I like kisses, tickles, and sunshine most of the time. But every so often, a little news bit comes across my screen that must be archived in a special place. Welcome to this volume of JA of the Day. I was torn on which candidate to choose.
Never, ever do this. A 19 year old inmate at Merced County Jail was complaining of pain. Corrections officers discovered this inmate had hidden something. Not a paper clip. And no, not a book from the inmate library. He hid a 5 inch long shank. Where did he hide it? Not in his sleeve. He had to have it surgically removed from his biscuit. And I am not meaning the buttermilk kind.
This inmate said he had no idea what it was when he found it. Guess what Inmate McFool, I didn’t know what a crossbow was at one point either but I promise you, if I found one, the last storage spot that would come to mind would be my badonkey donk. PS: Get a pair of pants with a POCKET. And for the love of Jailhouse Rock, please smarten up or you are going to have a long term relationship with Merced County Main Jail.
Dear City Administrator handling the budget for Merced: Did you already create a slush fund for stupid people? I know its not your fault, but maybe a nice apology to taxpayers who paid for this surgery. Should he win? I don’t know. This awesome act of idiocy might not top this jackassery:
Jason Z. approached the drive-thru window of a Detroit Wendy’s on foot. With a blue bandana around his face, he pointed a rifle through the window and scared a female employee. She ran away and he attempted to use a code to open the cash register. The Manager intervenes and they wrestle over the cash drawer. Jason Z. gets away WITH the cash and hops into his getaway car sitting in plain sight. The getaway car is driven by a girl who previously worked at the Wendy’s and was recognized by several employees. The police are called and when they arrive the Manager identifies the robber who is also dating the former employee. How is she so sure? Jason Z. is her son and when he was attempting to steal the drawer, she shouted in his face, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?
Jason Z. and your pitiful getaway car driver, get comfy in jail because you are clearly staying there. Anyone who robs a fast food joint in which they worked is a jackass. Anyone who robs a fast food joint in which their Mother is the manager is a pitiful jackass. Fred Flinstone, using BamBam as a weapon and driving a car with rock wheels, using only his feet as accelerators would do a better job than you two clowns. And congratulations, you are the JA of the Day.
PS: You know who is not a JA? Your Mom who tried to kick your ass and then told the police it was you. Your Mom is a badass.
PPS: Blogger is acting up on me today and I am having issues publishing comments.
PPPS: Apparently, Blogger wants to be nominated for volume vi..because not only am I having comments not post, I am also having issues all day posting comments on other blogs. Just kidding Blogger, I would NEVER call you a JA but straighten up now please. Good boy.