Add another thing to my list of experiences in life and make a footnote under the subcategory: Things I never thought I would do. Let me share the situation.
1. I have no problem with naked.
2. I am not a big public nudity person. Oh, low cut shirt or some short shorts here and there are no problem. And I frolicked on a few topless beaches while in Europe but really, everyone from Baby Lulu to Grandma Nardelli were too.
3. HOWEVER: I don't dig naked paraders. You know, the girl on her cell phone in the locker room at the gym? Ms. Freedoms Just Another Word for Nothin' Left to Lose? Like all the most important calls in.the.world need to take place in that venue while all your Candy Land is on display. Oh, no thank you. And to the one woman who did this last Friday, it's cool that you might be a bit bohemian but goodness, Misses. Your South Park looks a little bit like a cross between Horshack and the Harlem Globetrotters. How do I know? Because you are a naked parader and even Ray Charles would be unable to miss that situation.
So let's say I am completely comfortable with the skin I am in but, I won't be first in the pool gate at Mandalay Bay during topless sun splashing. I like a little modesty but apparently, that has its boundaries too. How do I know? Proof in point last week.
I went to a sample sale. Oh Lawwwwwwwwwd. Do you know this dreamy sensation? I thought really great sample sales were limited really to NYC and LA but no, I got a little whisper of one and opted to make a visit. Upon arriving, there are scads of clothes on temporary racks which I, along with a litany of other women, began to pour through. Escada, Laundry, Nicole Miller, oh my. After bustling up my arms with some fab finds, I asked a woman who appeared to be working there if there was an opportunity to try anything on. She directed me to two double doors. On the other side of those doors was a giant mirror lined room that was soon packed with dozens of other women. Even though every other person present could care less, I didn't really feel like shedding down to my skivs standing in a space similar to an airplane hangar so I turned around as I thought, I will just buy them all and hope for the best. The only other sample sale I went to included this theory and let me assure you it is NOT a good theory.
As I am almost at the exit, a woman came in and said, "I just heard that everything with a green tag is an additional 75% off." I looked at the tag of the beautiful black Prada halter top nearest my fingers in my bulging pile of goods and the emerald green tag read "$100.00" with a line through it and "$50.00" written underneath. Doing quick math, the result prompted me to exclaim internally ARE YOU F__ KIDDING ME? I will pay $12.50 for this!?!?!? Listen, that might not mean a thing to some, but my heart filled up with butterfly kisses at the mere opportunity to buy a brand new Prada halter top for $12.50. So I sauntered right back to my previous spot because apparently, I will get naked for Prada. And if not entirely naked, than stripped down to one tiny bare essential.
As I scan my pile, I saw several other green tickets and try to contain my enthusiasm. Apparently, I will get naked for Laundry and Versace too. I will still leave the Dirty Vegas Poolside Topless Tango for others, but if I come upon some Dolce and Gabbana in a sample sale, my clothes will come flying off faster than the hookers on Jersey Shore. Fashion made a convert out of me.