Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sculpture: It's an art form


Beauty. In the eye of the beholder?

Now, I am going to applaud anyone with talent for art, be it photography, painting, or sculpture. And I further applaud people with this vision who lived 35,000 years ago. While I might see something a bit different than the artist had in mind, I am not one to look down upon creativity.

So when exploring deep in a cave in Hohle Fels, Germany, several scientists discovered this ancient relic, I am sure initially, they too wondered exactly what it might be.

This figurine, carved from mammoth ivory, is believed to be around 35,000 years old and therefore would be the oldest example of sculpture ever found.

Known as the Venus of Hohle Fels, it depicts a female figure with exaggerated breasts and thighs. Above, the sculpture is shown in a side and front view.

Ahhh...a female torso. Ok. Not being as savvy with human forms from the Upper Paleolithic period, I apologize if I seem indelicate. I would have bet cold cash this was a depiction of a chicken with breast implants.

However, this was also the time period believed to be shared between humans and Neanderthals. So let's assume this depiction of the female body came from those earth-dwelling hominids.

And isn't it something that the chicken torso / early female inhabitant of earth would have such a disproportionately large rack. Perhaps it is a demonstration that man's fascination with the breasts is so deep in their DNA that even an artist from 35,000 years ago made sure his sculpture included over-sized cannonballs. Excellent.

Couldn't utter a word yet, could you Mr. Neanderthal, but you knew you loved the ta-tas.

89 comments:

  1. Seriously. Woman back then had to worry about the size of their rack too? Poor ancestors.

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  2. This might me think of chicken breast a little different. I hope i am not imagining this foxy lady next time i bite into a chicken sandwich lol
    Now, if only men still liked big thighs...

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  3. Yeah, my first thought was an oven ready chicken. Mind you, breasts work. I can cope with breasts.

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  4. I hate to rain on your parade, but that's NOT ancient! S'me!

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  5. Oh my Lord, so much time, so little change.

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  6. Hahaha, love your attitude in this post. And you know, interestingly enough, in the past you were only considered fertile if you were round and chubby. Because that meant you were likely to survive! :) Just goes to show you how much we've changed nowadays...
    I'm having a giveaway, so be sure and enter! Stop by and leave a note!

    -Laila
    www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

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  7. Quite voluptuous. I think she needs to check out a few Pilates classes.

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  8. Breasts? Check. Feet? None. Head? Minimal.

    Interesting stuff, is what I'm sayin'...

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  9. i had a class that studied sculptures like these. if i can remember i think they come from a culture where women were repected and honored for their ability to give birth. they oversized breasts, hips, and usually these statues have oversized private areas too were reflective of this. im pretty sure thats what this is. thanks for commenting on my blog. i like yours and am now following.

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  10. Art or no...I am so not impressed with whatever this is supposed to be. I would definitely think your chicken description is much closer to accurate. HA!

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  11. Yep, I'm going to go with your "chicken with breast implants" theory. Or else women in those days REALLY had body issues...

    Or else it was a premonition of the future and they were really sculpting The Fat Ladies from Little Britain. Um, link not safe for work. At all. :)

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  12. How funny!! It reminds me of that time Joey and Monica put a whole turkey on their head in Friends. That's what it looks like. A Whole turkey with giant tits.

    Yeah I think man's love for mahoosive norks is clearly a primal instinct thing!

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  13. It seems that fetishs of chicken/female hybrids weren't just for Dr. Moreau.

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  14. Maybe it was the hominid's present for his wife. A sculpture honoring her body... you never know how big breasts were back then, I'm pretty sure its hard to tell from skeletons.

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  15. Whatever it is, it is impressive considering the time it was made.

    Whomever made it obviously was a boob man.

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  16. LOL!!!

    Kind sad for the itty bittys (AKA ME) out there. Well at least the thighs are juicy too.

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  17. hahahahaha- I also wondered if the figure was pregnant-whcih also might account for the big ta ta's.:)

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  18. I totally thought that was some chicken dish you made last night.... Wow. Oops!

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  19. I did not notice the chicken...could it be because I don't cook?...until you pointed it out. That is so funny! Of course, I noticed the rack, but don't all artists make us big in the boobs? and Why is that? And I was an art history major!

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  20. *Grunts and hoots*

    *Smiles like idjit at arty work*

    *Runs off with club to mash food for big ta-ta female*

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  21. How funny
    Men have always been obsessed with BIG boobs!
    Just stopping by from SITS wishing you a very Happy Wednesday!

    P.S. I'm giving away a subscription to House Beautiful on my blog www.sweeterliving.blogspot.com

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  22. I never doubted that one of the first words a caveman ever uttered was ta-ta! Hey they must have also liked their women chunky! Cool.

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  23. what a lovely blog you have! i'm always excited when someone new stops in at my blog.. especially when i find another delightful blog to stalk as a result.

    as for the sculpture? all i can say is that i think it's extremely unfair that it's better endowed than i am ;)

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  24. As a person with two art degrees, I have always wondered about this...It is quite a rack:O

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  25. Cultures may progress or disappear. From Rubenesque to Cleopatra, to Twiggy, doesn't the art always show it's about the ta tas. Always.

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  26. They WERE Neanderthals indeed. Men are pigs.

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  27. Your right, school does start super early in the south! However, my husband is going to a work school not school, school. They have a new class start every month throughout the year. It just happens that his school time coincides with back to school time!

    I saw the Venus of Willendorf in Vienna about a year ago...amazing! I love these little fertility statues!

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  28. I think there's more to this story. Like, what if the neanderthal had social issues and none of the other cave sisters really liked him? He probably sat on a dirt floor, starving because he couldn't hunt and gather like his brethren and all he ever wanted in the world was a chicken and a girl?

    Then, 35,000 years later some scientists digs up his "artwork" and throw the word "venus" in because anything anyone finds that requires tools and degrees needs to be interesting.

    Or he just liked big boobs and chicken.

    Whatever.

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  29. Hmmm...See, when it comes to chicken, I'm a breast man. But when it comes to women, I'm a leg man. I think Frank Perdue should take some notes on this and get back into the lab.

    Either way, I'm hungry now for some reason

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  30. I actually was thinking about Red Dragon when I saw this - looks like someone is making a woman suit. But that's probably just me.

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  31. That's how I looked before my surgery yesterday - LMAO - now I look a lot different! If I hadn't seen my own chest in the mirror a mulitude of times, I'd go with a chicken. However I recognize her to much!

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  32. I have to admit, first glance, I thought dried turds. Hmmm...I guess that would make the 1st piece of modern art.

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  33. So it started that early...nice

    When your page first loaded, I thought it was a piece of ginger...

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  34. I'm no perv, but it looke to me like two people's torsos. Man holding woman from behind. Perhaps a little upright doggie style?

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  35. I think it looks like a Sumo Wrestler with boobs. Definitely.

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  36. 35,000 years old? Really? I thought it was one of the pin headed giant boob implanted women that go to my gym.

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  37. Fantastic Jenny, as a 21st century man I immediately understood the ta-tasness of the neanderthal man. The more things change huh...

    Thanks for the comment by the way!

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  38. lol! Why is it that archaeologists always find the deformed village idiot for a caveman specimen and someone's failed art project to tell what life was like back then??
    I'm especially insulted by the teeny tiny head...

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  39. it's fascinating, at least the hubby comes by it honestly... he can't help himself - its bigger than him, it's INGRAINED!!

    also, chicken never looked sexier. that chicken should have stayed true to herself, and NOT gotten the implants, But, that being said; she's probably the most famous chicken model of all time, so maybe those implants worked for her.

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  40. Oh dear - I passed you an award that you've already received. Oops - well, just delight in the grandness of getting it twice! :-)

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  41. Maybe it's some cool fan fiction or their version of graphic novels from way back in the day? Dude's who have done this kind of stuff have always preferred to make their women with big knockers. ;-)

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  42. Words escape me. That's a lie. BOOOOOBS!

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  43. If that is what they considered beauty.. I was born too late. I have ta-tas and hips.

    Thanks for the laugh
    x

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  44. I hate to be THAT GUY, but umm, its actually clearly a chicken with a peanut on top.

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  45. Men! They know what they like even back then.

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  46. That would look even sexier--on a sandwich

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  47. I think this artist would've been appalled at the sight of Kate Moss; wish he was still alive today as I think I would have been a pretty decent model for his magazine ;)

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  48. I'm still laughing at LMJ's comment. I seriously think she needs to be crowned the queen of the comments. She kills me every time.

    As for the sculpture, I'm more much more concerned about the *ahem* vajayjay region. But maybe that's just because my son asked me why my penis is hiding today.

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  49. I'm not surprised...I guess even cavemen can't resist a good rack.

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  50. Buahahahaha
    35,000 years ago ... cannonballs.

    HAH!
    Yes, yes lets DO have a cawktale.

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  51. I wonder what the sculpture made by an 'ass man' would look like?

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  52. I can't imagine the bra-less women back then would have such well formed breasts after the age of 13...this simply must be the male ideal exemplified. No way a live model was used.

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  53. It looks like I feel in the morning. Or when I try to squeeze myself into the too small jeans.

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  54. She might have a nice rack, but she has a saggy chicken vagina.

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  55. What I find particularly funny is the tiny head. Such a tiny head. I guess she wore tiny hats.

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  56. Dolly Parton could have descended from this line of humans.

    Sadly, this reminds me of a drawing my youngest did of me when he was 3. I had a small head, large torso, and no arms or legs... BUT I had 2 big boobies! Yes, he was breast fed.

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  57. At least they didn't have to worry about wearing bras back then. But, as you say men even then had one track minds.

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  58. Chicken...it's what's for dinner. Maybe the guy was just hungry, or horny.

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  59. No mystery about it...Hug, the old lady, had a curio cabinet and she needed something to put in it...so off Zug went to kill a mammoth for her cabinet.

    Well the damn thing was just too big. Undeterred Hug kept on Zug's ass for some knickknack for her cabinet, the cave was in dire need of some design elements to make it feel truly homey. So off Zug went into to his part of the cave (his man cave so to speak) and set to carving the tusk seeing as they already ate the rest of the previously acquired beast.

    As Zug got to thinking about his favorite things in the world and decided Hug was beautiful he set knife to bone.

    Days later Zug came out of his man cave and presented his gift. "Here you are honey snookums Hug, I made this ivory portrait of you for your beautiful curio cabinet, which by the way is no where near as lovely as you my dear."

    Hug was well pleased until she realized that the head very much way too small and had no mouth.

    And that was the day when man was first accused of never seeing a woman for her brains and only being concerned with her tits and ass. Zug slept on the couch that night. Which started another still standing tradition.

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  60. Being that I have sometimes been known as an artist and having a general knowledge of sculpting tools I think it is a wonderful representation of what you can do with a chunk of critter and some sharp rocks. Having said that I want you to know that I am the rare straight guy that thinks big boobs are kinda neat but are hardly a requirement... thighs on the other hand....

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  61. Whew, thank goodness you clarified where that photo came from!! I thought some Paparazzi had taken my picture of my torso two days ago after I ate too many fried shrimp, fried green tomatoes and spicy crawfish penne pasta while at the beach.

    You're right, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But it makes you wonder what in the world the neanderthal was smoking while he put clay to hand!

    (p.s. - I've missed reading your blog while I was gone)

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  62. That's exactly what I thought when I saw it. WOW - look at the chicken's knockers!

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  63. Not new to you blog, just a new commenter

    Breasts are certainly overrated! Thighs are not as I have a huge ones and I am proud of it. (ok Im not proud, but I have to bolster my esteem somehow!)

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  64. Hey there, thanks for dropping my blog and leaving a comment. I appreciate such a thoughtful gesture!

    Anyway, SURE! Those are truly "EXAGGERATED" breasts and thighs. Who could have thought?

    Your blog's nice, I'm gonna follow. Can't believe I discovered your blog just now.

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  65. P.S

    YEAAAAhhhh...Let's have a cocktail! I go for apple martini! :)

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  66. Looks a little to me like a hippo in heat. Well, she could have matured a tad in 35,000 years...

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  67. Thanks for visiting my blog. Summer Camp has been crazy this week.

    Yes, of course it's a chicken!

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  68. you made me laugh! chicken with a boob job? that's exactly what it looks like. When do guys not think about breasts?
    -indigo

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  69. Perhaps I should have taken more courses on ancient history in undergrad.

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  70. I am scared now. Does this mean we really evolved from chickens instead of monkeys? Yikes!

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  71. Completely and totally chicken. Hands down. Although Veg Assassin's "Ladies of Little Britain" link may give some clue as to its Neanderthal-equivalent inspiration...

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  72. I guess they didn't have the best art tools 35000 years ago, but maybe their hearts were in the right place even if the sculpture's feet and such weren't.

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  73. Well, look at how cute you are! Thanks for stopping by my blog to see my journey of painting a piano. You'll have to come back soon for the grand reveal!

    I totally thought chicken. I'm just glad that "in general" they all focus on the teets...cause boy, would my hubby be dissapointed if he ever focused too much anywhere else!

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  74. Just having a look about your blog in response to your comment on mine.

    Errr... I think I'd better check out a few other posts, perhaps?

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  75. i remember seeing this several months back and having to stare it for quite a while before figuring out how it all came together... apparently there's some things that haven't changed in 35,000 years!

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  76. Geez, I thought it was a whole chicken too.

    At least the standards for women back then were much easier to live up to. ;)

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  77. I want one. Just 'cause you said it looks like a chicken with breast implants. It does.

    Funny.

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  78. another ten minutes (give or take) a day reading yet another blog? why not? thanks for visiting mine, and in turn i discovered yours. now, i need a serious night out, not at WaWa for a buck 25 coffee like usual with my husband, so do please pick my name for the hotel night out. :D thanks and cheers! xo jennifer

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  79. I don't know what're talking about exaggerated...I totally look like that.

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  80. Thanks for the visit and the generous comment, Jenny.

    I'm channelling a bloke trying to get thru to you. Says his name is Mister Leander Thrall ... no, sorry, Neanderthall!!

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  81. Honestly it does look like a chicken with implants!

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  82. Laughing at Pseudo's comment. Congrats on POTD!

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  83. Well, see, what you don't know is that, prior to 35,000 years of erosion, the figurine had the words "World's Greatest Mom!" inscribed on the stomach.

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  84. Perhaps it was carved by a female Cro-magnon.

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  85. Reading your blog backwards, I am left with the idea of perhaps pairing off the doggy-style literal lover WITH massive-chicken-like-boobie statue?
    At least he would have left the schnauzer alone.
    And yes, the boxer--drool, farts, burps, devoured socks recently regurgitated and all--is ours. Somewhere along the line while planning our wedding last October, my new husband and I decided that a honeymoon could wait while a massively disgusting, body-function loving, smells like teen spirit dog would be a beautiful gesture of our love.
    He was our wedding present to each other.
    We should have gone to Maui.

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  86. That reminds me of the little root baby in Pan's Labyrinth. Lovely.

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  87. LOL!!!!

    Loved it! And frankly I thought it looked like 35,000 year old doody. I'm not an art critic; does it show?

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Now, let's talk about your feelings....