MiniMac's school hosted a cook out last week for Dad's in celebration of Father's Day. We try to attend almost every school event but last week was even busier than norm for us and JohnnyMac couldn't swing it. JMac waffled over it again when with giant eyes, MiniMac asked me, "Is my Daddy going to be there?" Which I quickly assuaged with "Daddy has an important meeting" and then added " I think it is about our upcoming trip to the beach!" Yes, not exactly true but I use tactics when I can. JMac later asked me if I thought he would be the only Dad not attending. I saw his countenance fluctuate as he contemplated whether he would be remiss or hurt our son's feelings by not being there. I assured him he would not be the only one and that I had already sidetracked our son with beach chit chat.
This is relevant in the context that we do spend time readjusting ourselves when necessary so that we are raising our child right. There will be detours ahead, we know but hopefully only Proceed with Caution and not Watch the ____ out, BOULDERS FALLING kind of detours.
I think most parents question their methods at times. Are we doing it right? Well? Consistently? But then the past week happened and I feel redeemed from the one time I had a long talk with MiniMac about not telling me the truth regarding eating cupcakes I sent to school only to discover later he WAS telling the truth and his teachers ate every single one of the cupcakes and did NOT give them to the kids. So for that situation, and the one time you punished your child when you should not have, or snapped at them when they didn't deserve it, go easy on yourself. I am here to prove that you will never need to question your parenting credentials again. Why?
First: At Neiman Marcus the other day, I watched a very impatient woman at the cosmetics counter. She was trying to return something and the Service Associate, all said with a smile, was explaining the product did not come from Neiman's. The customer demanded the manager, of course. As the Service Associate left the counter, the customer's daughter who looked about five asked, "Can that lady not help us, Mommy?" To which the mother replies, "Actually, she is too much of a b*tch to help us, so Mommy needs to speak to someone else."
WOW. And then some WOW on top of that. I have had bad customer service galore but it had not occurred to me to teach my toddler to call women bitches when you don't get your way. I thought that only worked for Eminem.
Second: As many of you read in the news, Dina Hot Mess Lohan had a terrible run in that prompted her to call the police. What was the scuttlebutt? She tried to use her daughter's Lifetime of Free Carvel Ice Cream card and the store denied her because A.) Despite all your best surgical effort, you won't be mistaken for your daughter. B.) Your daughter has to be present to use the card and she is either in lock up, in Cannes, or in lock up IN Cannes. So Dina called the Police and reported the store. Are you ______ kidding me? First, stop being a dumbass Dina Lohan. Oh wait, what was that? Oh, I am telling you this approximately 36 years too late? Because you are 48 and no one can be a dumbass when they are a baby or toddler so we should have chatted around your 12th birthday? Rats, I was only 3 then. PS: For (*&^(@ sake, the ice cream cake you wanted for your 14 year old son's birthday, the cake you tried to mooch, was about $20 bones. Just PAY FOR IT. What? You don't have money? It's all in your botox and tata enhancements? Fine, I will loan you $20.00. Or, your 14 year old son will likely loan it to you if he is able to extract an explicit promise from you that you will stop embarrassing him by being such a _______.
Third: While reading the Huffington Post this weekend, I saw a video entitled "Most Inappropriate Mom Ever." I thought it was a joke. Not remotely. And I can't dirty up the blog by even posting the video here. You can go to YouTube and type in those words or find it on Huffington Post. Let me summarize with this: It is a mother doing some dirty stripper dancing while her two small children throw dollar bills, attempt to tuck them in the front and back of her pants, spray canned whip cream on her while she smacks her booty and then pours water down her chest. OR you can save yourself the retina burn I am suffering because that summary encapsulates all of the worst elements of the video.
Parenting: You don't need a license but sometimes it seems like a VERY, very good idea.
And let's not end on all that is douchy and disgusting, here are two awesome examples of the polar opposite of the three parents above.
First: While running in San Fran one a.m., I crossed paths with the course and runners for the AT&T Giants Race. While momentarily held at a corner waiting to cross, a little boy stood with his Dad, watching the mass of runners and waiting to hold up his huge sign.
Little boy to Dad: That's pretty cool that Mom is running this big race.
Dad: Yeah, your Mom is pretty phenomenal. Not only beautiful, but she is a great athlete.
It was not merely what the Dad said, it was the way he said it. Loving his wife and being such a great example to his son about the power and beauty of women. Loved it.
Second: I recently saw the video of Derek Redmond from the Barcelona Olympics again. If you have not seen it, please do.
Cheers to all of you who are great parents. And thanks Dina Lohan because you make most of us feel eligible to be on the cover of Parents Magazine. Even without giving our children a free ice cream cake.