I try to remain calm and collected during my workday. I am lucky to work with many talented, interesting and kind people. I don't think negatively. I don't read tone into every email I see even when I believe they are slightly damp with tone. I try not to react in kind. I try to assume that some people are distracted or perhaps are having a bad day.
But I also know that some people suck. This is about one of those people.
But I also know that some people suck. This is about one of those people.
First, since I would never write about anyone in my office (right? right.) we can assume this incident took place at another place I spend a lot of time and get paid to do so. Allegedly.
My oh my, I am just full of legal disclaimers today.
Yesterday, I am in the midst of dealing with an ongoing difficult situation that has allegedly caused my non-boss to drop the F bomb and not in a good way like "F YEAH I GOT TICKETS TO THE MASTERS" but instead, drop it in an ugly and harsh way as a direct result of this ongoing and difficult situation. You know it's bad when my admin asks if our next memo to the people responsible for this difficult deal can include a subject line that reads: You can suck it.
As I am rubbing my temple over this, I get a knock on my partially closed door and an unknown person walks in. By the way, the secret code of conduct that is not actually SECRET is that you knock. PAUSE. And then enter.
A woman asks me if I know where she can find the office of Mr. X. I have never heard this name so I reply, "I am sorry, who is Mr. X?"
Her first response is quite a look. And then the explanation that he is ONLY the head of (dept) for all of (corporation) but her tone was more like he is ONLY the KING of the UNIVERSE. And then she said, "You know, that is really something you ought to know. In fact, there is a powerpoint of the org chart I can send you."
Because many people think a powerpoint slide is the answer to everything.
And while I am not fluent, I have been known to speak La Bitchilita a time or two so I was able to absorb all her intonation and meaning.
I promise you, I know every important name there is to know in the years I have been in this role. But, I also want to be helpful and let her find the person she is seeking. I inquire if there are any known associates of his we can locate. She rattles off more names I have never heard of and is QUITE exasperated. Umm, Meryl, the auditions for female melodramatist are not until tomorrow at noon.
Instead, I opt for the front desk. Oh, look at that, Mr.X is not only NOT on my floor, he is NOT in my building, and he is NOT at this corporation. He left a year ago.
I let her know this information not with my bitchybritches slapped on tight but in my most polished kill them with kindness voice.
Her response? Oh. Yes, really, her response after all that was simply: Oh.
The beautiful aspect of this exchange is she was easily rinsed away from my mind with a glass of Petite Sirah. Yet no amount of wine (or vodka or tequila) is going to shake La Bitchilita from her soul.
But our conversation did lack several important sentences:
Her: Sorry I was a _____-ing _______!
Me: Oh, before you go, there is something you really ought to know too. I have a special powerpoint for you. It starts with bless your heart and ends with kiss my arse.
97 comments:
I think we have all met this lady at one point. I believe I work for her.
I love the word arse sounds so much nicer than ass, the British swear much better than we do.
roflmbo Ok see I looked at this totally differently. I was thinking wow she is seriously gunning for a promotion to know all that info.. like a flipping walking encyclopedia of this particular person's life.. and then the let down BWAHAHAHA bet she felt a bit like good ole Monica Lewinsky in that moment lol
hahaha. that closing line is hillarious...i may have to use that...
Favorite post ever. Perhaps because I know a lot of people who suck.
Ahhh, a complete episode of the TV show "Office" in the making!
Someone needs to get on it and update that powerpoint file! (Ugh, I hate powerpoint e-mails)
Oh well held honey, total class. I think I might just have been frothing at the mouth... Lovin' the last line.
xoxo
The reason why you professional workers have such a hard time is because you need to develop diplomacy and office etiquette.
If you were an auto mechanic for example you would simply turn your back to the offending miscreant, drop trousers and mark an X on the spot, using the ink pen you would eventually fill out the repair bill with, and let them know where they had to place their lips in order for you to fix their Volvo, Jaguar or Porsche.
I hate the condescending lines that start with "You know, you really...". In an ideal world there would be a axe-wielding goblin that sought such offenders out and dealt with them swiftly.
You showed more grace under pressure than I would have been able to!
You know, I have a Powerpoint on how to speak La Bitchilita correctly and fluently. I'll send it to you.
i have ppl like that @ my work place!!
Huh...this lady calls my office at least twice a day......everyday. And people wonder why I drink.
You handled it quite well. Be proud!
Clearly the woman is practicing to go into politics.
Don't we all just luurrrv people like that? NOT! :)
Handled beautifully by you! Bet she won't get over that embarrassment for a long while Lol!
I work in a company of 200K people and many times people throw out names like I should totally know who they are. Even looking them up in our directory doesn't really tell me who they are and what they do. But at least we can't look them up in the directory if they aren't working at the company any more :-)
hahaha, I adore you :)
I wouldn't have been so nice.
BRILLIANT!!
I think nearly everyone has experienced this person in one form or another.
Oh and miss, you might want to update that powerpoint...assuming you have the access to do it.
Well, you stunned her silent. That is good for something even if you didn't get that much deserved apology!
in hopes that you watch Family Guy
"Live Long and SUCK IT!!!!!!!!"
I dislike people like that. However, the satisfaction of "Oh.." is GREAT!
I'm with Vodka Logic, the British version sounds so much nice. Like Bloody Hell. Sounds sophisticated, no? I loved being able to get away with that when we lived in Europe. I think I wouldn't have been quite so nice as you to your visitor.
"La Bichilita!" Perfect! A new word to add to my vocabulary!
I would have slapped that bitch in the trash talker.
She's lucky it was you and not me.
And she's lucky I don't hit women.
HAHAHA!! My mom loves to say "bless your heart" when she's getting ready to insult someone. Love it!
I'm all for taking a bitch out with words, but I think in this situation, the way you handled it made her more embarassed. Its almost like you knew the whole time that he wasn't there, but wanted to make her look like an idiot.. which she did. Well done :)
I love this! So funny. One of the best characteristics a person can have is to admit when they are wrong. Apparently, this woman does not have this characteristic.
And you'd hope that this woman learned her lesson, but you know she is so self-absorbed she will forget her embarrassment before the day is over.
La Bitchilita! Oh yes! That's the word of the day, if not for the week! ;p
Bitchy know-it-alls are the worst! I am so glad you were able to (kindly) stick it to her.
Sounds like the sort of person who has to put someone else down in order to feel good about themselves. Pointless, but for some people that is just how they deal in life. But if you're going to be like that then you have to get things right yourself - bet she cried all the way back to her little cubby hole where she will spend the rest of her life dreaming of promotion but never getting anywhere with that attitude. As they say, don't let the ******** get you down!!
Oooh La Bitchilita! I have a Masters in that (or, at least, I should...)
It is like magic when you're nice to people, they usually turn nice themselves. But some bitches need to get slapped hard!
Secretia
Is it even possible for you to keep getting better? Smart, sassy and full of class -- even if you are mumbling la bitchilita in your mind. Way to go, Jenny Mac!
I wonder how good she felt after she realized her mistake. :)
Sounds like her Org chart was a bit off. I wonder if she is still on the Org chart.
Aint the South great. AS long as you Put Bless her Heart in front you can say anything you want afterward and it still sounds so nice.
Suck it. Suck it hard. That's a favorite of mine via Chelsea Handler. Who happens to be my mega girl crush. Random fyi I suppose. :]
Next time, tell you you have a Power Point for her. Extend your middle finger and Point her out the door!
OOOOh! How to put her in her place! lol I probably would have said something snide like, "You really should have known that!"
Ha-I would've asked her after that if she still had the power point. Just in case I needed to refer to it in the future.
Oh, you handled that situation with so much class :)
This is like when I cut someone off, and they give me the finger, and I just smile and wave at them.
Get's em everytime!
So funny, I love it La Bitchitlita!! You crack me up. Those are the ones you need to put in their place.
Zizette
LOL! Can I borrow your new Powerpoint?! I have a few people who would benefit from that knowledge...
I think that woman used to be my boss. I wondered what happened to her.
"when my admin asks if our next memo to the people responsible for this difficult deal can include a subject line that reads: You can suck it."
I was only chuckling until I hit that sentence and then it was full on belly laughs the whole rest of the ride! Can we do it again??!!
Hey! I just got off the phone with her. She calls me at least five times a day. Grrrr
I hope she enjoys her slice of humble pie served up on the org chart plate.
I've worked as Admin. Support so much of my life that I've encountered La Bitchilita on a nearly daily basis. Because people assume that if you are "just" an Admin, you're stupid/an inferior human being and therefore they can break out the bitchcakes with you because you don't matter. That she had that 'tude with someone who had an actual office with a door is ridiculous.
La Bichilita - my new favorite!
Ugh!!! I've totally met people like that too..
La Bitchilita. Yes! new word for my vocab. I am learning more useful stuff on the internets that grad school.
If only those last two sentences could have actually been part of the conversation... some people can be such a-holes!!
It's moments like these when I think blogs are such a blessing. You worked it out well, girlfriend. Thanks for keeping it real and keeping me laughing.
You have a great way of handling difficult folks sort of like Jesus telling parables--they are interesting upon receipt but then explode in the listeners mind later.
Blogger ate my previous attempt so here is the summary...
I like the way you handle people. It reminds me of Jesus telling parables--the recipient hears the interesting comment, but it does not explode in their mind until later.
She didn't apologize? What a jerk!
She should not be allowed back on your floor until her powerpoint is updated....
I am so loving this! You do tell a good tale.
LOl...I love it when @$&holes make themselves look stupid. I would have had to smirk in her face. Good for you for showing such restraint. People do suck sometimes.
Well played, Jenny! The news that senor emperor of the universe wasn't even sweeping up the break room any more could only have been delivered in that, "I'm helping you because you are clearly deficient in some pitiable way" tone. Anything more hostile would have been much easier for her to swallow, right? "Ha! Now we're BOTH being hateful!"
And honestly, what else could she say and still be her? "Oh, I knew that. I just have a few extra power point slides I'm itching to foist off on some unsuspecting sap like yourself?"
Nope. "Oh" was all there was left.
Absolutely priceless!!
La Bitchilita - one that WILL be added to my vocabulary. The other day my sweet mama gave em the nicest compliment I think I've ever received. She said I had this wonderful ability to smile at someone and tell them to go to Hell in such a sweet way that they actually wanted to go and they would be many miles down the road before they stopped and thought to themselves, "Did she just break that off in there?" I had to say, it was the highlight of my day.
Love it!
Uh huh....and don't you find yourself replaying the end of that cosmic-judicial scene over...and over? Just a little bit?
With all that snooty attitude, you didn't really expect her to apologize...did you?
I would pay real money to have seen you say that to her, too! ;-)
Ugh, I hate holier than thou people. Sounds like you handled the situation quite well.
Aaah, but the satisfaction of knowing who won the war is so wonderful.
Love it! Especially since I'm at work...with my door partially closed...
I LOVE conversations like that, where everyone knows that I won, even if it hasn't been said that I won.
Sometimes I rub it in that I won. Because I to speak more than a little of La Bitchilita, myself. But I save it for REALLY good circumstances...
Clearly, you only dabble in la Bichilita... Because I definitely would have sent her off with a head tilt, shrugged shoulders, and raised eyebrows (don't know if I can describe the right look) and a comment like, "Maybe you should work on that powerpoint a little more." and then a stifled laugh to top it off. You are a better woman than I.
If only I had worked with more people like you in my 15 year run at the corporate world! But seriously, I don't get people with an attitude like that! But fear not, both you, I and the glass of Petite Sirah know that La Bitchilita will get what's coming to her - they all do in the end! Hope her ears are burning! x
Bitchilita! great word and perfect description. I know so many of those...and thanks for the laugh today!
ha ha ha you crack me up! I'd love to have been a fly on your wall :)
I think I work with that woman's sister.
What a troll. I'd be tempted to sweetly tell her she should go see a doctor ASAP before that pole up her ass ruptured something.
I once had this woman who would call four times a day and insist a certain executive who works for AOL (i.e., NOT my workplace) worked there and that I should know him because I HAVE HIS NUMBER! I would assure her "Ma'am I can promise you, this is MY number and that gentleman doesn't even work for my company." at which point she'd snap "Well, WHERE IS HE THEN? Put me through to him immediately." like I know every effing person in the whole effing world and in fact, operated their phone answering service.
WOW, even though this was about eight years ago it still gets my hackles up thinking about it.
Pass the tequila.
That disease bitchilosis must be going around because I had a customer try to throw me under the bus and cc'ed my boss on the email. Too bad I whipped out another email proving her wrong and me right AND THEN my boss defended me AND told our head top dog boss about how awesome I am. In. Your. Face. Jerkoff.
Wow. You definitely took the high road. She didn't deserve it but like you said it is better for your soul.
I love when that happens!!! lol!
Why are you not the president of this alleged business?
Power is a wonderful thing...when your NOT bitchilita...lol
Bless your heart!
tootles,
bunny
I am laughing...how many times have I wanted to speak Bitcheralla!!
some people as just sooooo DIFFICULT you literally want to smack them
funny how NO apologies often come from those who NEED to apologize.
it would be soooo beneath them
whatevah
attorneys must always be fluent in la bitchilita, as well as kill them with kindness. i had to speak in both tongues today. the end of the month always seems to bring out the crazies!
This is why I am glad I now work for myself. Although I can be difficult at times.
Ugh, I hate bitchy people. I don't think I would have been as nice as you LOL!
Still it was priceless when they didn't work there for a year - haha!
I must know this woman's role. Please tell me she is something lesser than in the hierarchy.
I'm not from the South, but I hear it's proper to say, "Bless her heart" when talking about idiots...
I think this situation def. justifies using this phrase.
hahahahaaa!! love it! bet she felt like a hag!! and ooohhhhh lady, i know what bless your heart means and its not a good thing! lol!
I hate "THAT" lady!
Get em with the ol' southern charm with the bless her heart....before you smack her with a kiss your arse...classic
Best last line ever....absolutely hilarious....you are my hero!!
Happy Easter :)
WTH?! Were you born of The Mother Teresa and raised by Ghandi?!
After I found out that Ms. Attitude didn't know her arse from a hole in the ground, I would have responded in kind. I have been fluent in Bitchilita since the age of 12 and I could teach her a few phrases...
"To rise above it" is not one of my talents...
There's nothing quite like a 'bless your heart' in the south. We all know what it really means.
You are hysterical. I would LOVE to have a cocktail with you!
Damn, that was funny!
ROTFLMAO. Oh. I have a boss infatuated with Powerpoint presentations. This cracked me up. Way to win the day.
This is hilarious. I am going to use this next time I get a Memo...it starts with "bless your heart"....etc. Why are there people like this in the world? It's like there is always one person on constant Emergency Alert and wants to make everything out to be so important it can't wait. It drives me batty. Allegedly.
Not even a teeny tiny whisper of I'm terribly embarrassed; sorry to have bothered you; pardon me; excuse me; I'm such a moron, dumbo mumbo sorry, even?
I love the line about rinsing her from your mind with the wine. There are so many people walking around who hope against hope that their caustic personalities will mask their idiocy and incompetence.
heeheehee. I don't know that I would be able to contain myself.
I love your powerpoint deck. May I have a copy?! LOL
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