these things.

I can see the catch phrase.

" So strong you can open a bottle."

Poor Billy Mays Missed out on this one.

DaisyGal said...

OMG are you kidding me???? I never win anything....NO WAY!!!

now onto the subject at heart, I have been known to Keigel (did i spell that right) while drying my hair or putting on my makeup...I just think that it helps my ass...but if it's helping me with the sweet sweet love...then so be it. ;)

Lindsey said...

Haha... too funny! I guess everyone's does has a fan club!

Dina said...

too funny, my mom had one of those big pink things (sort of like a smaller thigh buster) back in the 70's and that is exactly what it was for. But if you really wanna strengthen get some Ben-Wa balls. You know you have a strong va-jay-jay when you can hold them up while your doing you shopping at walmart. If you really wanna freak people out drop one while you're on line.

jules said...

Ok, I must admit, after being forced very much against my will to attend one of "those parties" I did leave with said "weights." I kept them for several months before trying them out. They were called pearls and came in a shell container. I inserted them. It was weird. Now, while I nearly died laughing at the comment from Blue Violet up above, I can assure, they will not fall out. The only "splaining" I was fearful of was going to be trying to explain to the ER what I had put up there. I did eventually get them out, but it was NOT one of my finest moments. I think we should just stick to kegels!

TKW said...

You can f*&% up a kegel? Get outta here?!!

My pikachu prefers to sit on the couch with a bag of Cheetos, thank you very much.

Ed said...

I exercise my bits regularly.
:-)
It's paying off. I lifted a small car the other day with no hands.

Ok, so it was a hot wheel. Sue me.

Hahahahaha...sue me...LMAO...because you're a law-..ah forget it.

Seriously though, did you mean to put so many unintentional enuendos in this?
"I came across an article.."
"...thousands of women impacted"
"And for the big finish"

Mrs. Lopez said...

That is hillarious!!!!!!!! I haven't heard that!!!!!

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

Wow... tell me you don’t call it all of those things on a regular basis ;) Too funny!

Childbirth when you’re old (I was 37 for the SURPRISE! Er... I mean... no, she really was a surprise) can do a number on your body... head to toe as it happens. I had problems holding my water for a good year after Wee One made the scene, and Kegels are the way to go. That they also help improve the rest of it... BONUS!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I'm off to google StepFree to see if they have an online shoppe.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Weights for your vajayjay? I'm sticking kegels.

SmartBear said...

One of the reasons I was glad to have a c-section was not having to worry about my husband feeling like he was throwing a hot dog down a hallway...if you know what I mean.
Best,
Tina

singedwingangel said...

Ok so me telling you my kegels are done religiously cause I like having that muscle control down there.. I can't use Benwa balls cause I hate them...but I cn bounce myself with those muscles AND I can control one muscles group at a time .. umm yeah mine is TRAINED

The Boob Nazi said...

I'm doing them wrong?!?

Eva Gallant said...

That has to have been one of your funniest posts! I'm so sorry I had not heard of this first. There's no way I could post about this topic now......I couldn't come close to anything as good as this was! Bravo!

Michael Rivers said...

I wonder what us guys are supposed to do? So many different things to do at the gym now.

Pollyanna said...

As long as the weights come with a bullet, I'm in.

Kristina P. said...

Where can I sign up? Seriously, I have the laziest vagina ever. It's really something I am ashamed of.

AmyLK said...

What a funny post! And I think BlueViolet has the comment of the day! LOL

*uncorked said...

Well crap, now I'm wondering if I've been doing them wrong all these years. Not convinced I need weights down there (up there?!) though.

Herding Cats said...

You know, I have a difficult time motivating myself to get to the gym, and now you are saying my bits and parts need to work out too? Oy.

Pricilla said...

There are a lot of things that getting old does that truly, truly suck

Intense Guy said...

Durn it!! I wanna see ya demonstrate them there Kegels things.

I typed in "vayjayjay weights" and Google kindly asked me, "Did you mean to search for: vajayjay weights?"

Well .. geee.. Imagine my surprise when I gound Guiness the book of records folks actually have a category...

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-guiness-book-of-world-records-crowns-the-strongest-vagina-again/

31 pounds....

If a umm.. a guy could lift that using a bit of rope to tie the weight to end of his "thing*", I'm sure that would be really awesome too...

* Is there a vajayjay word for penis?

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Yes, no one needs a lazy cha cha. Get that thing to work! Let it do the household chores for a change. Send it out for groceries and your morning run!

Imagine if you over exercise your love cave? It might end up like the vaginal equivalent of Madonna's sinewy witch arms and repel penises. They'd ricochet off the entrance like a dodgeball.

There's an image...

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Take it from this 60 year old...do those Kegals ladies!! Your Vajayjay also holds up your bladder and in later years this can become quite the topic of conversation! I am doing my Kegals and yes I have a fan club for my hoo haw!!

Aging Mommy said...

So what happens when you laugh?!? I guess using those weights would preclude any of us from reading your posts mid-session then :-)

Eric said...

I wonder if this might ever be an olympic sport for the women. You know, like the guys teams that do the 'snatch lift'? The other one that is a medal event for the guys is called a 'clean and jerk'. Who makes up these exercise names?

Simone said...

Seriously....weights for your flower garden?! LOVING that expression JennyMac!!!

Great post :)

Aunt Juicebox said...

What? Isn't there just some magical vajayjay firming pill I can take instead?

Jules said...

And YOU get embarrassed by my Babeland reviews..... *shaking head*

I'm Jamie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I love this... though am not a fan of the exercises.
I dreaded doing them when I was pregnant and I dread doing them now... why must women do all the work?! ;)

Mighty M said...

I know some ladies who own some of those special "balls". And I believe they have never attempted to use them either. Just like many gym memberships out there.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Now I'm worried. In fact, I think I'm going to hire a personal girlyparts trainer. (Oh, wait. Those guys go by a different job title, don't they?)

Ellen@FirednFabulous said...

How educational...I had NO idea about vaginal weights. I don't have any probs down south, but yeah, couldn't hurt to give that region a little workout and see if it impacts my sex life at all!

MommaKiss said...

Thank GOD this was not a 'product review' post.
Whew!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

And ... one more thing to keep me up at night worrying about (ha!)

Writing Without Periods! said...

I'm sure this would go over well in my active retirement community...there's a lot hanging here.
Mary

gayle said...

So funny! I hate working out and I hate doing "these" too!

Vivienne said...

I think Glamour magazine just did an article on it last month. I should do more Kegels just so I can worry less about peeing if I sneeze....

ah. childbirth.

Myya said...

WHAT??? SERIOUSLY??? Ohhhh the things that "studies" come up with.

Shanna said...

I had not heard of this..and of course you tell it in a hilarious way!

shortmama said...

My arms have enough trouble lifting weights...Im not sure my hoo ha can take it

Sarahviz said...

Dying laughing right now.

Dumblond said...

As if the post wasn't funny enough, some of these comments are making me pee my pants a little...I guess I need to hop on that Kegel train...
What happens if you get a Charlie Horse down there?! Do you need a spotter when using these weights? I don't think I'll run that one by my husband. Pretty sure he would mess his pants and pass out...

J.J. said...

"somewhere, it still has a fan club"

Even if 'the fan club' doesn't know it personally. lol!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Hmmm...weights. Who knew???
LOL!

Way to go DaisyGal!
<><

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Hmmm...weights. Who knew???
LOL!

Way to go DaisyGal!
<><

Life with Kaishon said...

Get.out.of.the.city.

Vodka Logic said...

holy cow... now we have bedazzled vags now we have to exercise too... had a laugh at all the words you found for the ladybits.