Thursday, April 22, 2010

This little piggy wants none

I am a fan of the gym and manage my schedule so work outs are part of my daily docket. My gym is great and relatively free of d-bags and silly people wearing sunglasses indoors and talking on their cell phones while they attempt to do bench presses. Yes, I have a few good stories from the gym, after all, it isn’t the library, but just a few. Most of the time, the gym is a break from my blackberry and a location where for at least one hour or so, I am guaranteed peace.

Except this day:

I luckily get the last open elliptical machine. Nice. And then I can not find a song I like to inspire me. My iPod was stuck on a slow song shuffle and as much as I love the soulful strains of Ray Lamontagne, I do NOT like them when I am trying to get motivated and raise the heartbeats per minute. Also, who in the hell put Carry On My Wayward Son on my iPod? Make note to inquire with JohnnyMac and erase immediately.

After finally locking into a Prince remix, the elliptical machine stops. As in, oh, I am just exhausted. I couldn’t get it to resume even unplugging it and no offense, but the front desk people at the gym are not going to figure it out. How do I know? Because I asked one and she said, “Yeah, I don’t know.” It needed elliptical paramedics.

I make haste over to the stationary bikes and as I get to pedaling, I see a man I used to work with sauntering down my row. He is a bit of a clown, and not the balloon twisting kind,  so I pretend I am highly focused on the TV above. He stops to say hello and make small talk, which is friendly and nice. Whooops, I have my earbuds in which is a universal sign serving to deflect small talk, is it not? I say hello and he pats the bike and says, “Taking the easy way out today, eh?” 

Umm, is riding the bike taking the easy way out? It is not exactly kick-boxing, agreed, but is it really remedial cardio?  If so, I will be sure to alert Lance Armstrong immediately. 

And thanks for the pep talk, fool. You are as motivational as Richard Simmons and wearing a rather similar outfit.

I only answered, “Yes” and put my earbuds back in. What a jackass comedian!  I should have asked him in all his wisdom to fix the broken elliptical. 

And then in the midst of my circular stride, my iPod freezes up. Freezes up and will NOT reset. Thanks $&#^%# Apple. Time for the touchscreen.

You know what does not play Carry on My Wayward Son? My Wii Fit. You know what doesn't freeze up on me mid-stride? My Wii Fit.  You know what doesn't give me lip about this little pig does the cheaty McLazy workout? You know it! My Wii Fit.

So this was one day, I should have just packed my gear, left the gym and cried Wii Wii Wii all the way home. 

I have an event tonight so I am off tomorrow. But, I am working the best Sea Salt Caramel Brownie recipe to hopefully share this or next Saturday. In the meantime, have a great weekend.

91 comments:

Merri Ann said...

Last time I was in a gym I was wearing a leotard, tights, leg warmers and I was running barefoot ... Yes ... I'm that old. I was also hit on a lot ... it took me awhile to understand that it was really a bar in disguise.

Meeting co-workers at the gym must be a fun experience :)) Bet he went back to the office to tell all his sweaty friends about you ... as I type this they are probably all getting memberships LOL Sorry ... I just couldn't resist ....

AmyLK said...

Such a frustrating day at the gym. But enjoy your weekend!

Brian Miller said...

i have a deathly allergie of the gym...even the mention and i need a caramel brownie...smiles.

singedwingangel said...

Wow I just recently signed up for a gym with my family. Luckily I have not met any of the people you have seen. But it's a small town lol. I hate our bikes!!! No matter how you sit on them you slide out of the seat HATE them..

Tropical Mum said...

"You know what doesn't give me lip about this little pig does the cheaty McLazy workout? You know it! My Wii Fit."

I read a post from somebody where her Wii Fit Plus would make snide remarks if she didn't use it often enough or if she set her levels too easy.

I think that little box would be accidentally dropped on its sarcastic little head if it were me. What?! What's wrong with the machine? Twasn't me. Must be a manufacturers defect.

Thanks for dropping by to comment on my recent post--much appreciated.

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

This is why I work out at home. I hate when people talk to me when I'm working out. What a douche.

jules said...

Oh I would have been so annoyed. I've had a time or two at the gym like that too, and eventually you just realize, the gym is not in the cards for you that day and head home!

the walking man said...

gym,bench presses,blackberry, elliptical machine,iPod,stationary bikes,kick-boxing, remedial cardio,touchscreen,Wii Fit.

I haven't the faintest clue what language you were using today JennyM...all of the above ar3e foreign to my native language, English. So I got a little lost today.

though I do know what Sea Salt Caramel Brownie are. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm brownies.

Ed said...

You have obviously never read my WiiFit posts, little Missy.

I would go back to the GYM in a heartbeat, if the wife wasn't such a cheapass.

Simply Suthern said...

Last time I was in the gym the only machine that would plug in was the radio. Yes, I AM that old. LOL I went with a friend and his trainer thought I was in shape enuff to follow my buds workout. The next morn my arms would not straighten. My Motto is No Pain, No Pain. I do love the Wii Fit tho.
Have a wonderful weekend.

mbkatc230 said...

And this is why I don't do gyms. Not really, but it's as good an excuse as any. And really, someone put Kansas on your I-pod? Not sure I can think of an appropriate punishment for that infraction. But I'm sure you'll come up with something :) Kathy

Amy said...

You might already know this, but... if you press the top button on the dial of your IPod and the middle button and hold them down it will reset the whole thing!
Thanks for your comment.
Your blog is great. I can't wait to read more.

*uncorked said...

"I have my headphones in which is a universal sign serving to deflect small talk is it not?" IT SHOULD BE. This is the most annoying thing ever. And Wii Fit is the devil...from the comment above it looks like I'm not the only one to post about it. I did just by the Gold's Gym Cardio Wii game, haven't tried it yet but I hear it's mostly boxing. Which I love. Hopefully I don't punch the dogs.

Theta Mom said...

Ugh, how annoying! But that recipe sounds AMAZING. Have a great weekend!

Eric said...

I like the gym, maybe the guy meant the bike was easier than running uphill backwards on the treadmill?

Whoa, like Merri Ann said, women used to wear leotards and tights to workout? I'll be distracted all day now because I'm just that shallow about some things.

The Boob Nazi said...

People are so obnoxious. And oblivious.

Matthew said...

I only use the bike for warm-up but even for five minutes, it's not exactly taking the easy way out...!

Jennifer said...

Well now thanks for reminding me that I haven't worked out in... oh, I don't know how long. I hear that's what happens when you have more than one kid. When I DID go to the gym, I definitely didn't want to talk to anyone there. Definitely wouldn't have been able to work out sans music. No, no, no. I hated having to wait for the machine I wanted to use, that part sucked. I have the Wii Fit too, but also have no time for that. I was using it for a while though, got bored though, not enough stuff on there. I will have to look into this Gold's Gym game. Hope you have a good weekend!!

MommaKiss said...

The 'ear buds' in is THE sign to STFU. Seriously. Move along, buffoon.

ellen abbott said...

I'm sort of off the gym right now. I figured cleaning up the yard and getting the garden in was work-out enough this spring. Will have to drag my sorry ass back soon though.

Herding Cats said...

I am anti-socializing at the gym. For whatever reason, I cannot handle anyone talking to me. I think because it truly is one of the only times during the day where it is "me" time and zoning out is allowed.

Sorry about your ipod. When my first one died, I truly mourned.

Eva Gallant said...

Tuesday at the gym (attending the Silver Sneakers class for the agility impaired), I was doing a chair-based exercise and fell off the chair. Graceful much?

SmartBear said...

I go at 5:30 in the morning before work. Nobody is in the mood for chit chat at that time of the day...plus I go to classes. No bothersome talkies there.
Best song to play while working out? "I got it from my Mama" by will.i.am. Yeah, I know it's cheezy, but everytime I listen to it, I am determined to be hot at 40
P.S. What's your problem with Kansas dude? LOL!

The Urban Cowboy said...

I hate those type of days at the gym, where NOTHING seems to go right. Your right, those are the days to just pack it in. And hey...what's wrong with Cary on My Wayward Son?

foxy said...

First: Dude, I LOVE playing Carry On My Wayward Son on RockBand. It totally rocks... i don't care what anybody says. ;)

Second: I can't stand d-bags that try to talk to you at the gym. One of the hub's friends used to go there for social hour and I'm all "girls think those guys are d-bags, TRUST ME" so I'm pretty sure he changed his ways. Gotta help a brother out from time to time, right??

Cheers and have a great weekend, girl!

Intense Guy said...

Have a good weekend. Sounds like you need a change of scenery from the gym, perhaps a climb up Stone Mountain or even Kennesaw Mountain would help?

Slamdunk said...

I think my old boss worked out at the gym the way I aspire to. He was so intense and scary while using the machines 5 days a week an hour a day that everyone stayed clear of him.

Yea for the Mr. and that classic group Kansas, by the way.

Have a good weekend.

Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF said...

This is hilarious. That guy is a jackass. Gym judgment is unacceptable.... I thought that was an understood rule. At least you're there. I would have definitely shot him the death stare.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Ahhh the gym. I've had a membership for about a decade now.... haven't been in a couple years though! I should definitely go back and start working out again. Yep, I really should. Yep.

So... brownies, eh? Can't wait for the recipe! ;)

"Wii wii wii all the way home"

LOVE IT!

Dumblond said...

I tried the gym...I really did. But it's hard to go it alone. And for some reason, if you are overweight and trying to work out, you get weird looks and comments that aren't low enough for you to avoid hearing...
I just got to take it to the streets...with my dog. In the rain.

IASoupMama said...

Poor girl -- clearly your gyn excursion was cursed from the outset...

I love my Wii fit, except that my kids always want to use it when I get out. And then I don't exercise, I moderate fights over who is going to hit the most panda bears during the soccer game.

Kristina P. said...

This is an excellent public service message why you shouldn't exercise.

No One Reads The Copy said...

I hate flirting through snotty joking. Funny joking is fine. Snotty joking, no bueno.

And what is up with technology freezing up on you?! Mercury must be in retrograde...

foolish heart said...

Wow...he sounds like one of those folks that I always roll my eyes at and say, "can't fix stupid". But those caramel brownies made my mouth water a little...yum!

Writing Without Periods! said...

I go to the gym every day...but it's in a senior community. I usually keep my eyes closed. :-)
Mary

Myya said...

Wii Wii Wii all the way home... how cute is that! : )

T!nK said...

i love how its a post about the gym, but then you finish it off saying you are going to post another delectable recipe!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Oh thank you. Thank you SO much. Now I have that freaking Kanasas song in my head all day. And I don't want it. I don't even like it. And from there it's only short leap of logic to my brain connecting Kansas to other places and before you know it I'm hearing Boston and Asia and Ala-freaking-bama. Then I will be cross.

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Allyson & Jere said...

I love the gym, I really do, in spite of wierdos and annoyances. (in fact I'm seriously considering starting a blog devoted entirely to my obsrvations there, 'cause there is comic gold I tell you)BUT, the I-pod freezing, NOT ok. There is nothing worse than having your music gone. When that happens, I just have to pack it up and go home.
I LOVED how you tied in the wii and the wii wii wii all the way home. Clever!

Hope the brownie making goes well, I'll be interested to read the recipe.

Mighty M said...

Wii, Wii, Wii! Too funny. But the Wii DOES occasionally talk back to you. In fact, it's been months since I've weighed in on the Wii so I know I'm going to hear about it from some avatar when I finally do haul that board out from under it's place of rest.

LOVE Ray! But yes, not exactly cardio tunes.... :)

M-Cat said...

Not a fan of Carry on my Wayward son? Only one of the best Kansas tunes evah.

Might be a deal breaker for us :)

GypsyNurse said...

I think I need to Wii Fit NOW!!!

Luna said...

i dont like gyms either. its always something. i prefer having a wii also or hell my own exercise equipment of some kind in my place. you feel so much better and can still get your workout without all the issues of being in a gym.

Elle said...

It really irks me when people don't seem to understand the universal "no small talk" signal of the earbuds remaining in your ears!! it doubly irks me when people try to be funny, but end up being rude instead.

I can't wait to see the brownie recipe!

Jessica said...

I would love to see a richard simmons look alike at any gym! Hilarious! You shouldve asked him if he was taking the easy way out by not buying any new clothes since 1983?

Erin said...

wii wii wii all the way home. LOVE that. so sorry it was a bummer of a gym day!

My name is PJ. said...

Yup, I was impressed with " cying Wii Wii Wii all the way home" myself!

You made this easy:

"Lay your weary head to rest....
don't you cry no more..."

blueviolet said...

Somedays it's best to stay home. Especially when the alternative is the gym!

Mommy Lisa said...

Ohhh. Get My Fitness Coach for Wii...besides sounding a bit like the British Madonna-accent she kicks your a&&.

:)

Baloney said...

Funny thing - I consider anyone who takes trips to the gym to be a success. The easy way?! Really?
I had to break free of the Doc's iPod choices. The last straw was when he put the whole Milli Vanilli album on there.
Yuck.

Laoch of Chicago said...

The truth is that your body adapts fair rapidly to whatever exercises you choose and things that start out more demanding quickly become less demanding with your bodies' adaption. Thus cycling your activities is a better idea than doing the same thing each time. Thus occasionally biking or rowing or treadmilling is a good idea rather than mindlessly using the elliptical machine over and over again.

I think I liked Kansas back during the dark days of the 1970s.

ajm said...

Thank goodness for the life-saving ear buds, huh? They are my strategy every time. :) But a day like that at the gym is the day I just give up and give myself credit for trying. The world was against you here -- shoulda just had a delicious brownie yourself. ;)

Joann Mannix said...

I cannot WAIT for sea salt caramel. Sweet and salty, my favorite combo.

I hate days like that at the gym.

Once, I was pulling a huge no-no. I had draped a towel over the elliptical next to me, for my girlfriend who had phoned me to say she would be there in 2 minutes. This dude came up and asked me if anyone was using it. I said yes, that my friend went to the bathroom. He got a little testy and said he'd noticed no one had been on it for a while. I got testy back and told him, that she would be right back! He sulked off, but not before giving me the stinkeye.

The next week I was at a cocktail party and my husband brought me over to meet a new business associate of his. It was the same dude! We had a good laugh over it, especially when I confessed my sin.

TKW said...

Went to the gym today and it was Old-Timers-With-Bad-Hygiene-Day. Stinky, grunting old people? Eww!

Putting a Wii Fit on my wish list.

shortmama said...

This is why Im not sad that I live in a small town with no gym for many miles. Wii Fit is where its at!! Have a great weekend!

Jewels For Hope said...

wow, what a jerk. I love the stationary bikes ha ha

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Very little is as frustrating your iPod pooping out mid-exercise!

I probably would've taken all the obstacles and turned them into a divine excuse to skip the rest of the gym and head home for the couch. :)

Leah Rubin said...

Total bummer! And the a**-clown who made the remark about taking the easy way out clearly needed a smack upside the head... You showed great restraint!

I hate it when my iPod fails at the gym-- I don't want to watch Oprah (usually) or some cruddy talk show...

I like the Wii idea... We've been thinking about getting one...

Sarah said...

I just wrote a blog post about a woman who fell while doing a Wii workout and ended up with the condition of spontaneous orgasms. So approach your Wii with care....

Fantastic blog. Consider yourself bookmarked.

J.J. said...

I bought a Wii from Amazon in late
September. Of course, by the time it arrived you know where I was (hospital) and what I've been doing ever since. Now that I'm almost done (with bed) I'm hoping to start using it (Sports game) for exercise.

Alyssa said...

When it rains it pours...I feel your pain. I hope the rest of the day turned around for you and was better. Hope you also found a few minutes of peace and quite.

Have a great weekend

Grand Pooba said...

I see how you are, mentioning brownies after a work out story!

Wiiiiiiiiiiii!

The Empress said...

I'm impressed at how good it sounds you are with your Ipod. I get stuck listening to what my son has on there, b/c I don't know how to change a thing!

Alicia said...

oh lady, i hate having those days at the gym! my little one has decided that she no longer wants to go to the gym daycare so now i get to hang out with jillian and the shred at home. boo.

Blackberry Jam Cafe said...

I'm going with Wii, Wii, Wii - much less stress!

Stopping by from Friday Follow - and so glad I found you! Now following so I don't miss all the fun!
Susan

♥GossipMama♥ said...

Following from FF, and followed you blog as well.

The Naked Writer said...

This was a very funny read, indeed! Thanks for sharing this adventure! I stopped going to the gym cause of these kinds of antics, they give me GYM RAGE which is only good for inspiring me to work extra hard to burn off the adrenaline. So, now I don't work out as regular as I used to. It's like if I don't go to the gym, it's a free pass to be lazy. I am tempted to invest in the wii workout does it just collect dust or do you use it often?
The Naked Writer

Tiffany said...

Sometimes the gym is more of a pain than just lacing up your shoes and working out...or Wii fit!

Susie said...

I love my Wii Fit. The most annoying thing that happens with that is your trainer gets replaced for a day for no reason. Other than that, it is good to go:-)

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

It was a long way to the bottom of this column, but I just had to say I'm sending you a little linky love today at the swing. Mwah!

Heather Taylor said...

Maybe this is why I rarely go to the gym...
Carry On My Wayward Son is only good for the first couple minutes, then it drags on and on. Definitely not gym material!

Small Burst said...

LOL. Laughing at the Richards Simmons dude. It just wasn't your day at the gym. Sorry. Meanwhile, bring on the brownie recipe!!

The Random Blogette said...

I am so thankful that I haven't had any crazy run-ins at the gym yet. The most that I have had to worry about was the nasty sweat pouring guys that always seem to be on the equipment that I want to use. I mean, how can one person sweat so much!?

However, I was a douche one day when I accidentally wore my sunglasses on my head when I was working out. And everyone totally gave me a look like I was a douche!

I hope that your next trip to the gym is better!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

It's been years since I was in a gym. I'm a walker. Enjoy your weekend!
<><

Allyson & Jere said...

Dear Miss JennyMac,

I would totally love to link my e-mail to my blogger. IF i had any idea what that meant, or how to do it (I freely admit to being tech stupid). So please, feel free to e-mail me (along with your reply to a comment you once wanted to write, I'm just sayin) at allykatz@aol.com, and tutorialize me on such procedures.

Yours ever so truly,

Allyson

Shop Girl* said...

I am completely anti-social at the gym. I do the gym thing to get sweaty, not to look pretty and make nice. haha

Kristin said...

Are you kidding me? I can't even last 10 min. on the bike. WAY harder for me than the elliptical!

Badass Geek said...

You should have taken the "easy way out" of that conversation with the guy and kicked him in the nuts.

tattytiara said...

That's why I like hiking. If someone tries to talk to you all you have to do is go faster and they fade into the distance.

AnnQ said...

People like that make me want to smack them with my iPod. Hard.

Brittany said...

This part had me laughing out loud - "left the gym and cried Wii Wii Wii all the way home." I laugh easily :-) lol. I always keep my earphones in hoping people don't talk to me so I can get in and out of there. Its not a social center for me! Hope you have a better workout next time :-)

Tgoette said...

Wow, what a rotten luck day at the gym! And what a pompous ass that dude was! I haven't run into that situ at my gym yet but I have a water bottle handy just in case! LOL!

Laura said...

No shame in the bike. It is my friend at the gym. the ellyptical hurts my arthritic knees.

Of course I am out of shape..but working on it. May look into a wii fit too, for the days I don't go.

fancygrlnancy said...

following back from follow Friday! Thanks for the follow.
Hope your weekend went better.

Bossy Betty said...

Bad man at gym. Let's hope there are no Mi jerks on your Wii Fit.

When Pigs Fly said...

You should have told that guy where he could shove it. Ugh! Just getting to the gym is hard enough you don't need some moron telling you that you aren't working hard enough. And, yes, cycling is tougher than the elliptical.
Looking forward to your brownie recipe. Love the sea salt idea.

When Pigs Fly said...

You should have told that guy where he could shove it. Ugh! Just getting to the gym is hard enough you don't need some moron telling you that you aren't working hard enough. And, yes, cycling is tougher than the elliptical.
Looking forward to your brownie recipe. Love the sea salt idea.

secret agent woman said...

Now why would anyone think it was okay to make fun of your workout? And what was he doing? Standing around yakking, that's what.

Denise said...

Stopping by from Friday Follow to say Hi! I am now a follower!

Stop by and enter my giveaway for Rachael Ray Bakeware:
http://extremepersonalmeasures.blogspot.com/2010/04/do-you-know-about-family-of-csn-stores.html

HalfAsstic.com said...

Wouldn't it be nice if when you see clowns like that coming you could just sprout wheels on that bike and ride off? Fast?

Emily said...

Sounds like that guy needed to get his lazy a55 on a machine and stop bugging the people actually working out!