Wednesday, April 7, 2010

JA of the Day: volume v

I like kisses, tickles, and sunshine most of the time. But every so often, a little news bit comes across my screen that must be archived in a special place. Welcome to this volume of JA of the Day. I was torn on which candidate to choose.

Never, ever do this. A 19 year old inmate at Merced County Jail was complaining of pain. Corrections officers discovered this inmate had hidden something. Not a paper clip. And no, not a book from the inmate library. He hid a 5 inch long shank. Where did he hide it? Not in his sleeve. He had to have it surgically removed from his biscuit. And I am not meaning the buttermilk kind.

This inmate said he had no idea what it was when he found it. Guess what Inmate McFool, I didn’t know what a crossbow was at one point either but I promise you, if I found one, the last storage spot that would come to mind would be my badonkey donk. PS: Get a pair of pants with a POCKET. And for the love of Jailhouse Rock, please smarten up or you are going to have a long term relationship with Merced County Main Jail.

Dear City Administrator handling the budget for Merced: Did you already create a slush fund for stupid people? I know its not your fault, but maybe a nice apology to taxpayers who paid for this surgery.  Should he win? I don’t know. This awesome act of idiocy might not top this jackassery:

Jason Z. approached the drive-thru window of a Detroit Wendy’s on foot. With a blue bandana around his face, he pointed a rifle through the window and scared a female employee. She ran away and he attempted to use a code to open the cash register. The Manager intervenes and they wrestle over the cash drawer. Jason Z. gets away WITH the cash and hops into his getaway car sitting in plain sight. The getaway car is driven by a girl who previously worked at the Wendy’s and was recognized by several employees. The police are called and when they arrive the Manager identifies the robber who is also dating the former employee. How is she so sure? Jason Z. is her son and when he was attempting to steal the drawer, she shouted in his face, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?

Jason Z. and your pitiful getaway car driver, get comfy in jail because you are clearly staying there. Anyone who robs a fast food joint in which they worked is a jackass. Anyone who robs a fast food joint in which their Mother is the manager is a pitiful jackass. Fred Flinstone, using BamBam as a weapon and driving a car with rock wheels, using only his feet as accelerators would do a better job than you two clowns. And congratulations, you are the JA of the Day.

PS: You know who is not a JA? Your Mom who tried to kick your ass and then told the police it was you. Your Mom is a badass. 

PPS: Blogger is acting up on me today and I am having issues publishing comments. 

PPPS: Apparently, Blogger wants to be nominated for volume vi..because not only am I having comments not post, I am also having issues all day posting comments on other blogs. Just kidding Blogger, I would NEVER call you a JA but straighten up now please. Good boy.

76 comments:

Jules said...

Wow. Tough call on who is the bigger JA.....

Robbing the Wendy's WHERE your mom works OR sticking a shank UP your ass.......???

It's a draw.

the walking man said...

The link to Jason Z is dead because the News archived the story here is another one...DumbAss His 22 year old girl friend already had 3 kids. Real bright couple. Now the taxpayers get to support the whole family in a variety of ways for a number of years, although I doubt either of the two adults will see much more jail time than time served. We are in the process of downsizing our prisons, letting more violent felons than these two idiots go.

The first guy...Just consider it a jailhouse condom or a rape prevention kit.

Slamdunk said...

I had not seen these 2, but enjoyed them--thanks. I also liked the JA last week who in an attempt to avoid police during a pursuit, jumped a tall fence and landed in a women's prison.

Mrsblogalot said...

OMG!!!

LOL! You could not make this jackassness stuff up!!

Now please someone give that badass mother down there a crown!

mo.stoneskin said...

I think I like you most when you're like this. I can see why you're an attorney. Is "badonkey donk" every-day attorney language?

Intense Guy said...

Maybe we should remove the taxpaying public from the inmate healthcare system altogether... first we buy them viagra (for what??!?) and then we operate on useless carcasses like this one.

Maybe the Wendy's robber will end up as JA #1's boy toy... Karma? Calling Karma... where are you Karma?

Will Burke said...

Thanks. That was awsome!

singedwingangel said...

*speechless* serously there are NO words NONE.. just shake my head an move on mumbling about the fact that they seem to be multiplying faster then they can do something stupid to take themselves out..

Simply Suthern said...

Thank goodness most criminals aint too bright.

You are right, His Momma Rocks.

Jen said...

Makes you wonder what will become of the world with all these idiots out there - but clearly it wasn't the mother's fault her son's a JA, right?

MommaKiss said...

best.
story.
ever.

sharonheg said...

Mental Note: Do not read "Let's Have A Cocktail" while drinking your morning coffee.

You owe me one Macbook Pro...

The Boob Nazi said...

Owww that story made MY biscuit hurt.

Eva Gallant said...

Those two are like a pair of bookends! both idiots!

loved the rape prevention kit comment!

Thanks for the laughs this morning!

Taylor-Made Wife said...

I gotta go with Jason Z. I mean the inmate is a flippin idiot, but it takes a true JA to rob from your MOTHER!

Laura said...

What? Uh wow this just left me speechless. Stupid criminals.

Bossy Betty said...

Hummmm. Future politicians perhaps?

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Umm, did this happen in Kentucky? Cause I'm just saying...my neighbors...yeah.

Aging Mommy said...

Amazing as these stories are and I agree, both are definitely Class A JS's, all I can think about is that poor woman, having to confront her son, who is robbing the store she works at. Now that's a real parenting nightmare.

A Year on the Grill said...

I am having blogger issues as well...

As an aside, if you are ever lucky enough to have a tour of Leavenworth prison (a guided tour by invitation, not court ordered), you will see a lovely display of many items found ... um, ... there.

Anything short of a full pitcher of margaritas would not surprise me

Allyson & Jere said...

So, this is my first time ever being to your site. ThetaMom featured you as her favorite, so I hopped over. You are hysterical, I enjoyed your "takes" on the JA's as much as I did reading of their stupidity. By the way, I'm going with Jason Z, 'cause really?...walkup window robbery, of YOUR MOTHER? No Bueno! Anyway, thanks for a good laugh. I'll certainly be back!

Dumbwit Tellher said...

another testament to why I'd like to live on an island, far...far away from civilization. Takes all kinds in all places. Fabulously funny story as always JM. Hope your doing well this week & had a terrific Easter? x

LENORENEVERMORE said...

heeheelarious!
Not the mom's fault I assume?!

Scrappy Girl said...

Wow...stupid is spread far and wide...lol

Yankee Girl said...

That mom works for ratting out her douchecanoe son.

Where do people like this come from? There must be some farm that just breeds idiots.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I was thinking of getting my husband a set of golf clubs, but was unsure where to hide them...

So many idiots...so little time.

Kristina P. said...

People are so stupid. My husband is a paramedic. The things people put in their orafices. Crazy!

Brian Miller said...

hahaha. these are awesome. way to go mom for laying the smack down on your boy...maybe his cell mate will teach him how to hide things better....

M-Cat said...

Funniest laugh I have had all day!

Herding Cats said...

Sometimes I truly feel that there is no hope for humanity...who does this kind of stuff? Wow.

Dumblond said...

Wow.
I'm pretty sure I went to high school with both of those geniuses.

Ingrid DeVilliers said...

Dear Jenny....thanks for visiting my blog and your encouraging comment, I really appreciate it!
I love your blog...it is so different...I couldn't help smiling because I couldn't believe what I was reading on your post...amazing!

Andrea said...

It's hard to believe people can be so stupid!

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Wow. Just wow.

Myya said...

Good for that mom! That stupid kid well actually both those stupid kids are TOTAL JA's!

shortmama said...

Im scared that I live in the same country as people that stupid!!

Jessica said...

wow, thats one smart character...

Writing Without Periods! said...

Don't you just love Bad Ass Moms!!!
I do.
Mary

Baloney said...

Yes Blogger is not cooperative today.
I like your JA posts. Makes me feel like a good person.

The Empress said...

Some things just make no sense. Sigh.

Wonderful writing, as always. Such substance.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Wow. Is there some kind of celebrated Oscar type of award for boneheads? Because there totally should be.

Also, I have to thank you for making me almost pass out cold from lack of oxygen after I laughed so hard at the line "He had to have it surgically removed from his biscuit". BISCUIT! That is just effing fantastic and I am so stealing it. And when I do, I probably won't even credit you. So in advance, thank you. :)

Vodka Logic said...

Not just jackasses but effin idiots.. omg. They deserve what they get.

Did you read about the robbers who colored in their faces with black magic marker...yep they got caught too.
x

alabaster cow said...

ouch just...ouch.

Pricilla said...

Did he think his mother would just LET him do it?
Good for her.

blogger can sometimes be extremely frustrating

Linda said...

These are some stupid JA's for sure!

DeNae said...

Blogger has been vying for this nomination all week.

Hey, Blogger!
I hate you!
Love, All the anonymous commenters over at DeNae's blog but totally not DeNae. She loves you and can't understand why those horrible anonymous commenters wrote you that nasty note.

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

I love this post, I am not a JA, and I too hate Blogger today, but any other day will suck their butt, well you know why, and also think you Jenny Mac, rock!

The Single Mothers Chronicles said...

I am speechless because you've done such justice to these tales!

LOL!

Swati

Heather @ Gerber Days said...

Hey! Theta Mom talked about your blog, so I thought I would come take a peek! I like what I see so far. I'm going to browse around for a bit!

Ed said...

Definitely some dumbasses,

It's so sad what they are teaching kids in school nowadays.

carissa @ lowercase letters said...

oh my goodness gracious. how stupid, but oh so funny!

Mommy Lisa said...

That mom should get an award from Wendy's...total BadAss.

I hope she doesn't get fired.

Erin said...

I heart badonkey donk.

Also, Blogger is giving me and lots of others issues today. So it's not just you.

;-)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Sometimes the idiocy of our culture astounds me. Wait, nah, I think we've seen most all of it!!

Leiah said...

These people are how I like to say, "Eat up with the dumbass".

Talk about getting your biscuit buttered. I have one of those crazy brains that has to try and figure this out. He hid the shank himself. Up there. How limber was this idget that he could put it up there and not slice himself to smithereens while doing it? See - crazy, crazy thought processes going on here.

And that Mama should have whacked him upside the head, grabbed him by the ear and dragged his sorry behind in through that drive-thru window, all the while beating him with her shoe until the cops got there. And he better be glad he didn't have a Southern Mama because you know she would have wailed some tail until the law got there. I'm just saying.

Nezzy said...

Great post on the stupidity of criminals! Heehehehe!!! Love it!

Yea, I'm havin' trouble with blogger too. The comments are delayed and eventually show up. I found this out when I commented three times on a post. Then BAM, finally all three popped up.

God bless and have a wonderful Wednesday!!!

HalfAsstic.com said...

The mom definitely takes the prize for Most Valuable Player. If only all mother's were that responsible!

Megan said...

I am laughing VERY loudly at the 2 JA stories... blows my mind how DUMB people can be.

I got here from your mention in Theta Mom's blog today- and you can bet your ass I'll be back! I read your last dozen or so posts and LOVED them all!

Keep up the amazing work!

Katherine said...

Stopped by from Heather at Theta Mom, and there is no way I'm not commenting.

A classmate of my husband's from high school robbed the local pizzeria...while his brother was on shift. His brother called the cops. Good thinking there, JA!

Julie Harward said...

Hi there...thanks for your visit...come say hi any time! Loved the humor here :D

J.J. said...

Hands down, Jason is the BIG winner. Detroit is a big city so you'd think he'd be smart enough pick another Wendy's to rob.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Oh I have to just laugh at these! What idiots. Although, it is making me feel PRETTY smart right about now :-)

Blogger did the same to me :-(

Have a great night!

Shamrocks and Shenanigans said...

I just gave you an award!! You can pick it up at Shamrock and Shenanigans

Christiejolu said...

We had an incident in Tucson where a guy robbed a Circle K and he had a motorcycle helmet to hide his face but the helmet had in big letters "Property of" with the idiots name on it. First and last name! LOL!

foolish heart said...

Thanks for another laugh. I think I could nominate a new JA of the day everyday!...and unfortunately am acquainted with many of them.

Uptown Girl said...

wowzers I'm sort of grateful for these JAs bc I just laughed pretty hard. I needed that. Who robs a fast food joint where their mom works with a rifle these days anyway? Passe.

Midday Escapades said...

Oh dang, there are stupid people out there. I really hope I don't become one.

JenJen said...

jackasses around the world...let's collect them all and put them in a tube sock.
k.

secret agent woman said...

Too dumb to be alive.

That One Mom said...

I had serious commenting issues yesterday. Grrr...

Wow, talk about stupid criminals! It takes a special kind of idiot to do those things!

Mom in High Heels said...

Ah, the future of our country. One more reason I homeschool.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Oh my goodness. LOL. And sad at the same time. Yup, you are right: the mom is a badass!

My name is PJ. said...

There's JA's and then there has to be some category above and beyond it for these two!

What we do know is that, at least in the first instance, crack was involved.

MWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

One 2 Try said...

My sister always said you run into one JA a day! Thanks for participating in Friday Follow. Rita @ One 2 Try.

Mighty M said...

I just don't get how some people can be so amazingly stupid. How do they make sense and justify any of that in their pea-brains!?

T!nK said...

LoL. I think I know Jason Z lol.