Thursday, May 13, 2010

Maybe there is a market for CandyPorn?

Oh, you think I meant CandyCorn? No.

Earlier this week, a young lady living just outside of London popped in to a store and bought a bag of candy. As she was nomming away on the sweet treats, she spied this:


 Picture from www.thesun.co.uk 

The piece of candy about 2 inches long is a chewy replica of a naked candy man with quite a handle on his jelly roll.

GOOOOOOOOD-ness. Someone either let Austin Powers in the candy room or there was a series of spontaneous firings in the Monday morning staff meeting. Something tells me the candy CEO didn't approve of little jelly-baters going down the line. 

I will not take one of those to go.  But Brits have all the fun; we have boring gummy bears. 

The finder of this candy jewel called the company, Candy King, who initially didn't believe her. The company later stated, "Clearly this is not part of Candy King's assortment. We will take it up with our suppliers." 

Whew...and here I thought it was just proof that men, even men made of high fructose corn syrup, can't keep their hands off their candy bits and pieces.

83 comments:

Jules said...

Damn. ANOTHER great idea I should have come up with and DIDN'T. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????

Will Burke said...

"Jelly-baters"? Awsome!

CambridgeLady said...

That is brilliant :)

Vodka Logic said...

And people say the Brits are prim and proper... I think not. :)

My name is PJ. said...

MWAHAHAHA!

Elizabeth said...

AAAHHHH! It's the mannequin pis from Brussels, Belgium. More commonly known as the Peeing Baby. It's a statue maybe two feet high that has become the heart ans soul of the city (appropriate since the whole city seems to smell like piss)
You should see the stores IN Brussels. Candy babies, chocolate babies, corkscrews (yes the screw is where you're think it would be)...it's hilarious!

Brian Miller said...

ahem...so is there a juicy center?

Joann Mannix said...

I was at a bachelorette party once where there was a pinata, a GIANT phallic pinata, and when it was finally bashed open after many drunken swings, there were all these little chocolate penises and, yes, they were filled with cream, orange cream to be exact.

This gummy would have fit right in with that crowd.

Eric said...

Well that's hilarious, and a bit scary. I hope it doesn't signify any extra ingredients which went into that batch!!! Yikes.

Since it's the UK, I'd like to think the food safety was still at a high standard.

The Boob Nazi said...

hahaha ewwwwww

Okay, I've totally eaten penis lollipops before, so I can't really say "ew."

Jen said...

Wow, that is all I can say just wow.

leigh said...

That is so funny. I can only imagine the shock of finding that in your candy. I would have laughed so hard.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

That is one candy bound to start an uncomfortable conversation with your child.

Writing Without Periods! said...

The Brits are quite sassy when it comes to these things. I mean look at Charles and Camilia!
Mary

McVal said...

Wow! I just bought a bag of gummy bears for the kids... I should check them out first huh?

TKW said...

Dangit! Why do those Anglophiles get to have all the fun? I want masturbatory candy!

Christina Lee said...

ha your last line made me LOL!! Brits do have more fun!

ellen abbott said...

I wonder what percentage of the population would be offended by that (finding it unexpectedly in their bag of candy) and how many people would think it was funny. Put me in the funny category.

MindyMom said...

Forget jolly ranchers, now we have jolly wankers! ;)

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

YEEEUUUCCKK!!!

Nothankyouverymuch... too funny though!

JenJen said...

All I have to say is....those darn Brits are a randy bunch aren't they?
:)

Georgina said...

I hope they broke the mold when they made that little feller. Ew. Ew. and Ew. - G

obladi oblada said...

Thats awesome! Reminds me of the time (pre kids) that my friend and I made pornographic sugar cookies. It was definitely a lsugh!

Slamdunk said...

I am thinking those would not be real popular with moms and dads if dispersed on Halloween.

Dumblond said...

I'm sure the little candy man just had an itch...

Jessica said...

Thats even better than the candy penis necklace I wore to my last bachelorette party!

Caty said...

love the "jelly-bater" description! Priceless :)

MommaAmma said...

You are awesome! You leave me speachless often-I can't provide anything witty or spry here that isn't NC-17. Thanks for the giggles!

Mommy Lisa said...

SWEET

Herding Cats said...

Jelly-baters!!!! Ah, I love it. I would have died if I found one mixed in to regulars. It's hilarious.

Cara Smith said...

Hmmm...looks like the secret novelty department got their stock mixed up with the kiddie candy for the corner candy store.

Salt said...

Lovely! And have you seen the chocolate pops that look like a vajayjay on a stick? What will they think of next!?

Pricilla said...

My heavens...you haven't trolled etsy have you?

Aunt Juicebox said...

Ok. I'm going to admit I have a tin of penis candy. I got it last summer when my sister was with me and we thought we'd gone into the entrance for the liquor store, and um, we were mistaken. I felt bad because the girl working there was really nice and it was about the cheapest thing I could find to buy. They taste pretty good though. ;)

shortmama said...

I just want to know if anything comes out when you bite into it....nevermind I dont want to know, its probably marshmallow or something

vanilla said...

Bwaaa-ha-ha-ha!
You find the hottest stuff.

carma said...

You said it - Austin Powers would be all over that baby. Wait a minute, Aunt Juicebox has penis candy????

Eva Gallant said...

That was absolutely hilarious!
Jolly wanker! lol

Foxy said...

Mmm...delicious. I want one.

Er..I mean...

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Am I the only one who read that and thought, "Damn, wouldn't be awesome if men WERE made of high fructose corn syrup?"?

Moving on...

Aura. said...

The worst part of that candy is the devilish creepy little face!

The Constant Complainer said...

Likes Jules said, when I see stuff like this, I get mad. Mad because I didn't come up with the idea first!!! LOL.

Gillian said...

A jellybaby Wanker!

Aging Mommy said...

So I wonder who their supplier IS making those candies for?!?!?

Johana Hill said...

As a matter of fact, they should have gum bears for adults! LOL No? It'd be awesome! Hahahaha

Summer said...

How funny!! I eat candy so fast, I would have never even noticed. lol.

hotpants™ said...

That's hilarious. And that candy man sure has a "scowl" on his face. Ha!

Just Breathe said...

That is so funny! Can you imagine if some kid got that! I am pretty sure that there is a big market for that kind of candy.

J.J. said...

Haha! I need to look at my candy before I put it in my mouth. I don't want to give my man any ideas. ; )

mbkatc230 said...

Oh my stars, I wish I had a batch of these to sprinkle among the candy at the next meeting of holier than thou, prune faced, big hatted ladies that I can find. Insert maniacal laughter here :) Kathy

M-Cat said...

So funny!

Ms. Salti said...

I think I would die laughing if I found something like that in my bag of treats!

Emily said...

hahahaha! Totally reminds me of all the penis shaped pipes Alex and I saw in Cancun!

Little Ms J said...

When they locate the correct supplier please let me know. I'd like a bag post haste.

Jaime said...

that is just too damn funny!

Ashley Stone said...

oh my goodness that is so funny! That one slipped through inspection!

hellotaylor said...

Yummmmmmm ;)

Beez said...

This is hilarious! I'd probably frame it if I had one.

carissajaded said...

BAHAHAHAHA TASSSSTTTYYYYY. Or... I'm not sure... Either way, what a great find!!

Tiffany said...

That's classic.

The Random Blogette said...

That is hilarious. My grandma like to make chocolate bunny suckers with gigantic boobs for the guys on Easter. It's their favorite time of year!

AmyLK said...

Hilarious! Even is candy form, they have to check the goods. lol

Intense Guy said...

..and to think it's shaped in such a way a "Lady" could umm... well, "use it"...

How much you want to bet there is an FDA standard in amongst the "rat droppings permitted" for "other substances"?

Linda said...

Really funny. Thanks for sharing. The comments are great too!

Missy said...

Hysterical. And creepy. Love the line about men not being able to resist their bits and pieces. Both of my boys have nearly drowned in the bathtub, choosing to hold on instead of put their hands down to stop themselves from tipping over.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I can totally see that at a Bachelorette Party!

When you mentionned Gummy Bears, i thought of Teddy Bear Grahams and every time I eat a teddy bear graham I make a little sound as if biting off his head is hurting him. It makes my girls laugh every time.

secret agent woman said...

One of my sons had his hand on his bits and pieces on the ultrasound while still in utero.

Ashley said...

hahahahah!! I can't stop laughing at that one - what a find!!! Stopping in from FF - hooray! Have a great weekend!

Ashlie said...

Your blogs are always such a source of amusement for me. Maybe candy porn woould sell well for stag/stagette parties? :)

Siesta en Espana said...

This is hilarious. AND grody. And HILARIOUS.

love the newsworthy blogs you post. Very SNL (which I love!)

ModernMom said...

Bwhahaha I'm sorry, but it's funny!

Kristin said...

Ah ha ha. It's like when Dunder Mifflin put out the paper with animals doinking.

joeandbridge said...

Hi there! Happy FF!
Have a Great Weekend!

Bridgette Groschen
Groschen Goblins

VQ girl in Vietnam said...

haha. I love your stories!! Thanks for commenting on my blog. Happy belated FF!

Will sure to stop often by as I love your stories.

Allyson & Jere said...

That is HYSTERICAL!! Thank you for the laugh.

Around here, gummy bear is a codename for a certain woman part. Well, what? One of our lesbian friends told us that. Disturbing and yet funny. No?

Theta Mom said...

Too funny!!!

Badass Geek said...

Adult candy... what will people come up with next?

HalfAsstic.com said...

I think there's a huge potential for selling the mold to that little gem... though, (Dare I say it?), a bit of extra candy could be provided for certain areas. I mean, extra candy is always a good thing, right?

Candice said...

Mmmmmmm...delicious!!

Mighty M said...

Haha, someone on the production line having a little fun perhaps? :)

Simply Mel said...

Oh, I've missed it around here! nothing like jumpstarting my 'jenny fix' with a true dose of sugar 'cock'tails!

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

That's pretty awesome. My girls got me ring pops for my bachelorette party except it wasn't a ring...who thinks of this stuff?

Anonymous said...

this is the way a blog should be! thanks!