Talk dirty to me

When I was in high school, I briefly dated a college boy. Oh....I thought I was big stuff.

And lets be honest, by "dated" I mean that I thought he + me =TLF. Whereas he defined dating me as sending me lots of sweet cards and keeping my picture on his desk at school. The picture he would hurtle under a blanket or pile of books when after a long night of beer pong, he had company. Oh, young naive school girl.

But it paid dividends.

I went to see him one weekend when he was back in Seattle. After chatting with his family for a bit, he suggested we go to his room. Ummm, no thanks since your Mom and Dad are sitting here. He assured me he was considered a "man" in the house and they didn't care. Teenage boys...whats not to love about the bravado. It was a known policy in my house that males were not allowed in my room when my parents were home so I shirked his offer.

He then suggested we go to the park. Once there, it was all kinds of teen-age make out party. While I was not passing out the goods like candy, he definitively wanted to up the ante to our romantic interludes.  Mere make out and the manhandling of my training bra, probably not as thrilling as CoEd Twister but alas...

And then he leans in with a sweet kiss, hand cupping my face, and asks, "Do you want to go downtown?"

"Well," I pondered, "I don't think we have time."

"I don't think it will take that long," he assured me. Big sweet eyes all on me.

"But, with traffic, it will take us a lot longer..."

Our eyes locked and then he started laughing. Not a nice courteous laugh like oh ha ha ha...more like GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW like a man with a front row seat to the premier of Eddie Murphy's RAW.

I ask him the source of his amusement.

He says: You

Me: Head tilt, confused.

Him: I don't mean downtown Seattle.

Me: What other downtown is there?

He: GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW

and then says: This downtown. And looks at his lap.

Here is an excellent tip for college boy that I never shared: Laughing uncontrollably to the point you actually slap your leg and dry heave because I was unaware that by asking me to go downtown you were in fact asking me for a beejy humdinger is not nice.

PS: It is also the perfect way to ensure I will never go downtown.

PSS: I never believed you that it would be permanently injured by blue balls. Naive, yes. That naive, oh no.

Innocent little lamb I was, I dropped him off and went home. Bleat bleat.