Wednesday, April 14, 2010

In case I need a penis

As MiniMac is fully potty trained now, he considers himself a big boy. He is also becoming a bit more fascinated with his boy parts which I suppose will only last the rest of his life.  

Before MiniMac turned two, as he was discovering his body,  we were forthright with him regarding the names for all of his parts.  As previously shared, one day while we were getting him dressed, he grabbed his business and asked me, “What is this?”
I replied, “Your penis.”
His enthusiastic reply, “ELEPHANTS EAT PENIS!”
Well, not exactly but at his age, I can see how he put that all together.

And as we have potty breaks, sometimes the conversation takes an unexpected comedic turn.

Last week, I took MiniMac into a restroom. Mind you, we have had several conversations lately about sharing and what you should share (toys) and what you do not share (toothbrush.) This is relevant. Why? You'll see. 

While in the actual stall of a crowded restroom, the following conversation occurs:

MiniMac: Mommy’s don’t have penises.
Me: Correct.
MiniMac: We don’t share our Mommy's.
Me: Well, right.
Minimac: We don't share our penis.
Me: Correct, you don’t need to share your body. (Remind me to remind him of this when he turns 15.)
MiniMac: What if you need a penis? (I am sure he means to go potty.)
My thought: Oh boy. Add this to things I hope to never discuss again.
MiniMac: (after a small pause) I don't share mine but maybe you can use Daddy's!
As I am trying not to laugh in his tiny face, I say, "I will certainly let Daddy know. "

And amidst the giggles I heard from the other women in the restroom, I didn't feel it necessary to tell MiniMac that I am pretty sure Daddy and I have already worked this out.  Somehow when we were tallying up the goods on the baby registry, nowhere did I see the "Warnings and Prep" workbook regarding conversations like this. Oh, and he is only 3 so I better buckle in.

112 comments:

Jules said...

Yes. See, when I need a penis, I tend to use Hubby's. But it's my understanding that I can pretty much use any man's. Am I correct in this?

Katherine said...

What a precious little boy! This was hysterical ... kids do say the darndest things!

mbkatc230 said...

Here we go again, coffee on the keyboard. Dell needs to advertise that their laptops are "JennyMac coffee through the nose proof". Great story! Kathy

Brian Miller said...

oh my! hillarious!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo..priceless

Cybil said...

oh - yes - the joy of the public restroom conversations... I really miss those lovely conversations when all the other moms are just laughing when you come out!

Slamdunk said...

You are better than me. When conversations turn to stuff like this in a public place, I am too busy to answer questions--too much topic change attempts and toilet flushes that is.

Merri Ann said...

OMG !!! That is hysterical. Wait until he's 4 ...

My sister has 4 boys and she swears that not a minute went by, for 10 years, that didn't contain some penis reference.

The Professional Family Manager said...

Why is it that children love to have those kind of conversations in public restrooms?!?!? It's like they feel the stalls are little confessional rooms where they can bare their souls and ask all those puzzling, embarrassing questions they've had on their minds. Every time one of my three kids had to go to the bathroom while we were out I'd dread it, not because of the inconvenience of having to stop, but because of the fear of what they were going to say next.

Thank goodness other mothers understand, or bathroom trips with toddlers would be even more challenging.

mo.stoneskin said...

The other day I was at a bar, sipping my pint and crunching my way through a bowl of peni...no, that's come out all wrong.

SmartBear said...

Oh wow! We are going through the exact same fascination right now. (I just posted about how Easter took an unexpected turn). What is it with 3 year old boys and their penis?
I am glad you have access to one. What would you do then? LOL!
Best,
Tina

Christina Lee said...

SO great!! My little man talks about (and pulls at) his penis quite a bit now too. My hubby just giggles like, "that's my boy!"

Dual Mom said...

The fascination with penises never gets old for them.

Tropical Mum said...

Elephants Eat Penis! Classic! You have made me laugh, and I am still grinning as I write this!

Shelly

Busy Bee Suz said...

I love MiniMac!!

Lauren said...

oh my goodness! I am making my husband come read this! lol!

susan said...

I certainly hope you don't have an outing to the zoo planned for any time soon--it'll scare minimac to death! I agree with Dual Mom and it is only a problem when it takes the place of their brain :) Thanks for the smiles!

Mandy said...

Boy I needed this laugh today! Sounds like something one of my boys would say. Hehehehe

Cee said...

Oh wow! That is priceless!

Leah Rubin said...

Who are we to judge the elephants, anyway...

But seriously, I love this conversation! Has he discovered his nipples yet? When my grandson did (at about that age) he couldn't believe what he found! Then his mommy pointed out that he actually had TWO of them. He was blown away!

Cara Smith said...

They always pick busy public restrooms as the place to ask the difficult questions.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

HAHAHA! I just love how thoughtful he is. Such a smart little guy. I can just imagine the giggles from the other moms in the restroom! Too funny.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Aw, man, I've been using the mailman's. You mean to tell me I've been doing it wrong?!

I need some lessons from MiniMac. :)

The Boob Nazi said...

I don't get the elephants eat penis thing....

Eva Gallant said...

From the mouths of babes......

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I Love It! This made my morning.
thanks for the giggles!!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Kids are so funny. LOL I love that conversation! :)

Tami G said...

ohhhhhh that's so cute!!!
and so glad you documented it because when he IS 15, you will need to print this and show him!
LOL - too cute!

TKW said...

Good Lord, I can only imagine the hilarity going on in that restroom! You KNOW all those ladies went home to share that little scenario with their husbands!

ELPHANTS EAT PENIS! This is going to have me giggling all day. I am that juvenile.

And your kid is potty trained? Can you FEEL the envy coming through the computer screen?

Jenny said...

LMFAO that was hilarious. :D

Daffy said...

I think I'll break this news to my pimp slowly....he may not like it much...


I love the way children's minds work. Thank you for sharing!

Ed said...

Kids are so funny.

However, the elephant thing is real and why I don't go to the circus.

Taylor-Made Wife said...

awesome MiniMac, thanks for making my morning! Such a cutie

Babes Mami said...

Hahaha..good to know if you need a penis Mini is ok with you borrowing Daddys. If he ever catches you guys you can just tell him you were borrowing it. ;]

foolish heart said...

I love kids. They always find a way to make your day a little funnier and a little happier!

Candice said...

Already so fascinated with his penis that he is sad you don't have your own. LOL

Bossy Betty said...

Naturally, he discussed this in public with you. Good boy.

Mommy Lisa said...

You do know that when these things happen and the women are giggling - you and MiniMac have just brightened a few days. :)

Thanks for the extra giggle.

bluewhitelife said...

Haha, that's a great story :) Make sure you tell it to his future wife upon hearing the news she's pregnant with her first ;)

Jen said...

I guess you wouldn't be surprised to know that I too have had similar conversations with my son.

Michael Rivers said...

LOL. This is great!

Martha H. said...

You've gotta love kids and their honesty.

That's the funniest story I've read in a long time.

Sole Matters said...

OMG! hahaaha i really hope i dont have a boy, i feel like it would be harder to explain things without laughing in his face. “ELEPHANTS EAT PENIS!” thats awesome! hahaa

Dumblond said...

Reminds me of a conversation I had with my son shortly after he became potty trained. He asked why his baby sister didn't have a penis. "Girls don't have penises, sweetie."
eyes wide "How do you go pee?!"

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Absolutely brilliant post. MiniMac is a legend!
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Herding Cats said...

Aw, how generous of him to offer up Daddy's! That's seriously precious. Kids are awesome.

Writing Without Periods! said...

I'll be right back...I must tell my hubby that his penis equates with peanuts. Mini mac is brilliant.
Mary

Kristina P. said...

I know lots of men who like to share their penises. Tiger Woods?

Intense Guy said...

Yep, you better tighten those straps... something tells me with a brainy kid like MiniMac you are going to be in for a bunch of turbulence!

Johana Hill said...

MiniMac sounds adorable. "Use daddy's!"

LMAO

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I am rolling on the floor! And I remember the conversations like this with my Little T. Hang on tight it only gets better...espically when he starts asking about the little hole down there!
<><

M-Cat said...

Buckle up indeed! As the mother of 3 boys - we had penis penis penis EVERYWHERE! Now the boys just call their get together's sausage fests. Oy vay....

Myya said...

I love it when little ones ask questions & say funny things... totally cracks me up! When my oldest was 2 1/2 she wa sitting on the potty waiting for me to come wipe her (I was putting baby sister down for a nap) when i walk in her legs were up and she says to me... Mommy, why is there a little gigi (that's what we call it) inside my big one? ha ha ha!

Wow, that was awkward said...

My boys are four and seven. Penis talk is standard conversation. And you are right, playing with the junk is a lifetime endeavor.

When getting dressed, my boys like to dance naked, sticking their bare butts out while singing, "shake your booty." The fun never ends.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You know, one might argue that it was your sharing daddy's penis that allowed him to exist, therefore, proof of his intelligence and wisdom.

Unless of course the stork brought him... :)

foxy said...

GOOD LAWD, that is a good one! Too freaking funny.

shortmama said...

Ah yes sometimes I need to use my husbands penis....except that he works out of town all week so if I need it say on a Wednesday than Im screwed....not literally of course

Tiffany said...

Buckle up baby!!!

Pricilla said...

You some of the most informative things in bathroom stalls....

BigSis said...

OMG - that is so funny. I am glad I missed that conversation with my little guy! Of course, he made up for it with all his questions about sex.

Emily said...

My son once told me he can't wait until his penis is big like daddy's. Yep, the funny things they say are just endless!

I'm Gonna Kill Him said...

My husband would probably pay big bucks to our toddler to encourage me to 'use Daddy's penis.'

Aging Mommy said...

Oh so funny, I love his line about you sharing Daddy's penis, that is a classic. I am so dreading those conversations with my daughter!

Shell said...

Hilarious! Sharing it...omg, I would laugh so hard!

I think I've already heard one of my sons tell me about 20 times so far today that his penis is shaped like an ice cream cone. Dh has a field day with that one...

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I Love conversations in the bathroom - they are always the most hilarious!

HalfAsstic.com said...

BWAHAHAHA! That is the funniest "From the mouths of babes" comment I have read in forever!
And, I am so relieved that you and JohnnyMac have such a well thought out agreement about who uses the penis and when!
Somehow, I am sure I will sleep better tonight. ;-)

MommaAmma said...

I love hearing kids ask questions in the bathroom (except mine)! What a funny conversation!

B thinks I have an "inside penis". I tell him "girls have privates" and he says "yesss, but YOU have an inside penis". He's thought this since he was 3 and he's 5 now. I hope he doesn't tell anyone else mommy has an inside penis.

Janelle said...

It just gets funnier and funnier!
And why do they always want to have these conversations in the bathroom stall when you feel like all ears are on you!

secret agent woman said...

I can't remember having this discussion with my sons, so possibly they asked their father. But I do remember one of my baby brothers (15 years younger) saying it didn't seem fair that girls don't get to have penises and when I pointed out that boys don't get to have breasts, he burst into tears.

AmyLK said...

I love your conversations with MiniMac. So cute!

Yankee Girl said...

I just laughed so hard that a booger just flew out of my nose. That is the second time in two days that a blog has made me spray stuff on my computer.

hotpants™ said...

Kids definitely say the best things when other people are around to hear. Mine always comments on the horrible smell in the bathroom when we're out in public. "IT STINKS IN HERE, MOMMY!"

The mad woman behind the blog said...

So awesome. Little boys and penis talk is always so much better when its happening to someone else.

I'll just come here for my fill! Thanks!

Jewels For Hope said...

Oh My! That is hysterical! So cute/funny!

joanne said...

Yikes! Is that what they mean by the 'elephant' in the room?

J.J. said...

I'm sure you "use" daddy's ALL the time. ; )

Marcy said...

Love it!!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

three is so much cuter than 17.

sharonheg said...

Yeah...definitely save that conversation for when he's 16 or so. He'll love it...I promise! HAHAHA! So cute...

Maria said...

As the mother of three boys, I think that if one my guys would have started that conversation, I don't think I could have handled it with such grace and with a straight face. Absolutely hysterical!

jules said...

I'm sure your hubby is thrilled you will be sharing is penis! ha ha ha

Brittany said...

Haha, TOO funny! Kids say the craziest things.

Kate@And Then I Was a Mom said...

Oh my God. So funny. If nothing else, you can rest easily knowing that your boy is a thoughtful child, even if he does like to have his deep thinking in the ladies'. Much like my three-year-old, who likes to bring up flatulence in the checkout line.

alexis said...

hey, you commented on my guest post at alabaster cow, so i wanted to stop by and say 'sup. this is hilarious--i have two boys, one who just finished wearing diapers, and we have had several conversations like this (although he's never mentioned elephants). thanks for the laugh, thanks for the comment, and hope to see you around sometime!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh my god that is the cutest and most hilarious thing ever!! I would have loved to hear that in the bathroom lol!

Matty said...

This is just classic! Absolutely hilarious. And you are a quick thinker on your feet.

ViSart-DaLi Designs said...

Well, save this conversation, but don't show it to hi's friends at 16
LOL!!!!

Amy said...

Oh my word - That is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

Joann Mannix said...

Those are the most priceless conversations! Just fantastic!

I'm on vacation this week in Colorado. I was in a restaurant bathroom where a little girl and a grandmother were having a lively conversation in the stall next to me. All of a sudden the little girl said very loudly, "Grandma, you have hair all over your tee-tee!"

The grandma told her that all grown up girls have hair there.

The little girl said, "Not Mommy. She gets hers pulled out and it hurts. But, then her tee tee looks like a mustache and she likes it."

All the grandma could say was, "Oh, Really?" In this high pitched voice.

I was crying on the other side, just trying to keep the laughter in.

Kids, they're so great for humiliating laughs.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Hilarious! I love kids at this age.

Erin said...

this is HYSTERICAL. I'm grateful I have girls, but let me tell you that doesn't mean we're immune to the awkward convos about body parts! going to tweet this. such a great story & laugh!

Liz said...

P.S. Hubby has been trying to encourage "extra penis practice" ever since...

Liz said...

2 weeks ago my 4-year-old and I were in a public restroom. As he stood in front of the toilet and aimed, I realized the toilet was quite tall, and the stream was barely making it over the edge. In an attempt to save him from urine pouring down his legs and into his shorts and underwear, I frantically grabbed at his penis to point it further into the toilet. Not being prepared for how (ahem) flexible his little thing is, I had a hard time properly aiming it. I ended up spraying it all over the back of the toilet, the wall, etc. He stood there, staring down at his penis and his mother's panicked hand, and yelled "Mama! WHAT are you doing?" I apologized and explained that b/c I don't have a penis, I don't have that much practice with aiming one and I was trying to make sure he wouldn't make a mess. I humbly cleaned up the mess I'd made. When we came out of the bathroom, he announced (ALOUD) to his father: "Dada! Guess what? Mama made a mess with my penis b/c she doesn't have too much practice with a penis."

carma said...

Daddy VERY HAPPY to share :D

Missy said...

ALWAYS in public. Always. I've been there...

Of course, it wouldn't make for such a laugh-out-loud blog post if it happened in the privacy of your own home.

Mighty M said...

Gotta love restroom talk. That is too funny and only a sign of what I may be experiencing myself in a year or so.

Among my daughter's restroom soundbites:

"Mom, I think it's a spiky one!".
"EWWW, What's that smell?"

Always keep us on our toes, for sure. :)

kbxmas said...

LOL. I'm sure daddy is good at sharing.

leigh said...

I love it!

When Griffin was two we were changing in the showers at the pool. He saw my naked body, pointed to my crotch, and said "cobwebs?"

Uh...I've never been the same since.

Just Breathe said...

That is one of the cutest conversations I have ever heard.
So is your husband willing to share his penis with you?

Badass Geek said...

When the time comes to give him The Facts Of Life, just tell him you borrowed his dad's penis for a few minutes.

Vodka Logic said...

Not that I can remember them now but girls also ask some interesting questions...and way too young as well.

Rowe said...

Love what the little peeps say to us, JMac. I have a video clip posted at the moment that mini mac might enjoy. It is filled with peeps his own age, including my mini me.

Mama Bird said...

Sounds like a familar convo I had recently with my son who is almost 3. They are hysterical! These moments are the ones you remember and laugh about when he is 15!!

T!nK said...

HAHAHAHAHA.

Hmmmm. this ones got me speechless.

Cranky Mommy said...

There isn't penis fascination in this house, yet. But my girls love to ask questions in public bathrooms about puberty and all that. My son, on the other hand, simply points and laughs hysterically.

Jennifer said...

Oh God, that's good stuff right there. My son is currently 4, so we've recently had the "what not to share" discussion also. Ever since I brought it up (because he liked to leave a restroom with his pants & underwear around his ankles), it's all he wants to talk about. "Let's talk about bodies," he says. And though he knows that certain parts are private, apparently, talking about them is apparently not. He will ask about bodies to just about anyone. Oh, how fun parenting is!!!

Jenn said...

Oh my he's funny!!!

Hope you had fun at the Ultimate Blog Party! I know its over but I'm still partying and visiting some new blogs! :)

Jenni ("Miss Tutu")
My UBP blog post: How to Make a Tutu blog - hope you will stop by, say hi, and grab a free tutu making lesson! :) and Mom Blogger $100 Cash Contest

Baloney said...

For a while I just refused to take Jacob to the restroom with me. He said all sorts of things.
When Michael realized I didn't have a penis he gave me a fierce look and said, "Let me see your bottom."
No, I didn't show him.

Vivienne said...

I am laughing right now because I have 4 boys, ages 6 to 17, and yes, you ARE in for a bumpy ride.
hahahahaha

Ela said...

So you set him straight about the elephants though right? Cause visiting the zoo might be traumatic if that's still in his head...

I love that boys always get the truth from the get go and don't grow up being told it's a "flower"....

Clemson Girl said...

Hahahahah! I only hope to have kids as adorable as yours! So witty and he doesn't even know it.

Summer said...

Not to be too ironic...but, I almost wet myself from laughing while reading this....BHAHAHA!